day to day to day...

[wildflight]

hi. it's been a long time. *looks at last post* a good long time, heh. but with the holiday season and a different job this year, i'm not where i want to be with my eating. there are all these temptations all over the office, and i'm finding myself giving in to them almost every time. because of this, i found my way back here to keep track of myself for myself.

i find it difficult to say no when i see people i don't see very often and they tell me that i look like i did in high school (a good 7 years ago and at least 20lb less than i am now). it's flattering, and i say to myself, "self, it's ok to have that cookie because you still look good." i know in my deepest heart that that's not true, but it's an excuse to eat the damn cookie!!! gah. i know, too, that sugar is my enemy in a sense. it's so attractive and pleasurable, and then it makes me crash like nothing else. then i'm irritable and angry with myself for falling for its charms once again. i know i can do better. i know i want to do better. i will do better. today i've told people i care about that there are donuts and cookies and torte and other sweets around, and told them that i am not going to eat them. that is part of the battle because i know that if i'm the only one who knows that i'm not supposed to be eating these things that are available, it will be easier for my resolve to cave.

by the way, today for eating i have:

B: plain yogurt with cinnamon and sf 'maple' syrup, 2 pieces canadian bacon, coffee with stevia and half/half, v-8

S: 2 pepperjack cheese sticks, one cheddar cheese stick, breyer's light yogurt, 15 almonds

L: starkist tuna fillets in light marinade, celery sticks, broccoli florets, spicy ranch dressing, sf jello pudding, hot tea

S: empire apple

D: broiled salmon with dill and garlic salt, brussels sprouts, water (or milk, or diet soda)

p.s. i know that i should have more vegetables in my diet in general. that's one of my many issues right now.

[wildflight]

mmmm i forgot how good nsa hot cocoa is in the afternoon. it makes it easier to pass on the goodies in the office.

i had this convo with my co-worker:

her: i'm gonna have another cookie; you want one?
me: no, thanks.
her: yes you do.
me: no, i'm recommitting myself to not eating crap.
her: oh, that's good. so you want one, but you're not going to have one.
me: no, i don't even really want it.

and i didn't!

[soybean]

i hate having the pass for cookies-until i think about it. then i remember that probably i want it out of habit-but once i walk away-i really dont want it. nothing about it really looks appetizing

[wildflight]

that's exactly it, soybean! it's particularly bad when they put the cookies by the printer. then every time i print something, i have to look at the cookies and tell myself that i don't want one and that if i have one i'll a)ruin my streak of goodness and b) feel crappy in about ten minutes.

today is my company's holiday luncheon. drinks at 12:30 and lunch at 1:30. i'll be drinking. they will probably try to feed me potatoes or pasta, but i'm pretty sure i can just not touch those on my plate (if they bring it out to me. if it's buffet, i won't put them on my plate). we'll see how it goes.

today looks like this so far:

B: plain yogurt with cinnamon and sf 'maple' syrup, 2 pieces canadian bacon, coffee with half/half and stevia, water

S: stick of pepperjack cheese, stick of cheddar cheese, breyers light yogurt, 15 almonds, celery sticks, broccoli, spicy ranch dressing

L: god knows what's on the menu. meat/fish/chicken and veggies, let's hope.

S: either dried apricots or an apple. probably a v8.

D: chicken. i'm thinking maybe... marinated in soy sauce and ginger and cooked with snow peas and red/orange peppers.

i'd like to note, too, that my morning snack is really a bit of grazing in the time between when i get to work at 8:30am and when i eat lunch at 1pm. it's not all at once.

i also reached my 1 1/2 liters of water at work goal yesterday for the first time in weeks! yay!

[wildflight]

so the office luncheon didn't go particularly as planned. the service was soooooooooooooooooooooooooo slow!!! arrrgh! we got there at 12:30 and were seated at 1:30 (as planned. that was a cocktail hour with some good appetizers. i avoided the fried ones and stuck to the veggie ones... mostly ) but then we sat at our table until THREE before we even got our salads!!! retarded! the food was okay. i had a warm salad of tomato/garlic/fresh mozz, and i think that was the best food that was offered for entree i had halibut with slivers of asparagus and an "asparagus risotto cake" which was like overcooked rice with three tiny slices of asparagus in it, the whole thing shaped like a ricecake but then i said 'no' to dessert! yay! they even offered it to me several times, but i continued to say no! oh, and i didn't have any sweet drinks i had a vodka tonic and a glass of red wine with dinner (the white they had was chardonnay, which i think is ick). then we got a group of us together and headed to the 'usual' bar for drinks. i had one stella (beer), and then excused myself. i think i did pretty well.

then i promptly came home and fell asleep i meant it to be a nap, but i slept straight through til seven thirty this morning, ha. at least i got a good start on the day

today for breakfast i had:

3 eggs scrambled with green peppers and the shallots that are left over from thanksgiving, 2 pieces of turkey bacon, coffee with stevia and half/half, v8

weekends are more difficult for me cos i have less of a plan going on. i need to do some shopping today for my girlie (eep! i can't believe how little time is left!). i wonder when this specific shop opens... hmm...

well, there's chicken in the fridge for dinner. i think i'll look in the recipe book for some ideas of what to do with it. we still have the snowpeas and a head of cabbage (that the roommate insisted she'd cook... two weeks ago!). i'll see what i can do. oh! we also have what it takes to make split pea soup. that could be a good saturday night thing. hmmm. ok. i'll think on it.

[wildflight]

saturday was not a particularly good sb day for me. after my good breakfast and a nice snack, i scarfed down a v8 and a ww flatbread dipped in plain yogurt before heading out to the city to do shopping. then we were so hungry on our way home that we caved and went to wendy's. i had a taco salad and didn't eat the chips that come with it, but it's still fast food. then we went to a party, and i started out ok with carrots and hummus, but then there were chips and guac, and pretzels and bean dip, and cookies (oh god the cookies--maple pecan oatmeal cookies!) and that's just the stuff i ate

sunday was ok. i turned down cookies that the roommate baked. i had eggs and turkey bacon for breakfast. i had a ww flatbread with fresh salsa and pepperjack cheese on it under the broiler (can't tell if that's a tostada or a pizza) and then the roommate made this dinner that was cabbage and tomatoes and chilis and soy-ground-beef-style-product (she's vegetarian) that was soooooo good. and i had a fudgesicle for dessert. t'was good, though i think the cabbage messed with all of our stomachs.

today i'm back in the office with the office temptations, but they don't look so tempting today. it's just me and my boss here in our little group. everyone else is either sick or taking a day off.

foodwise i have:

b: yogurt with baking cocoa and stevia, 2 pieces canadian bacon, coffee with stevia and half/half

s: stop n shop light yogurt (which i recently discovered has fructose as an ingredient so i'm not buying it anymore, but i had some left in the fridge), v8, 15 almonds, stick of pepperjack cheese, stick of colbyjack cheese

l: tuna fillets, broccoli, celery, jello sf pudding

s: well... we'll see. maybe celery with cream cheese at home? i dunno.

d: we [still] have chicken in the fridge and also salmon.

[wildflight]

ok. yesterday not good. went to lunch at a pub with the ladies i work with, had a big burger and french fries. ahem. then couscous with dinner (not ww) plus a little of a friend's pad thai that she had left over. at least we didn't eat the carvel cake that's in the freezer.

[soybean]

i totally understand. way to have made some relaly great choices at your company hoiday dinner though!
last thursday through sunday my power was out. it was freezing in my house, but i totally threw all of sbd out of the door and ate marshmellows, ice cream, oreos, chips...you name it...but i'm back on, esepcially becaus ei planned out my foods.

everyday is a new day right?

[wildflight]

wow! that's a long time to go without power and heat. i don't blame you for caving, but you're right that every day is a new day.

for the record, here's what i'm eating today.

B. plain yogurt with cinnamon and 'maple' sf syrup

S. v8, 3 pieces of butterscotch/pecan/coconut bar

L. teriyaki tuna fillets, broccoli, celery, spicy ranch, sf jello pudding

S. water

D. that dang chicken is still in the fridge. however, i'm going to the chiropractor this evening and then we're going out to bed bath... and beyond! to finish the shoppingness. there may be some pizza in between i promise myself that i'll at least get a slice that has some veggies on it.

everyone i work with is ill. coughing, exhausted, phlegmy, achy, scratchy throat, lost voices. i feel a little wiped out today, and i can't tell if it's because i'm succumbing to the illness myself or if it's because of my crap eating yesterday. i would think that my broccoli would help me out on that... but who knows. *reaches for another cup of airborne* one more day of work before i go to ohio to see the son! yay! *tries not to panic over the stress*

oh. and i'm due to get my period tomorrow. (and i won't apologize for that if you find it to be tmi. it's my journal.)

[wildflight]

back from christmas! back to work! back to sb!

had a loverly loverly weekend with my various families. fell ill with a 12 hour bug on sunday, but am feeling quite fine today. santa was good to me and mine this year

today i'm eating:

B. plain yogurt with cinnamon and 'maple' sf syrup
S. cheese stick and dried apricots
L. tuna fillets, small salad from the cafeteria, and jello pudding
S. yogurt, v8
D. not sure. the girlie left for florida today so i'm eating alone. maybe i'll have breakfast for dinner and do an egg scramble (with veggies in) and turkey bacon. we'll see.

i'm so happy and full of love right now. it's great!

[wildflight]

aargh. being alone makes eating so much more difficult for me. there were no eggs in the house last night, and my solution to that problem was to not eat dinner. poo. that's probably the reason the scale is at 154 today, so i'm not changing my stats in my signature.

tonight the roommate and i do grocery shopping, though. let's hope that goes well! must get eggs and veggies! and nuts!

today looks like this:

B. plain yogurt with cinnamon and sf 'maple' syrup
S. 2 cheese sticks, v8, breyer's light yogurt
L. tuna fillets, carrot sticks, jello pudding
S. water (unless i wait til i get home and have something there)
D. no really. i might have eggs tonight like i planned to last night.

*sigh* feeling a little down cos my lady is away and there's work to do that i've been slacking on.

[wildflight]

i feel like crap today. i'm tired. i'm a little nauseous. i'm a little dizzy. i don't know if the lack of good sleep is a symptom or a cause, but it's another annoyance. i almost called in sick today... twice. then i thought of my boss who is always here and productive no matter how she feels. i couldn't let her down today just cos i am not in the mood for working

last night i went groceryshopping with the roommate. it went well. except for the reduced price christmas cookies. dang. i ate three of the mini frosted sugar cookies.

BUT i also had a good dinner of an egg scramble that involved three eggs, half a green pepper, three shallots (i always get that word confused with 'scallions' and 'scallops'), two slices of turkey bacon. *proud of having eaten*

this morning i couldn't stomach coffee before leaving the house. i'm thinking i won't be able to handle my tuna fillets at lunch. aargh. i don't like this lack of appetite thing that's going on. i wonder what the reason is...

today's food is supposed to look like this:

B. plain yogurt with sf 'maple' syrup
S. almonds, 2 chocolates from the box in the commons, nsa hot cocoa, v8
--------
L. tuna fillets, broccoli and dip, jello pudding
S. yogurt, cheese sticks
D. eggs and veggies and bacon again

tonight i have to HAVE to do laundry. i'm totally out of undies! ahh! but at the same time i'm sooooooooooooo sleeeeeeepy...

[wildflight]

day not going according to plan.

lunch ended up being a bagel with light cream cheese, and a banana. bah. couldn't stomach the idea of anything else. i wonder if i'm getting sick.

[wildflight]

i felt much more energetic when i got home last night than i had earlier in the day. i got my laundry done, finished reading my book, and ate a decent dinner! yay! i did stay home today to sleep in and get ready for my trip. last night i ended up having brown rice and black beans and salsa and light sour cream for dinner. i've been missing the beans in my diet.

this morning i've had a breakfast tostada which consisted of eggs beat together with chopped broccoli and cauliflower cooked in a single piece (think omelet only round) placed on a ww tortilla once it was cooked, then topped with black beans and lf shredded cheese and broiled until the cheese was melty. mmmm! then i had three cookies ah well. i've decided that i really want to see the scale say 150 instead of being happy with 154 (which it said again this morning!). look at me setting a mini goal!

[wildflight]

ok. back from vacation.

i've joined the january jump start challenge. weigh in starts today. this morning i was 157lb for the record.

this weekend is a funeral out of town. poop. i don't think i can bring my scale with me cos i didn't think to pack it last night. i'll see what i can do at the hotel. maybe they have a gym with a scale.

food today:
B. plain yogurt with cinnamon and sf 'maple' syrup, coffee with 1 spoon splenda and half/half

S. pumpernickel bagel with vegetable cream cheese. dang. that wasn't supposed to happen. also, breyers light yogurt, v8, 2 cheese sticks, 15 almonds

L. tuna fillets, broccoli and dressing, jello pudding, water

S. whatever i didn't eat from my morning snack foods

D. we'll be on the road. salad of some sort with chicken, i plan.