Tired of being Tired

[SharleyBloom]

Bump!

[happymo4]

Thank you Sharley for the "bump". I really needed that. I am so sorry I haven't been around lately. I am mortified because I have been horrible. I should be so thankful because my son is home from the hospital and doing well for him. I feel so unhealthy right now because literally for over the past 3 months I haven't slept for 3 hours in a row until the last 2 nights. For awhile there, I was lucky to be getting an hour. I was pretty miserable. It is not fair that my son, along with all of those precious little kids in the ICU should have deal with so much. They are so innocent and sweet. It was especially hard during the holiday season because they should have been home, waiting for Santa and going to Christmas parties. Sorry for venting. I have been getting a little more sleep, thank goodness but, when I do sleep, though, I feel guilty because I should be changing my son or checking his blood sugar or giving him a respiratory treatment. I am so tired and that makes me crave all of the wrong things. I also feel sorry for myself because I can't be social so I eat instead, which inhibits me even more from being social. Everyone says that I look good for being under so much stress but I really don't feel very good. I know that I need to be healthier and happier in order to take care of the kids. My husband says to let him get up but if I hear him, I want to get up. I keep thinking that the one time I don't get up, something will happen and I will feel so guilty. Once I take care of my son, I can't fall back to sleep because I worry about things. When he was in the hospital I was exhausted and having chest pains but that has gotten better due to a little more sleep. The pains are a sign that I need to be "good". I really have no choice. I felt like I couldn't breath because I couldn't imagine what the world would be like without my son but I also have such guilt because I am so tired and I don't see his health problems resolving anytime soon and it makes me angry. He is the one struggling to breath and in chronic pain and he is always doing his best to smile and play. It has been a really intense six years and I need to start living instead of holding my breath waiting to see what is going to happen to him. Again, I have to tell everyone that my son gets all of his nutrition through a tube and he is one of the happiest people that I know. Why can't I learn from him? He amazes me every single day and literally takes my breath away with the smallest accomplishments.
My New Year's resolution is to try again and at least get through phase 1 for 14 days. Once I get through it, I know that I can do phase 2. I really need to complete it this time. I know that I will feel less tired and stressed if I cut out the sugar. If I can get the extra weight off, I can wake up a little happier each day and have more energy for the kids and my husband. I turn 40 on March 17 and I really want to feel good and to go out dancing with a cute shirt and new jeans so I need to change starting right now. I keep thinking that I will really "start" when I whatever stressful event I am experiencing is over but, there is always going to be a stressful event, especially with 4 kids, one with special needs. I am drinking a pepsi now and going to savor it and say that it is my last one for at least the next 14 days. It really doesn't even taste good to me. I just think for some reason it is going to make me feel good but I am kidding myself. I can't wait to feel good and be forty.

Thank you to all of those that keep doing so well and that stay so strong. You all are so motivating. I want to be there one day!
Maureen

Ugghhhh! I needed to change my starting weight.

[SharleyBloom]

(picks up her hand and begins walking) Come on, let's go! Nothing's changed. It's still about the very next bite.


PS, there are support groups for caregivers. Find one in your area. It may change your life.

[Beaching It]

Maureen, you are an amazing caring mommy and I feel for you with everything you are dealing with every single day. I truly believe that if you are able to get through 2 weeks of P1 and get rid of the sugar (including that yucky pepsi), you will feel like you have a sense of 'control' over your life and it will snowball. If you can possibly let DH do more so that you can get sleep, that will help too. Just know that we're here for you, routing for you and hoping only the best for you this year!

Lisa

[happymo4]

Thank you so much girls! I am nervous but excited to start again tomorrow. I feel different this time and I know that I can do it. Been cleaning all day and made chili for tomorrow. You both are so motivating! My husband is very supportive and willing to help, I just have to let him. Here is to a new beginning!
Maureen

[happymo4]

I am feeling positive today. Had some chili for breakfast. I know it sounds weird but I really was really hungry and it totally satisfied me. Going to do laundry then try to do the treadmill. I really feel motivated today despite not getting much sleep. I know this week is going to be tough but I really want to change. I think I read this quote from someone on this forum and I love it. "There will be no change if there is no change." It is so true. Hope everyone has a peaceful and successful day!
Maureen

[Beaching It]

Hi Maureen, I'm so happy to hear you're feeling good and different this time! That's great! Another quote I like is 'if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got'... along the same theme as your 'change' quote. I also like to think of this as one day at a time and who care how long it takes to get to whatever goal we are trying to reach?? As long as we're eating healthy and treating our bodies well, then we're getting healthy right? I'll check in with you tomorrow.

[happymo4]

Thank you Beaching it! The quotes are sooo true. I have to admit that I am not being perfect, I am weaning off of the soda and my goal is to not need it on Monday. I have concentrated on working out and not having bread, pasta, rice, crackers, etc. I am also drinking a lot of water and green tea. I already feel better just cutting out the other stuff and will feel so much better when the soda is gone too. I am also working on trying to get help with my son. We have a local nursing school and I am going to see if any students might want some part-time work. I can train them and it will be a great learning experience for them. Hopefully we find the right person. I know that one of the reasons that I have gained and I am not happy, is the lack of socialization. Who cares what you look like when you really can't go out? I was making myself happy with my soda and takeout. When you don't sleep, you don't have the energy to cook, so it is easy just to call for food. Usually the food is not the healthiest either. I have so many bad habits to break that I got used to while we were in crisis and survival mode. I need to change my way of thinking too, this is our life and we have to reestablish our patterns. I am going to try to plan date nights and make myself go no matter how I feel because when I go out, I want to look good and feel healthy. That makes it so much easier to make the right decisions during the week. I am also just about finished getting my nursing license reinstated so I might start looking for a part-time job for socialization. I miss my old self and can't wait to get myself back. You seem to have totally found the real you, Lisa. That is so awesome. I have been decluttering and just found an old mix tape that my roomates and I used to listen to before we went out in college. Totally brings back memories of laughing and just plain fun. Going to listen to it while I am cleaning since I just found a radio that still has a cassette player in the basement. Nothing like music therapy! My husband is taking the afternoon off so that we can try to go for a run or a long walk on the beach if it is not windy. Have a great day all!
Maureen
I also got a cheap pedometer and I hope it works. Going to try to do 10,000 steps a day!

[SharleyBloom]

OoooooOOOO Sounds like you have some really valid plans! Good for you! Taking care of yourself is high, high, high on the list! Have a beachy day!

[happymo4]

Yes, I am trying really hard to set some little goals and to get through each day to make it a little better than the one before. Am planning to do phase 1 tomorrow since I have been weaning myself already. I have a nurse for my son today which is a rare thing on a Sunday so my husband and I are having a "date" lunch and will be watching football. I am going to try to do well because this situation could be pretty challenging. I am already thinking how fun it would be to have nachos and a beer. Hopefully I can be strong. I am trying to decide if I am going to weigh myself tomorrow or wait a week. I already feel a little less bloated but I get so mental when it come to the scale. Since I am feeling positive, I might wait until next week. Going to try to plan my meals today so that I have no excuses. Looking forward to tomorrow!

[Beaching It]

DH and I used to run all the time together and I loved that! Now, a few years and 2 kids later, not so much. Plus he had bad knees now and I've become a gym class freak! I hear you on all the bad habits we need to break. Sometimes too many, so even if we break just one at a time, then that's an accomplishment! Hope you had a great weekend and a nice date with DH.

[happymo4]

Thank you Lisa! Had a great Sunday. Had a 2 hour lunch date with my husband and ran into a group of friends that always meet for Sunday football. It was so refreshing to just be with adults and made me realize that it is still fun to be social and I miss it so much. I think that getting out is going to make me stronger when it comes to making good choices. I also feel like I have a little more energy in the evenings. I do seem to be having hot flashes at times where I actually have to take my sweatshirt off and I feel sweaty. Don't know if it is my sugar or because I am turning 40 soon! Overall, I do feel better. I haven't weighed but I don't feel as bulky in my clothes. I made the most delicious pork roast in the crockpot on Monday and had it with green beans. It was soooo good and the leftover pork is the best for lunch too. Keeps me satisfied. going to make some lentil soup with spinach today. It was 50 degrees yesterday and it felt like spring so I went for an hour walk/run then did a home pilates machine for an hour while I watched The Biggest Loser. My mother in law gave us money for Christmas and the pilates machine was on sale and free delivery from QVC on New Years so we ordered it. It is a nice, relaxing workout but you do work up a sweat. Thank you everyone for motivating me and keeping me from giving up! have a wonderful day everyone!

[Beaching It]

What a great post! So happy to hear you enjoyed your time out and you're doing so well on the beach! Yay!!! I've read on here that people sometimes get hot flashes when changing what they eat. I don't think that happened to me but it might have. 40 is too young for hot flashes... I'm turning 40 in August and I think we still have a ways to go yet. Keep up the great work and keep posting.

[happymo4]

I am so proud of myself! My husband had a canceled appointment and called to see if I wanted to go out to lunch which was so sweet but I know that I would have been really tempted to cheat so he came home instead. I was ready to make an excuse for myself and say it was allowed because it doesn't happen very much that we get to go out. I really feel like I am changing. I am really thinking before I make a choice and I thought how I would feel if I was really full and guilty and I don't want to feel that way anymore. He came home and we had my awesome homemade soup from yesterday which was even better today. He said he was talking about my soup at work! Can't believe I got him and the girls to eat it! My whole family is going to be healthier! I think my husband has lost weight just because of the way I have been cooking. I am really tired but I am going to take a walk after I switch the laundry. Oh, I am still not weighing but my body feels better. My husband definitely said he noticed when he came in the door last night and I was standing by the stove. Don't know if it really is changing or is it the fact that I feel so much happier. Everyone have a great day!

[Beaching It]

That's great! I'm so happy you're feeling so happy. Keep making those great choices and thinking things through. Soon it will become really natural.