Professor Smurlene's PCOS and Fertility Journal

[Smurlene]

Two Diets...Two Big Gains
So, here I am. I swore to myself after a failed attempt with Atkins in 1999 that I would never go on a diet again. I have only dieted twice in my life. The first time was in my senior year of college and first year of graduate school. I used the Weigh to Win program, and it really worked. It taught me a lot about portion control. I went from a 24 to a 16. It took about a year to get down that far. I felt absolutely fabulous! I looked great! I walked everywhere I went. I was often hungry, but I was young (21-22) and super fabulous! Needless to say, my bf (now dh) moved in with me and disaster struck! He was a McDonald's addict, and I could stop myself. Plus, he had a car and so I stopped walking everywhere.

My second "diet" was Atkins in 1998. I lost 80 lbs in 8 months. I felt pretty bad while on Atkins. I had mood swings and weakness, and I just ddin't feel well overall. I gained it all bad with considerable interest! I couldn't eat like that forever. It was far too restrictive.

Graduate School
Meanwhile, I was working on a MA and then a Ph.D. Both took up considerable time and energy and my needs feel by the way side. I developed worse eating habits than ever and my grad school cronies were bad influences on my exercise habits. The stress really got to me and by the time I was half way through my Ph.D., my weight had ballooned up to 290 lbs.

PCOS
Being diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) in 1998 really helped me stop beating msyelf up over failed weight loss attempts and just being altogether. PCOS hit me like a ton of bricks right after I started my period at age 11. Within a year, I had gained 35 lbs. I weighed 127.5 lbs in 6th grade! I remember this number exactly because my brother used to ride his bike around the neighborhood singing it loudly to anyone who would listen.

For those of you who don't know, PCOS is an endocrine disorder that causes obesity, skin tags, head hair loss, brown patches of skin, facial hair growth, mood disorder, annovulation, menstrual irregularities, and eventually, more than likely, heart disease and diabetes. After trying to get diagnosed for many, many years, I finally felt freed! I knew why I was the way I was. Of course, there is no cure for PCOS, so that is a problem!!! I made it my life's goal to find out as much as I could about the syndrome. I know so much about it, I could write my own book! But, alas, still no cure exists. Diabetes drugs, like metformin, are all we've got.

Body Positive
Without a doubt, one of the best things that happened to me during my graduate career was learning how to write about my body. By doing so, I was able to re-think how I saw my body. For years, from the media, family, friends, teachers, everyone, I was given the idea that there was something wrong with my body. I was told by these harmful messages that being fat was just so wrong.

In 2001, I took my first personal essay course and everything changed. I slowly started re-thinking how I imagined my body. I really started to love it. Within two years, I was going swimming everyday in the University pool right in front of my students...in a bathing suit....at 315 lbs!! It was so liberating and wonderful. I have never looked back. I still feel great about my body, and I didn't join WW or Jenny Craig because I was so afraid that it would damage my body image. Yeah, I got rolls, bumps, bulges, cellulite, but when I look in the mirror, I see me and I love me. How could I hate that!!

Babies (Human and Fur)
The saddest moments in my life were the losses of my babies, and I know these events radically shaped my weight issues and depression. At age 17, I gave birth to a little girl. Three and half months later, she was murdered by her father. He served on seven years in a minimum security prison.

10 years and a wonderful, new husband later, I gave birth to my son three months early. He died after living for one week. He could not be saved. I nearly died giving birth from placental abruption.

Four years later, with the help of metformin and Clomid, I conceived a third child. Unfortunately, it was ectopic and I had to take methotrexate to end the pregnancy. It was a horrible day!

About a month later, our house burned down killing our six fur babies, who had become like children to us. Two of them were hand-raised from three hours old. That was last Christmas. I cycled into severe anxiety and then into an even more severe depression that I am just now coming out of.

[Update: Six weeks after going on the Beach, I got pregnant. I got my bfp about six weeks after that only to discover that it was a blighted ovum. After going through most of a long, natural miscarriage, I ended up having to have a d&c. Although it makes me very sad to have lost the baby, it does give me hope that I can get pregnant again.]

Living For Today...Hoping for Tomorrow
So, here I am at the start of 2006. Having had a recent quite serious bout of depression that started to impact my marriage, I realized that I needed to do something and do something quick! I started SB on Jan. 6. So far, I have lost 13 lbs in three days. I must do this. I want to do this. I want to have a baby. I want to reduce my PCOS symptoms. I want to go off most of my meds. I want to feel good and energetic.

[Update: In Spring 2007, I told my husband that I wanted a divorce. We had been together for more than 10 years. The strain of all we have been through and other factors contributed to this sad situation.]


UPDATE: South Beach and metformin helped me get pregnant. I know have a wonderful 20 month old child! He is the best thing in my life. I am re-married and happier than I have ever been. I lost a totally of 100 lbs on the beach in about two years. The fertility drugs and pregnancy really made me gain, but I managed to lose 60 lbs of that weight by watching calories. It didn't last long, though, and I have gained about ten pounds back. Here I am on the Beach again struggling, but I will keep on trying. One day at time.

Read along with me and help me on my journey!

[Smurlene]

Start Weight: 337 on Jan. 6, 2006
Update One Year Later: 303 on Jan. 6, 2007
Update: 290 on April 12, 2007
Update: 275 on July 12, 2007

Measurements on Jan. 15, 2006:
Bust=50'
upper arm=19"
waist=47"
hips=66"
down to 64" by Jan. 17th

Thighs=35'

Measurements on March 16, 2007:
bust=51.75"
waist=44.00"
abdomen=57.50"
hips=64.00"
thighs=37.75"
arms=18.25"
weight=304 lbs
body fat=49.40%

Measurements on April 14, 2007:
bust=46.00"
waist=43.00"
abdomen=58.00"
hips=62.50"
thighs=34.50"
arms=16.50"
weight=295 lbs
body fat=49.10%

Measurements on May 15, 2007:
bust=46.50"
waist=42.50"
abdomen=58.00"
hips=62.00"
thighs=34.00"
arms=16.50"
weight=288 lbs
body fat=48.60%

Measurements on July 16, 2007:
bust=46.00"
waist=42.50"
abdomen=56.00"
hips=60.50"
thighs=33.02"
arms=16.50"
weight=275 lbs
body fat=46.70%

Weight Goals
Shorter Term Goal: 307 by April 12, 2006. (Presenting research at a big conference.)[not met: long miscarriage interfered]
Short-term weight goal: 299 by June 14. (We are planning a trip to Mexico then.) [not met: we had to move suddenly]
New Short-term weight goal: 299 by February 14. [met!: down to 297 on Jan 16.]
New Short-term weight goal: 250 by Christmas 2007.
Long-term weight goal: size 18 jeans (No plan for when I want to accomplish that.)

Fitness Goals
Short-term fitness goal: get up and exercise...do one 1-mile walk with Walk Away the Pounds by Monday, Jan. 16.
Longer-term fitness goal: Exercise four days a week: MTWTh for 18 min. each session by the Feb. 14.
Long-term fitness goal: Do the WATP 2-mile tape four days a week.
Joined Curves March 15, 2007: plan to go three times a week

Other Health Goals
Go completely off of Buspar (for anxiety) by Jan. 10, 2007.
Go completely off of Protonix (for GERD) by Aug. 11, 2006. [ACCOMPLISHED!]
Get 7-8 hours of good quality sleep each night. [Yes!]
Take better care of my skin. Moisturize. Cleanse. Pamper. [Most of the time.]

Nutrition Goals
Get more Vit. D, Vit. K, zinc, and thiamin. My nutritional profile indicates that I am low on all of those.
Drink at least eight tall glasses of water daily. [Absolutely!]

How I will meet my goals:
1. Go on South Beach. Phase 2 begin date: Jan. 10, 2006.
2. Exercise regularly. 20 minutes per day, four days a week.
3. Medidate daily.

[Smurlene]

Well, school is back in session, and I hope that I can follow SB without a hitch. It is harder for me to do when I am teaching because of the long and weird hours. I have never taught at the same time everyday two semesters in a row. I am going to stay strong.

My strategies to combat school-related foulups: plan, plan, plan!

I know that I need to make sure that I have good SB foods in the house at all times, I must keep the dishes washed and ready to go, and I have to plan exactly what to eat each day.

[DivaDee]

wow incredible story smurlene!
you are obviously a person of incredible strength
also makes our "petty annoyances" seem so trivial
i have only been on it a week but it is sooo easy!
(other than the cooking lol)
but you have the right idea - PLAN
that is what is keeping me from straying
you can do it! congrats on the 13lbs!!

[LegalBeagle]

You are right - planning is 98% of this way of life.

If you eat on plan, exercise, and drink your water, you WILL lose weight and feel great!

Wishing you much success on the Beach!!!

[Smurlene]

Thanks for your encouragement!

I was concerned that the diet might be too expensive, but I have found that it is actually less than my old WOE and much less than Atkins. I am already starting to feel good even though it has only been four days.

I love these boards!

[Smurlene]

Known Trigger Foods
mashed potatoes
all breads
most wheat products
corn
Philadelphia cream cheese (surprise!!)
all candy
all artificial sweetners
pizza
pasta
bananas
pineapple
watermelon
onions
soda...all kinds

Known Intolerances
MSG
Asparteme
Splenda
Stevia
Peanut Butter (natural and commercial)

[vickil]

Welcome to the beach, Smurlene! You have really been through some tough times. You will be an inspiration for so many people who read your story. I believe that's what we're here for: to help each other. Not just here on this forum; here on earth!

Congrats on the 13 lb. What an awesome start! And you have already identified some trigger foods. That is a big accomplishment. You know what you have to avoid. Good analysis!

I'm glad you found us. This forum is so great. I've been posting and reading on here for *gulp* 2 years now; I've read many stories about people who have lost weight and gotten pregnant! So I think you're on the right track! I'm going to keep tabs on you, OK?

[Smurlene]

Oh, please do visit often and check up on me. I really need the support. I have found these boards to be the nicest online forum I have ever been part of. It is amazing!

I am hoping to get the positive pg test and have a safe and healthy pregnancy. I know that it is possible and that it will take awhile, but I have no choice but to believe that it is a possibility!

It is great to hear from someone who has been there before me.

Thanks so much for your post!

[Smurlene]

I just learned quite a bit!!!

First, I have a problem with peanut butter. Right after eating it, I immediately got a headache, pain in my eustachian tubes, and clogged sinuses! I have been staying away from peanuts lately because I had read that they can be very moldy and I am really allergic to mold and penicilin. So, no more pb for me. It tasted so good, too. All natural and delicious.

Second, I added brown rice today (1/2 cup), and I finished calculating my food for the day (I used www.fitday.com) and it turns out that what I ate today is very close to the zone! Yipee! I am not counting portions really, but keeping a food journal is absolutely necessary for my sucess. When I kept a food journal this summer, I usually ate too much fat or too many carbs, now things are just about right for the zone.

[Smurlene]

Brown rice makes me sleepy. An our after eating about a half a cup of long, grain, organic, slow cook brown rice, I really, really wanted a nap. I hope this isn't one of the foods I need to avoid!

Tomorrow night, we are having chicken w/ brown rice, beans, and tomatoes. I guess I will see what happens.

[Smurlene]

Day 6

Yes, I got sleepy again from the brown rice. I will finish off what I already cooked and try bringing it in my diet again next week or two weeks from now.

I had an interesting day today. I had a meeting downtown early this morning which through my schedule off, so my eating time was all mixed up today. But, I stuck with it.

Carbs today: 1 slice whole wheat toast, 1 cup of brown rice. So, I guess I had three servings of carbs. I am okay with that, but hope to avoid doing that again for awhile.

I now have a fitness buddy that I plan to share my journey with. (Shout out to D. You know who you are.) I hope that will be of even more help.

I never imagined how hard it would be to eat so many vegetables in one day, but it is really a challenge, and I love it. I have always like vegetables better than other foods. I remember my dad and brother eating big bowls of ice cream while I would be munching on a tasting green pepper straight out of the garden! I am going to grow pepper again this year. I am really looking forward to it.

[jumanah877]

Hi! Wow- your story is really inspirational. i wish you lots of luck- looks like your off to a great start. im also trying to lose weight before getting pregnant!

im sure if we stick to this WOE we can do it!

[twinmom Pamela]

//

[Smurlene]

Thanks, Ladies. I figure that I just have to try one more time and a different strategy before I head to the adoption agency. It has been a really long road, but the path has been worth it. I am glad that I was lucky enough to even have children and hold them, some women never even get that chance.

I have rejected IVF for a number of reasons: money, fear of failure, emotional toll. A friend of mine did it awhile back and was totally successful with it! I think the farthest we might go is IUI (interuterine insemination, for those of you who do not know).

I have written about my life quite a bit, and I hear everyday that I should write a book. If I thought that it would help others I would do it. At the same time, I try very hard not to dwell on those past events. I have had a hard time not letting them define me. You know, as the woman whose....baby was murdered, pre-mature baby died, father abused her, house burned down, etc. But, again, if I thought it would help others.....

On to the last day of my first week on SB. I haven't gone off of it once. I keep bobbing back and forth from P1 meals to P2 meals, but never anything beyond that.