Sorry it's been a while since my last post. Some very painful things happened last week, and the thought of writing about it drains me, but i know i need to do it, so here goes. (warning: this is a long post!!)
I had called my in-laws a week ago to tell them how things were going FS, medical clinic wise, & healthwise, & during the course of the conversation MIL asked how things were money wise. i told her it was tight, but we'd make it thru the end of the month. i also said we have an outstanding phone bill & medical bill. She said she'd try to help us w/ that. The next day, she called & talked to dh, & said they might not be able to help too much b/c they had to pay our car insurance, & that would take most of her paycheck. She also told dh that they had called my father & told him what was going on, & he had said, "Well, if they can't pay for food, why do they have cable & cell phones [my dad HATES cell phones]?" Thankfully, my MIL (who took care of dh for 20 years, & understands how important something like cable tv is to someone who can't get out very easily) replied "well, they've gotta have somewhat of a life!!". As far as the cell phone thing, dh has been going down the road in his wheelchair and gotten stuck or lost or something too many times for me to not make sure he has a phone w/ him @ all times!! And apparently, my dad couldn't seem to realize that we're trying to get food stamps so instead of spending money on food, we can put it towards other things (like that phone bill & medical bill). So, later that evening, i called my dad (he had left a message on my phone, which i didn't get until dh's mom called us). Of course, he didn't say anything TO ME about the phone conversation w/ my MIL. HE did at least say he would sent us some money to help w/ bills. But, of course, this was AFTER he HAD to go on a tirade about how 'two years ago he had helped my brother get ou to of debt and move from Texas to Utah w/ some money he'd saved up, & he'd never seen a red cent of it repaid, & probably never will.'
The next day, MIL called & talked to dh again. She told him they had called my dad again, & here's what HE told them: HE told them, "Becky's just like her mother, she knows how to live very frugally. My wife works so she can have her own spending money, that way she doesn't have to ask me for money" [my dad is retired]
I would think that being able to live frugally would be something to be proud of, NOT something to make fun of your own daughter about. [I don't know how anyone else would feel if they found out their dad had said this about them, but I was VERY HURT by it]. But i also think that he was saying that i'm lazy & don't work for what i want (especaily since he know i'm only working 2 hrs a week right now). [Plus, i think he's really disappointed that i, the first girl in his direct family line in about 70 years, didn't finish college.]
Also, apperently both of our parents think that i need to work more hours, EVEN THOUGH THEY KNOW ABOUT THE PROBLEMS I'M HAVING W/ MY FOOT!! apparently, either they don't realize how bad the problem is some days, or they just expect me to be able to do everything no matter wether or not i'm able to walk that day!![i do in- home care, which requires a bit of walking]. I'd like to know how they think it is that i'm being lazy by only working two hours, when that's about all i can handle b/c of my foot!! Well, that, along w/ still having to do all the driving (dh is legally blind)(including taking dh to any appointment HE has), shopping, housework, & cooking, as well as getting myself & dh dressed every morning!!
What he doesn't seem to get is that when i was working full time, that really only meant things: 1) our rent went up (we get housing assistance), 2) DH's social security (ss) check went down (SS & housing are both based on family income). So, we weren't really any farther ahead when i work full time then when i don't. AND, when i work full time, that means that dy is home by himself most of the day, and he starts going stir crazy, so by the time i get home (& am usually dead tired, just want to stay home & cook, & need to do lots of housework)- guess what-- I had to put aside whatever i wanted/ needed to do, as well as how tired i was, & take dh out somewhere, just so he could get out of the house for a few hours!! After awhile, i began to feel like it wasn't worth it to work myself to the bone like this b/c even w/ all I was doing, we'd never get any further ahead (thanks to housing & ss being based on income). It was only a few short years later that i found out i have hypothyriod (& one of the symptoms of that is.... always being tired, & not having a lot of energy....hhhmm...).
So, yeah, i was upset by what my dad had said. it made me feel like no matter what i did, or how hard i tried or worked at something, i was just a big screw up & a failure to him, and he'd always be disappointed.
As for me, i don't think that about myself. But it sure hurts that someone else seems to think that. As for me, i think i do A LOT of work, and i'm proud of the work i do!!
Well, both parents sent us money, which turned out to be a good thing, b/c SS shorted dh almost 250$ in his monthly payment. Here's what happened ss wise (warning: long explanation)- when dh was working, he had to send his paycheck stubs in to ss (b/c, like i said before, his ss check goes up or down based on family income). Well, Dh has been sick & not able to go to work since Sept. When we sent his last checkstub in, i wrote a note on it that said he was sick & couldn't work, but we'd be sure to notify them when he was able to go back to work. So, his ss check amount was raised, and we had no problems w/ it in oct & nov. Well, early in nov, we got a notice from ss that said that dh had made 800$ in oct [he would have, had he been working, b/c he would have had 3 paydays that month instead of 2], & therefore his check would be lowered. Well, we called & got it all straightened out [we thought!!]. we also asked them to send us a paper showing what dh's now corrected amount for Dec would be. Well, we never got the paper (but sometimes things take a while in the mail). Well, when dh got his check, it was for the original (before correction) amt. We called ss, & they could see the 'glitch', & sent a message on to someone (presumably in our local office) to have them fix the problem. WEhave yet to hear back to anyone, so we'll be calling them tomorrow. So, the money that our parents sent us to help w/ bills isn't going to be put towards bills until we get what we're owed from ss!!
ONe good thing i'm happy to report is that i've remained pretty good about my eating!! YAY!!!
6ft,33, hypothyroid, plantar fasciitis, Sleep Apnea, wifey & caregiver to a hunny w/ Cerebral Palsy, I've lost 80 lbs, 27 more to go!
no longer on Sb due to food sensitivities, but I still eat healthy!
SW- oct 2006 289lbs
GW- 182 lbs