the long and winding road

[killertomato]

i'm beginning this journal because i NEED to........i have been beachin' it since july 11, 2006. i have lost 25 lbs. to date. i am thrilled with that, but still have a ways to go. this board has been a major source of encouragement for me. i mostly just read and do not post all that often, but i am here nonetheless. i decided i need this journal as a place that i can go to document my thrills and my frustrations with this WOE. i feel the holidays coming up and though i know that i am in control of my eating, i still need all the tools i can get at my disposal........enough of that.....time for my stats.......i am 41, married, have four children and an absolutely beautiful granddaughter. i am 5' 3" tall. and i am a student. i graduate in 1 1/2 years, may of '08. i will have a degree in elementary/special education....... i have been anywhere from a little heavy to quite a bit heavy most of my life. at 14, i did go to the other extreme, and stopped eating and hit a low of 93 lbs. i looked sick. i have always been told by drs. that i look about 20 lbs. lighter than what i weigh, so at 93 and with bones poking out everywhere, it was not a good look. a few years ago, with the help of ephedra, i lost 36 lbs....... after i started school, i gained most of that back....... i will admit i was not too happy when ephedra was "outlawed", even though i knew it wasn't healthy, it worked for me, and at the time, that was all i cared about. i now know how erroneous that line of thinking was. i love this way of life. i feel great and i know that i am eating healthy and doing something good for my body for a change. i want to thank everyone for all their posts on this forum. oftentimes we don't know what an encouragement we are to others, but for everyone who posts, your high points and your low points.....thank you.....it is so nice to know that i am not alone in this.....i'm hoping to get some pics on here soon.... to help myself and hopefully someone else along the way.......and here's to hoping i will be posting weight loss updates soon...................

[country bumpkin]

You finally made a journal! YAY! Now i can keep up with you too! First off hi I forgot to write that b/c i was so excited to see your journal! I love my journal. I can sit there and write anything and no matter what some one come along and help me.

I could have wrote your post. I have always battled my weight through one extreme or the other. Well, I have never been 93 pounds..but nevertheless I understand exactly what your saying. My lowest that i know of was 135 and that was with boots and hoodie and jeans and a heavy t-shirt. So, Im sure i could been much lower then that. Im also 5'3" with 4 kids. But you knew that already.

[killertomato]

thanks......what a nice welcome.........i have been rather complacent lately about my eating, a bite here or a bite there. it won't hurt......and i need to knock it off. school is stressing me right now and i think i may be eating as a result, but not any longer!!!!!...so, part of my journal is a commitment to myself to get myself fully back in the game. i have to admit my working out has been so sporadic that it has been pretty much nonexistent. today is my 10 hour day at school, but i am still going to try to get my butt onto the elliptical and do 20-30 minutes. i feel so much better after i work out. not just physically, but mentally as well. well thanks again for your warm welcome and please, keep your eye on me ........have a great day

[killertomato]

today was "official weigh day" at my house......no change, still at a 25 lb. loss, but that's cool........no gain!!!!!! after all those little bites here and there, i was a little worried............really stressing and will be for the next week or so. school work is unbelievable. and on top of that my husband is sick, so i will be taking him to the dr. later.............if i get it all done i will be truly impressed with myself. i'm going to use today's workout as a stress reliever. well, i will be starting this day out by cranking out a lesson plan on the underground railroad....ah, the fun never ends...............

[killertomato]

go me!!!!!!!!........2 more lbs. gone today. too bad it isn't tuesday so i can move the ticker, but that's okay. i'm feeling so good..... off to thrill the kindergarteners with my dazzling teaching styles.... i'm being observed today so i'm a little nervous......this 2 lb. loss helps put me in a better frame of mind though. wonder if that's good or bad; to let that effect my mood. hmmmmmmmm.....whatever, it does, so....that's that

[country bumpkin]

YAY! On the 2 pound loss. Be careful with the little bites We all know how they can turn into bigger ones.

How did your day go getting observed? I have friends that are teachers and they HATE them. They feel like their under the microscope.

Anyhow, great job!

[killertomato]

thanks for the hurray.......i am thrilled by it.......the observing went well. i thought i would be nervous but i have found that the older i have gotten, i just don't care as much. plus, my confidence level is so much higher than when i was younger. but, my instructor is a nice guy, so that makes it easier too. i am glad it's over though. i teach twice, because it's kindergarten and they have am and pm, no all day kindergarten here. so i had him come for the afternoon lesson. it always goes better, as i can fine tune any mistakes i make with the morning class. i did have to teach a music lesson last night to my peers and that went horribly. i just did not have it together, i'm kind of dreading that grade, but maybe it will be better than i think. i volunteered to go first so maybe that earned me some bonus pts . tomorrow i sub for a first grade. i don't want to, but i already accepted the job. i have so much work to do for school. i don't know how i will ever get it all done. i really could have used tomorrow to accomplish something but oh well, at least i'll earn a little money. thanks for the encouragement, and please, pop in anytime........

[killertomato]

wow....can't believe it's tuesday already. my aim was to post every day or at least almost every day, and here i am, haven't posted since friday. i guess school really has been kicking my butt. it's almost over though. this past weekend was the toughest on my school schedule that i have ever had. doesn't help when the guy you are supposed to do a presentation with is a no show until a few hours before it's all due...........anyway, it's over with now................................today has been 19 weeks of my new life....the scale still hasn't moved again, but it's all good. i know it will. i am happy with my loss so far. it's funny, i started noticing this yesterday. so i've lost 27 lbs. so far and i feel great. i think i look a lot better too. i have been pretty pleased with my appearance for the last month or so. maybe that explains some of my complacency.......but yesterday i noticed that i was looking at myself with more of a ctitical eye again. i can still see the progress that i have made, but it is no longer enough. i want more. i want to keep going and get to that place i want to be. i want to reach my goal. i tend to think of it in the same way i look at school. these are goals i have set and if i don't reach them, i have no one but myself to blame. i know that i am capable of this, i just have to maintain control over the aspects of my life that i can control. apparently i needed to give myself a pep talk of sorts this morning.........ah, i wish i could get into therapy.............i just think it would be so interesting to see what someone else thinks of my thoughts, my actions, etc.........see if it jives with my own interpretations of myself........off to grocery shop

[country bumpkin]

Hello there

I think we are the worst critics on our selves. I think we like the feeling that we have changed our bodies and once we get it then we set the "bar" even higher.

I know for a fact with me..it all optical illusion. The pants I had on today (8's) was just a dream to wear at one point in time. Now that I can wear them...its not good enough and I still see flaws. And that is with my clothes on! LOL I think no matter what size we get to or try to get to it will never be good enough in our eyes. Now, others it may be perfect.

I hope I helped..like i said this is JMO

[killertomato]

thanks for checking in. well, i made it through thanksgiving without doing too much damage ....at least i hope not too much. i went into today with the mindset that i wasn't cheating. that whatever i ate i was choosing to eat. i have to go at it that way. stupid, but from past experience if i look at it like cheating, it's as if "well, you blew it. might as well blow it all the way"......but this way, i don't feel that way. so i seem to be more content with little tastes. hey, whatever i have to do to pysch myself out ..........

[killertomato]

ahhhhh! that's me screaming....i didn't think i went too wild on thanksgiving but i weighed this morning and it was 173, i had been at 169.5 on my last weigh day (tuesday)....hopefully it's water weight and i am just bloated, so it will come off quickly. i am hoping to at least be back to 169.5 on tuesday. two things i decided i HAVE to bring back into my life.....exercise and more water......i know i don't get enough of either. so, i just got off the elliptical, did 30 minutes. so that makes me feel good. now to just do it daily. it's hard on mondays and wed. because of my 10-12 hour school days, but i will try on those days. i do get somewhat of a workout at school on mondays. that's the day that i have all of my classes so i have all of my books with me. i weighed my backpack the other day and it weighs 16.5 lbs. i refuse to take the elevator so i take the stairs and it's 3 flights up, each flight is 24 stairs. i feel like i can't brreath when i get up there but it still feels good. like i'm getting some workout in. i take those stairs about 3 times on mondays. so tomorrow, i'll be adding more water into my life and will be getting some exercise in again. i have to get some pics on here too. i think seeing the changes will really help me also.

[country bumpkin]

I agree you need more water. I noticed when I upped my water intake my weight came off faster. I agree walking up and down them stairs will be a good workout too.

Also, I noticed with me, that when I stalled out to up your veggie intake and eat the veggie b/c the main food..like chicken or what not can make you full up onthat to fast. JMHO

[KJ]

Hi! How are you? Congrats on the 25 pound loss! You're almost half way to your goal! Woohoo!

We have a few things in common. I just started teaching in September and started my Master's program in August. So a few days a week I have 14 hour days with teaching and schooling. I teach 1st Graders who are Autistic. I've been so busy adjusting to a new town, new job, and master's program that I started not having time for me....no exercise, fast food 2-3 times a day...ick I've gained 25 pounds since August! ick!

Try not to worry about the scale going up......if you had turkey, stuffing, and mashed potatos I'm sure you got a good amount of salt! Bottom's up with the water glasses, and I'm sure things will adjust back to normal.

Don't forget to move that body Sunday. It's my challenge to you to up your workout by 5 minutes. I dare ya! I double dare ya!

Smiles~

[killertomato]

hello kj.......i am so thrilled to have a new visitor. the scale was a little kinder today, had me down a lb. from yesterday, so that's some progress. as for the exercise challenge....i'm up for it....i've got church this morning and then the bears game at 3:15, but i'll get it in there, haha.....wow, you just started teaching and are going straight for your masters!!!! that's impressive. i know me, i will be taking some time off to just teach.......how many students do you have? and do you mind me asking, where you live? it sounds like you had to move to get a job. that's my fear, i live in indiana, up by lake michigan, about an hour from chicago and teaching jobs are a little hard to come by. that's why they now put the special ed on the license, to make us more marketable. funny thing is, i was a paraprofessional at a high school and worked with the kids who were ed and ld, and that's what i really wanted was a k-12 special ed license. that don't have that here, i had to choose so i went with elementary. when i go for my masters, the classes i need to teach secondary special ed are supposed to all count for my masters, so that's cool and then i can teach at the secondary level, if i want....i do like working with the little kids though. they are so sweet, well...most of them .................thanks for stopping by....now i am going to go check up on your journal

[country bumpkin]

Good Morning Killertomatoe

I had a friend you was a special ed teacher and she would tell me some stories that was had happened to her. She would tell me how she would get punched, bite, slapped. I always told her it takes a special person to work with special ed kiddos. Actually,, I dont think i could teach regardless...any kids can do that stuff!