I have decided to start a journal to hold myself accountable for my food choices. I have always been a healthy eater, but lack self control. I am also an emotional eater. The only time I was able to lose weight, and feel in control of my diet is when I discovered South Beach about 5 years ago. I lost about 10 pounds, and was happy with my body. Since then, I have allowed terrible new habits to sabatoge my efforts, and I am now back to where I started. I used to control myself when it came to eating starches, but since I became a vegetarian, I have overcompensated by eating too many grains. Ive been eating a ton of pasta, and bread, which has slowly piled on the pounds. Throw in a weekly binge on chips and alcohol when im feeling lonely and down, and all of my previous progress has been destroyed. I guess you can say I have an obsession with weight and diet and body image. Instead of that obsession working in my favor, it has caused a weight gain, along with a tremendous amount of self loathing and guilt. Since I was always a thin girl who took pride in her appearance, the struggle of weight has depressed me, since i am not all that certain as to how I got here. the depression caused by the weight gain, has caused me to turn to food for comfort, only compounding the problem. Im an intelligent girl, why would I contribute to the very reason why Im depressed? Thats just silly! I am turning 30 this year, and i decided as a birthday gift to myself, I am going to give myself my best body ever. Healthy, fit, and toned. Exercise is just as important to me as diet, since my fitness goals are aggressive. I have some obstacles in my way, as does everyone with a goal. For starters, my boyfriend is a heavy drinker. In turn, I became an avid wine drinker. I have began replacing my evening glass of red wine with organic decaf green tea. I will not let alcohol prevent me from obtaining my goals. I am determined, motivated, and sick of being uncomfortable in my own skin. I want to wake up happy, excited about my day, and feel fabulous in (and out of) my clothes. My weight gain has brough on insecurities that are beginning to affect my life. Im no longer comfortable with intimacy bc of my body , which is in turn affecting my relationship. I try to think of excuses to not go to certain events because I dont want people to know I have gained weight. Im sick of it. It stops now. We all have one chance at this life, and I am not going to let mine be ruined by food.
Height: 5'4" (Ok, more like 5'3.75")
Start Weight: ~133 lb. (January)
First Goal: 125 lb.
Second but Celebratory Goal Weight: 120lb.
Final Goal: 115 lb.