I am bleak. A gain this week. but more to the reasons why later........ i am a fraud for being here.... i am not on the prgramme now and need to get back on. This is edited and adapted email i sent to my brothers and best friend.... if it does not make sense to anyone reading, it will make sense to me when i read this back next year looking fab at 72kgs!!! Wondering how I got through this bad spell so triumphantly!!
On Thursday I got some bad news about an investment that brothers and I inherited after my mum died. It has at last (3 years later) been finalised. I went into a complete shock and therefore a feeding frenzy (
) , seriously though I was absolutely astonished/disappointed/angry when we got the news â€“ it is 30% less than I expectedâ€¦.. what made me so horrified was perhaps mum knew something we did not and we were too busy telling her she was mad (she had had a nervous breakdown and to be honest we did not deal with it very well at times.....), instead of listening to her? I , of course, being who I am that takes on guilt at the slightest opportunity, now feel so bad the way we shouted her down the whole time, when she really seemed worried about her investment... and maybe had good reason to. I know I should just wait to see what the lawyer says (he is also shocked) before I continue to accrue grey hairs and kilogrammes. i also just think omg â€“ the farm , now this, which I know is a small amount in comparison but is everyone going to just steal from us? Albeit the second one inadvertently â€“ or was it!?!?!?!? . I was feeling sorry for Gordon Brown but now I want to kick his ass. BIG time! So that is one of the issues.....
Today is a bit hectic as in the am we are going to look at a dog (a couple we know has offered us pick of the litter from a GSD â€“ as a gift!!!!) ( removed text as organising to see one brother....) . Then home for a bath (IF the water is back by then GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrr â€“ it went off again, it seems a weekend thing that we must live without water in our taps MAKES me MAD!) , then the kids have got a birthday party at the cousins in the afternoon. (removed text) . Tomorrow we are home, but both xx and I have exams next week (mine is on Monday â€“ the one you (my brother) helped me withâ€¦.. going ace that one!! LOL) But you could come for some tea actually because by then I know we will be bored with studying.
So some news of the family this weekâ€¦.. Monday (dh) contracted BD (beneficial disease where you can lose 5 kgs â€“ good (if you are me) , but you have to put up with fever and the worse tummy bug ever â€“ badâ€¦.) BAD â€“ (dd1) got it tooâ€¦â€¦ (nothing good about that â€“ not a BD, a DD â€“ disasterous disease). Monday I had to go and relief teach because Mrs xxxâ€™s husband got mauled by a buffalo in the valley â€“ he is a hunter , terrible, but what can I say, i hate hunting (!) . He is still in ICU , she is being incredibly brave inspite of them not operating immediately as Avenues Clinic had NO electricity and there generator was BUGGERED! I ask youâ€¦.. (dd2) got DD on Tuesday.. On top of all this we all have FLU!...... Thursday my day started off with a trip to dentist â€“ (dd1) did not want to even sit in chair. Cried would not open her mouth. However we have a lovely lady dentist who is so sweet and patient she negotiated her way into having a look!!! So that went fine and my teeth are also holding upâ€¦.. although I brush them too hard and have removed the enamel from the top onesâ€¦.. now this is the good part of the dayâ€¦.. the dentist out of the kindness of her heart decided she would not charge for the check ups and I only had to pay for my scale and polish. I burst into tears. I always think people only do kind things for us because of DH (my own poor self esteem) but maybe just maybe I also deserve nice things to happen to me sometimes. The reason we had put off the dentist was we had no money and I wanted to cancel again this month but knew I would just be a dreadful mother if I did not take xxxx for a check up as her teeth are so badâ€¦â€¦. Anyway, then I take her to school and the whole of grade one are having a hearing test (well not all but they really wanted us to do it) now it cost 15$ and I thought you know what at this stage of the month, Hannah has no hearing problems at all tht I have ever noticed, or any of her teachersâ€¦â€¦. So I said I do not think I will do it. Then on my way to the car I bumped into the headmistress and she was like oh I really think you should do it, it is cheap (ïŒ
for her!) and worthwhile. I saw her point but at the same time I knew it might not be accurate because of xxâ€™s flu. But I went with itâ€¦. To be told when I collected her at lunch time. I am sorry she is one of the few kids with a problem and it is URGENT. Get her to the ENT specialist. Hmmmm. There is an infection but I think there is another problem on top of that â€“ says the teacherâ€¦. (she herself was shocked because xxx is one of the brightest in her class and she def. did not suspect anything) Anyway, we spoke to the audiologist and she said we could see the doctor which thanks to the kindness of the dentist we had money for ($30 a visit to the doc!! Cash up front) so DH took xxx yesterday and she has to go on antibiotics. Actifed and ponstan. She has a bad middle ear infection which if left could cause damage to the eardrum and deafness. I feel so awful but the thing is xxx never once said mummy I have sore ears . so if my kids do not tell me my ears are sore then I will just let them go deaf â€“ WHAT kind of mother am i!!!!! Right I think that just about sums up the life and dramatic times of the xxxx this week. I am sure lots of good things happened too! LOL!!!
Oh no I put on weight..... I am now 2 kgs away from my 2nd mini goal (have six more to reach!!)