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Fabulous at 51 and Beyond !!!
Moderators: Magna, Kimboroni, SBMike, RonniRoo, bethy
by fab50 » Mon Jan 29, 2007 2:10 pm
Yesterday ended up being totally nuts. DSS had Hebrew school in the morning, and then was supposed to spend an hour from 2-3 doing the part of his Bar Mitzvah studies he's doing with his mom. After that, he was going to do homework and then he was really looking forward to down time doing radio stuff with his father.
DSS's mother spent the phone time she was supposed to do Bar Mitzvah studies with him bitching about DH and not working on the studies.
Towards the end of the conversation, DSS told her he didn't agree with her about something she was saying about DH, and that he was tired of her trashing DH and looking for him to always take her side!!!! She told he she was so upset she needed to get off the phone for a little while.
DSS had a lot of homework to do, and he was actually pretty motivated to get started on school work. He wanted time after homework to do other things, and he was very upset by all of this, plus his hour of study time with his mother had passed with no work getting done, and now she wanted another hour to do the work she was supposed to have already done with him. DH told her no, DSS needed to get going on his regular homework. He had Hebrew School and a Bar Mitzvah lesson in the morning, then an hour set up to work on the part of the studies he's doing with his mom, and now it was time to do his secular school work. We asked DSS and he didn't want to talk with his mother any more, and we didn't force him to get on the phone.
DSS managed to calm down well and get working on math with me, despite his mother's repeated calls, which DH answered by saying he was no longer available. So, the ex put in an "emergency" call to DSS's therapist's answering service, who called us, talked to me briefly, and then talked to DSS. They talked for a while, mostly about his mom, as well as other upset that this all had stirred up. Then we got back to homework. Meanwhile the ex called again, and DSS did not want to talk to her. She had DH tell him that if he didn't call her back before 9:00 pm, he was no longer welcome to come to California to be with her during February school vacation!!!! Who says this to a 12 year old kid????
We talked to him about the situation and various ways of looking at it. Should he be stubborn, because he thought this was ridiculous? Should he call her and take the path of least resistence? Did he want to talk to his 24 year old sister, who's used to her mother's threats? He knows his mother can make ridiculous threats, and he seemed inclined to "test" her by not calling her...plus he just did not want to talk to her. (He knows he's going to end up going to California for the vacation...but just in case, he asked what would happen if he didn't. We told him we were just going to be in town working that week, and if he ended up here, we'd have an at home vacation and take some time off to do fun things)
He kept talking about how we don't "trash" her, but she contantly trashes DH and me. (I was pleased to hear that one, because I'm not sure I'm as good as I should be about holding my opinions of her to myself) He's tired of her putting him in the middle and of her controlling behavior. He said things about how his mom wants him to think she's perfect and his father is terrible, and that used to work when he was younger, but not any more.
She started IM'ing him around 8:00. First he turned off his computer, then he decided to respond to the IM's but still not to call.
Of course very little homework done. It killed me, because we had such a good weekend up until then, and before the call with his mother, he was in great spirits with wonderful resolve to get a lot done.
This morning he was in good shape getting up and ready for school, but I'm sure there will be emotional and behavioral fallout...and of course it's not over.
I'm pleased with his increasing self-awareness and independence from his mother. I'm glad he has a therapist who sees his mother for who she is.
But I feel so bad for him having such a nutty controlling mother.
DSS's mother spent the phone time she was supposed to do Bar Mitzvah studies with him bitching about DH and not working on the studies.
Towards the end of the conversation, DSS told her he didn't agree with her about something she was saying about DH, and that he was tired of her trashing DH and looking for him to always take her side!!!! She told he she was so upset she needed to get off the phone for a little while.
DSS had a lot of homework to do, and he was actually pretty motivated to get started on school work. He wanted time after homework to do other things, and he was very upset by all of this, plus his hour of study time with his mother had passed with no work getting done, and now she wanted another hour to do the work she was supposed to have already done with him. DH told her no, DSS needed to get going on his regular homework. He had Hebrew School and a Bar Mitzvah lesson in the morning, then an hour set up to work on the part of the studies he's doing with his mom, and now it was time to do his secular school work. We asked DSS and he didn't want to talk with his mother any more, and we didn't force him to get on the phone.
DSS managed to calm down well and get working on math with me, despite his mother's repeated calls, which DH answered by saying he was no longer available. So, the ex put in an "emergency" call to DSS's therapist's answering service, who called us, talked to me briefly, and then talked to DSS. They talked for a while, mostly about his mom, as well as other upset that this all had stirred up. Then we got back to homework. Meanwhile the ex called again, and DSS did not want to talk to her. She had DH tell him that if he didn't call her back before 9:00 pm, he was no longer welcome to come to California to be with her during February school vacation!!!! Who says this to a 12 year old kid????
We talked to him about the situation and various ways of looking at it. Should he be stubborn, because he thought this was ridiculous? Should he call her and take the path of least resistence? Did he want to talk to his 24 year old sister, who's used to her mother's threats? He knows his mother can make ridiculous threats, and he seemed inclined to "test" her by not calling her...plus he just did not want to talk to her. (He knows he's going to end up going to California for the vacation...but just in case, he asked what would happen if he didn't. We told him we were just going to be in town working that week, and if he ended up here, we'd have an at home vacation and take some time off to do fun things)
He kept talking about how we don't "trash" her, but she contantly trashes DH and me. (I was pleased to hear that one, because I'm not sure I'm as good as I should be about holding my opinions of her to myself) He's tired of her putting him in the middle and of her controlling behavior. He said things about how his mom wants him to think she's perfect and his father is terrible, and that used to work when he was younger, but not any more.
She started IM'ing him around 8:00. First he turned off his computer, then he decided to respond to the IM's but still not to call.
Of course very little homework done. It killed me, because we had such a good weekend up until then, and before the call with his mother, he was in great spirits with wonderful resolve to get a lot done.
This morning he was in good shape getting up and ready for school, but I'm sure there will be emotional and behavioral fallout...and of course it's not over.
I'm pleased with his increasing self-awareness and independence from his mother. I'm glad he has a therapist who sees his mother for who she is.
But I feel so bad for him having such a nutty controlling mother.
250/180/150
If hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the solution
If hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the solution
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fab50 - Posts: 832
- Joined: Tue Dec 28, 2004 1:49 pm
- Location: Massachusetts
by Wally » Mon Jan 29, 2007 2:19 pm
Gosh Fab, I'm so sorry to hear that. My mom was the same way to me, and I lived with her. And it really ends up making you a way different parent.
But he is 12 and what a rough thing to do to a 12 yo. I'm glad you have him in counseling.
Tons and tons of {[HUGS}} for you and DSS.
But he is 12 and what a rough thing to do to a 12 yo. I'm glad you have him in counseling.
Tons and tons of {[HUGS}} for you and DSS.
Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
It'll be, better than before,
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.
~~Fleetwood Mac
Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
It'll be, better than before,
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.
~~Fleetwood Mac
-
Wally - Posts: 2893
- Joined: Wed Aug 23, 2006 7:57 pm
- Location: Toledo, Ohio
by LegalBeagle » Mon Jan 29, 2007 2:28 pm
I really feel for your DSS. It's horrible when parents use their kids as pawns or weapons against the ex spouses. Happens a lot, and always to the detriment of the poor kids, who certainly didn't ask to be put in the horrible position they are in, and often times have inadequate ways to deal with all the anger, stress, and sadness this puts in their lives.
I am glad DSS has such a nice Dad and StepMom to be there for him. It sounds like she might be the cause of so many of DSS's problems.
Hang in there, and don't let all this derail your great SB success!
I am glad DSS has such a nice Dad and StepMom to be there for him. It sounds like she might be the cause of so many of DSS's problems.
Hang in there, and don't let all this derail your great SB success!
287.4/174/180
"Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your Vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your Ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil." - James Allen
"Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your Vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your Ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil." - James Allen
-
LegalBeagle - Posts: 14529
- Joined: Thu Jun 03, 2004 10:12 pm
by anneg1116 » Tue Jan 30, 2007 11:59 am
Oh Fab, I feel so bad for DSS to be caught in something like this with his Mom. But at the same time it's nice to see that he can see what's going on and is able to make some decisions and handle things himself, too. It shows that his time with you and DH must be doing wonders for him to be able to grow and think in that way.
Hope you are well.
Hope you are well.
86 lbs Gone!
No one can resist the golden lasso.
The triumph can't be had without the struggle.
No one can resist the golden lasso.
The triumph can't be had without the struggle.
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anneg1116 - Posts: 12663
- Joined: Thu Jul 14, 2005 1:43 pm
- Location: In my invisible jet
by fab50 » Tue Jan 30, 2007 10:39 pm
DSS is home sick today...at 2:00 a.m. he needed to throw up and didn't make it to the bathroom...uck...DH took care of him and I did the cleaning 
It was an easier day for me to take off of work than DH, so I've been home all day. I had a couple of conference calls, so I took them from home, and did a bit of writing and spreadsheet work, between taking care of the boy.
He slept a lot, sat glazed in the livingroom chair watching TV some, and until recently had next to no appetite (very unusual for him). Just wanted water, whenever I offered anything. Now he's had some white rice and apple juice, and he's getting a little energy.
But, now I'm getting sick. All day I've wanted really bland food, and couldn't stomach the idea of raw vegetables. I really wanted carbs, but I've eaten some other stuff. I've had a mini ww bagel, a slice of cheese, bread w/peanut butter, coffee w/a lot of milk, and roasted pepper and tomato soup with rice. Now my head is splitting, and I'm ready to get in bed when DH gets home. So much for book group tonight.
DSS is waiting to talk to his therapist about Sunday. His mom wrote him a long email about it. The two have talked a bit, including today since DH called her to let her know he's sick, but not about the big stuff.
It was an easier day for me to take off of work than DH, so I've been home all day. I had a couple of conference calls, so I took them from home, and did a bit of writing and spreadsheet work, between taking care of the boy.
He slept a lot, sat glazed in the livingroom chair watching TV some, and until recently had next to no appetite (very unusual for him). Just wanted water, whenever I offered anything. Now he's had some white rice and apple juice, and he's getting a little energy.
But, now I'm getting sick. All day I've wanted really bland food, and couldn't stomach the idea of raw vegetables. I really wanted carbs, but I've eaten some other stuff. I've had a mini ww bagel, a slice of cheese, bread w/peanut butter, coffee w/a lot of milk, and roasted pepper and tomato soup with rice. Now my head is splitting, and I'm ready to get in bed when DH gets home. So much for book group tonight.
DSS is waiting to talk to his therapist about Sunday. His mom wrote him a long email about it. The two have talked a bit, including today since DH called her to let her know he's sick, but not about the big stuff.
250/180/150
If hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the solution
If hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the solution
-
fab50 - Posts: 832
- Joined: Tue Dec 28, 2004 1:49 pm
- Location: Massachusetts
by ladybugnessa » Wed Jan 31, 2007 2:35 am
I am so sorry your DSS has a lunatic for a biomom and you to take care of him.
those of us who are raising children we did not birth earn special stars...
those of us who are raising children we did not birth earn special stars...
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ladybugnessa - Posts: 22338
- Joined: Sun Apr 23, 2006 3:09 pm
- Location: over there
by fab50 » Wed Jan 31, 2007 4:01 pm
feeling ookay today...a little draggy and washed out, but okay. DSS is home with DH, still sick but on the mend.
So, I decided to go in to the office for a few hours. Not much time to post, but I thought I'd check in.
Food today is good so far. Mini bagel. NF latte, yogurt, and cottage cheese for brekky and snack.
Lunch is salad w/turkey breast and an apple. Not sure about snack and dinner.
Think the best thing for me to do here is buckle down, get some work done, and check in later this afternoon.
So, I decided to go in to the office for a few hours. Not much time to post, but I thought I'd check in.
Food today is good so far. Mini bagel. NF latte, yogurt, and cottage cheese for brekky and snack.
Lunch is salad w/turkey breast and an apple. Not sure about snack and dinner.
Think the best thing for me to do here is buckle down, get some work done, and check in later this afternoon.
250/180/150
If hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the solution
If hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the solution
-
fab50 - Posts: 832
- Joined: Tue Dec 28, 2004 1:49 pm
- Location: Massachusetts
by Wally » Wed Jan 31, 2007 5:41 pm
Hope you are getting all your work done!! I think I am finally catching up!
Have a great day!
Have a great day!
Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
It'll be, better than before,
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.
~~Fleetwood Mac
Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
It'll be, better than before,
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.
~~Fleetwood Mac
-
Wally - Posts: 2893
- Joined: Wed Aug 23, 2006 7:57 pm
- Location: Toledo, Ohio
by fab50 » Thu Feb 01, 2007 3:19 pm
Made a great dinner last night...a low fat simplification of a dish from Silver Palate. Bluefish with mustard and apples.
Slice 2 crisp apples thinly with or w/out skins (I kept them on), and saute in 1TB Earth Balance (or smart balance) on Med-high heat until brown.
Spray small pan that fish just fits in w/pam. Put 1 lb bluefish in pan. Spread good quality mustard on fish (I used Grey Poupon spicy dijon, about 1/4 cup) , sprinkle with garlic powder. Put apples around and on fish. Top w/dry white wine (1/2cup?). Bake at 350 for about 15 minutes, until fish is just cooked. Very yummy and beachy.
Had some of the leftovers for breakfast, too. I love fish for brekky.
Slice 2 crisp apples thinly with or w/out skins (I kept them on), and saute in 1TB Earth Balance (or smart balance) on Med-high heat until brown.
Spray small pan that fish just fits in w/pam. Put 1 lb bluefish in pan. Spread good quality mustard on fish (I used Grey Poupon spicy dijon, about 1/4 cup) , sprinkle with garlic powder. Put apples around and on fish. Top w/dry white wine (1/2cup?). Bake at 350 for about 15 minutes, until fish is just cooked. Very yummy and beachy.
Had some of the leftovers for breakfast, too. I love fish for brekky.
250/180/150
If hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the solution
If hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the solution
-
fab50 - Posts: 832
- Joined: Tue Dec 28, 2004 1:49 pm
- Location: Massachusetts
by LegalBeagle » Thu Feb 01, 2007 3:21 pm
Could you use fresh garlic? I loathe garlic powder. 
Fish and apples. Odd combo. I usually cook pork with apples. And love them in oatmeal.
Did you get my PM where I asked you to tell me where all y'all went while you were in Savannah and how you liked it???
Fish and apples. Odd combo. I usually cook pork with apples. And love them in oatmeal.
Did you get my PM where I asked you to tell me where all y'all went while you were in Savannah and how you liked it???
287.4/174/180
"Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your Vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your Ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil." - James Allen
"Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your Vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your Ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil." - James Allen
-
LegalBeagle - Posts: 14529
- Joined: Thu Jun 03, 2004 10:12 pm
by ladybugnessa » Thu Feb 01, 2007 3:22 pm
fresh garlic is wonderful i put it in almost everything...
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ladybugnessa - Posts: 22338
- Joined: Sun Apr 23, 2006 3:09 pm
- Location: over there
by Wally » Thu Feb 01, 2007 3:31 pm
That sounds really interesting. DH uses apples alot, something MIL used to do.
I love seeing fish recipes, thanks. In fact if anyone else has one as easy as the Greek Chicken, I would love to see it.
Have a great Day!!!
I love seeing fish recipes, thanks. In fact if anyone else has one as easy as the Greek Chicken, I would love to see it.
Have a great Day!!!
Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
It'll be, better than before,
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.
~~Fleetwood Mac
Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
It'll be, better than before,
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.
~~Fleetwood Mac
-
Wally - Posts: 2893
- Joined: Wed Aug 23, 2006 7:57 pm
- Location: Toledo, Ohio
by fab50 » Thu Feb 01, 2007 4:02 pm
I'm sure fresh garlic would be fine.
I don't think most fish would stand up will to the apple/mustard combination, but it works really well with bluefish.
Legal Seafoods does a bluefish with mustard sauce that's long been a favorite of both mine and DH. I've done a simple version at home, by spreading a mustard/low fat mayo mixture on broiled bluefish for the last minute or so of broiling. Just to get it very slightly browned.
I don't think most fish would stand up will to the apple/mustard combination, but it works really well with bluefish.
Legal Seafoods does a bluefish with mustard sauce that's long been a favorite of both mine and DH. I've done a simple version at home, by spreading a mustard/low fat mayo mixture on broiled bluefish for the last minute or so of broiling. Just to get it very slightly browned.
250/180/150
If hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the solution
If hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the solution
-
fab50 - Posts: 832
- Joined: Tue Dec 28, 2004 1:49 pm
- Location: Massachusetts
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