Good morning Lauren! Thank you for stopping by! I am so excited to be one month in and so happy about it!
Okay, here goes, my hubby read my journal, and it was really quite nice. He was able to get my take on things and understand how I feel about this whole journey in a way he couldn't before. Then I realized that I wanted to talk out something that is bothering me but didn't want to hurt his feelings if he swings back by. So I ranted about it a bit in another discussion I am participating in, but didn't want to take the space up really talk it out. So honey, if you decided to read this, I am waving the white flag now!!!
I have hit a point in my life where the scale is nice, but not all encompassing. This is the first month that I have been on the beach, but untroubled by my extreme weight gain while on my cycle. That is saying something because I go up 5-10 pounds once a month, every month, for at least a week sometimes two. But is is okay. I am eating well and not cleaning the world's chocolate supply out. I am sort of exercising, I am a strange person, I throw up when I try to exercise during that time, always have since the first. But I do go for walks, only thing my body will handle. But back on subject, I like where I am right now.
Hubby is at a point in his life where the scale dictates how well he is doing. I am so proud of him for all of the progress he has made, but he isn't. The first week, he lost 8 pounds and in each of the following weeks he has lost 2-3 pounds for a total of 15 pounds in 4 weeks. That is an average of just about half a pound a day, go him! At least that is what I think. But he is weighing in the morning on day, then weighing in the evening on another after eating dinner and having a big glass of water, things like that, and getting rather upset about gaining weight back and he is convinced that he is in a stall as he has only, yes to him only, lost 7 pounds over the course of weeks 2-4. We have had talks about the scale weighing everything- you, your clothes, the glass of water you had 5 minutes ago- but it doesn't help for more than a few days.
I was and am happy that I suddenly realized that I am in a different place. Making vanilla cupcakes, it wasn't just about finding a diet friendly dessert. I am trying to replace as many rice based product as possible with a tasty substitute, a sustainable alternative to last a lifetime. But when he got home, it was an automatic question of regular or diet cupcakes? He was happy they were diet friendly, but he seemed to consider them diet food. It feels like he is just patting me on the head right, doing the smile and nod thing.
The only problem is, I am not. My dad had a 5 way bypass, he almost died, and according to his doctor, it was all genetics. Crappy genes that came from his father and his before that nearly killed him. My Celiac is genetic, guess where it came from? My grandfather on my father's side. I cannot afford to smile and nod and more than that, I don't want to. I want to be around for my great-grandbabies, not 6 feet under when my babies are just barely into adulthood.
I love my husband. He is my person and the only one for me. But right now, I don't know whether to growl and pull my hair out, hit the floor laughing, or just feel sad that he can't share this journey with me on the same level. Sorry, I am sulking and moping about on my journal today, bad, bad, bad. But this has been bothering me for several days. I have noticed more of a want for junk food to make it all better. But that solves nothing, nothing at all. I am better than that, worth more. So I am talking it out and finding a happy place for this. I can only hope that in the years down the road, while trucking along in P3, that the shift will happen for him along the way. We may not be starting the journey in the same place, but I want to end up on the same road with him. Okay, I feel lighter about that now. I think I have finally settled that in my mind to be able to let go instead of brooding. Sorry for a ho-hum start there, but on to happier things.
It was beautiful yesterday. So after school I took the kids and the dog on a 2 mile walk. For such a short walk it took about an hour. I am still leash training the dog. In her defense though, the kids dress her up in doll clothes and she patiently waits, sitting perfectly still as to not disturb the crown on her head, sometimes for a full hour. Just an awesome dog. She was a rescue and her previous family did not take her out and about, just had her cooped up in an apartment. At almost 50 pounds, she is a little big for an apartment. But it felt so good to be out in the sunshine and the warm breeze. Plus the furnace is off, has been for a little while now. No heaters running either. Can't wait to see the electric bill, should be so much better. Hopefully it will be low enough we can indulge in some extra veggies from the produce section. Some of the prices at the supermarket have been ridiculous. It is $2 per bell pepper right now!
I want to buy a few blueberry bushes. I planted strawberries last year, which survived the winter and sent off a few baby plants!! But some variety would be nice. My favorite traveling nursery is working on getting set up in town. So I will have to go and get tomato plants, sweet potatoes, and some summer squashes. It would probably be cheaper to buy seeds and do it that way, but I have this skill. I can plant 10 packets of seeds and not get a single plant out of the deal. Like I said, it is a skill!!
I am also about ready to head out to my grandmother's acreage. I have probably a full acre of weeds, brush, and fallen limbs to clear for her in the next few weeks. I am looking forward to it. Great exercise, lots of sunshine, and instant gratification when you finish clearing an area. Hopefully I can get started this weekend. And hopefully someone other than me will come out and tune up her mower, can't do it, don't get it. While I use an old-fashioned push mower for my yard, hers is just way too big for that. It takes 3 hours to mow her yard with a riding mower.
But, I can see the pale blush of the sun just starting to rise out my window. Quiet time is over. Time for the rush of getting ready for school. Today will be great, even better than yesterday.