Play-doh's Journal

[play-doh]

I had a nice surprise from the scale this morning. I find the number hard to believe, but the truth is, I do feel slim. My pants are saggy. They're even dragging the ground.

I did not do my workout yesterday. Boo. I will do it today, no exceptions!

I've never done this before, but I'm going to write out everything I ate yesterday. It was a fairly typical day. A day when I'm being "good" that is.

6:30 - coffee, black

7:30 - scrambled egg, small piece of turkey ham, sprinkling of low-fat cheese (high in protein, but it works for me) 2T salsa.

10:30 - handful of roasted, unsalted almonds

1:00 - low-carb tortilla with chicken breast, drizzle salad dressing, a cup of spring greens and spinach, sprinkling of l-f cheese, 1/4 granny apple.

6:00 - baked chicken breast, two whole roasted zucchinis, a cup of steamed cauliflower with ICBINB.

7:00 no sugar added fudgsicle.

Today's weight: 136.2

[play-doh]

I feel like I'm starting from ground zero with the treadmill. I took a full ten days off due to my sore throat and, since getting better, I've had two workouts and they both were awful. I shortened my time and slightly lowered the speed, but I was still so ready to hop off when it was over.

I hope that by next week I'll be back up to my regular one hour workout.

Anyway, if today's weigh-in is any indication, I do believe I will be able to get down to 133 by October 1. I also won't kick myself if I don't. I think the closer I get to 130, the harder and slower it's going to be. That's okay.

Today's weight: 136.0

[play-doh]

I've lost about 12 pounds since starting SBD in mid-April and I'm about 10 pounds away from my goal weight. I would like to see myself at about 125- 128.

My clothes are loose and comfortable and I'm seeing some definition and contours in my body.

BUT I'm not there yet. I have not reached my goal. Another ten pounds off my body will look slim and healthy on me.

However, what I'm discovering is that as I get closer to my goal weight, I sort of freak out and then sabotage my eating plan. It's like there's something in me that doesn't want to reach my goal! Why? It makes no sense to me.

I would love to keep dropping the pounds at a rate of half a pound each week, as I have been, but for some reason I keep falling into an I-don't-care mode on enough occasions that I stall my loss.

I wonder if this happens to other people. Am I afraid of reaching my goal? How do I make myself care and regain the enthusiasm I had at the beginning?

Today's weight: 136.8

[play-doh]

I had an I-don't-care-about-what-I-eat weekend. Sheesh! Someone needs to smack me and get me back on track. Seriously, what is this about?

Did I love the journey from 148 to 136 so much that I want to start over and do it again from the beginning? (No!!)

Is it really THAT much easier to go back to the old ways of eating rather than have to plan it out? (No!!)

Am I considering myself done with the whole SBD? (No!!)

Okay then. That's three no's. Looks like I'm still in the plan. I haven't thrown it out the window.

So, off to the treadmill I go - RIGHT NOW! - and off to the grocery later this afternoon to get more veggies and lean meats.

[play-doh]

Well, at least I'm not saying, "What the heck, I'm totally off the SBD course, so I might as well blow it off completely." I haven't been on a major binge.

Here's a typical mess up. Yesterday, I did fine all day: lean meats, veggies, nuts... then we went out for Thai food. I had panang and white rice. My stomach growled all night and I even woke up with that awful so-not-SBD-hunger. It's purely a stomach-wants-to-be-filled-but-will-never-be-satisfied hunger.

I know I've gained some pounds back, but I haven't been on the scale, so I don't know how much.

It's just so frustrating that I was getting so close to my goal, all was going smoothly and easily, even if a little slowly, then suddenly all good eating came to a crashing halt. I hate feeling hungry and grumbly all the time, and so full of cravings, yet that's how I feel when I'm not on SBD. That alone should be enough incentive to get back on track.

Maybe writing in this journal every day will help.

I need to care again. I need to keep at least a part of myself focused on my eating plan because if I continue to let work take over my entire being, then I'll be so regretful later that I let my weight go back up.

Plus, I hear a lot of stories about people gaining all their weight back, plus more! I can NOT let that happen! Especially not right before the holidays!

[play-doh]

I am not giving up.

I am not giving up.

I am not giving up.

That's what makes this round of SBD different from the other times I've tried to lose weight. I want this WOE to be a permanent part of me, not just a diet to get a job done.

I'm almost back on track. I ate veggies for all three meals yesterday, with lean meat or eggs. I spent 45 minutes on the treadmill and I drank lots of water. In the evening, however, I had two glasses of wine. I'll work on that. Maybe, just one glass tonight?

Today I'm off to a good start as well, having a breakfast of scrambled eggs and zucchini. My lunch will be a big green salad with sauted chicken.

I know I had set a goal of 135 by November 1, and since I'm avoiding the scale and don't know what I weigh, I'm hoping for 138. So what if this whole month ends up being a wash? As long as I haven't gained I'll feel okay.

Sometimes, the goal might have to be to stay the same.

[play-doh]

Something very not SBD friendly is calling me from my cupboard right now. I'd describe what it is, but I think it'll only make the "thing's" voice louder. I don't want to say the name of this awful Thing.

I blew it yesterday... again. I took my daughter out for some (other) Thing special and I knew even before we got to the Thing place, I was going to have one too. All the way to the Thing place I was happy and giddy just thinking of the joy I'd have while eating this Thing. And, yes, I did enjoy it.

What the heck is wrong with me? It's like I've got a switch and when it's on, I care about not gaining weight and then the switch goes off and I don't care at all.

The whole sequence could end like an awful nightmare where the switch goes off for a few months and I carry on happily in a world of junk food, then one day, I'll be licking the icing off the bottom of an empty donut box, and suddenly, the switch goes on again and I CARE!!!!

What then?

Wouldn't it be great if we just didn't care, ever? But it doesn't work that way. I want to get my weight back down to where it was a few years ago, before I started my current job. I have this really cute pair of capris that I'd love to wear again.

But you know, it's not even just about the number on the scale and the way I'll look. It's also SO MUCH about feeling better. When I'm heavier I'm blobby and lethargic. That I-don't-care switch affects everything else.

Okay. So here we are. It's time for lunch. I still hear Thing in the cupboard, but its voice is muffled now. I've already prepared some veggies to add to some spring salad and there's some Canadian bacon to have with it. I'll feel good after I eat it.

Here I go.

[play-doh]

Hooray! The board is back up! I had given up on this journal and had moved to writing everything on paper, but it just wasn't as fun.

I'm so happy to be back!

I had a great Thanksgiving and ate well throughout the holiday. I also went on long runs everyday - we were on the beach, literally! - and covered a good 4.5 miles every day for about 5 days straight.

When we returned home from the beach, I started a new job.
I don't hate my new job, but freelancing from home, which was what I'd been doing for the past two years, was awesome. I loved having my own schedule and easy access to good food when I wanted it. But working out of the house, being with other really cool folks, and having to follow a tight schedule, isn't too bad. It'll just take time to get used to it.

I didn't eat well last week, and exercise didn't happen either. I could be on a slippery slope here. But before I start kicking myself about some weight I might've put on in the past week, I've decided to ease back into the whole full-time job thing. I'm not going to worry about fitting exercise in right now, but today I prepared a big veggie stew to bring to work for my lunches.

I will do my best to eat well next week. AND I'll say NO to all the sweets my co-workers bring in.

I don't think this is going to be easy.

[play-doh]

The day after Christmas... and I don't want to go near a scale. But who would today?

I'm not going to fall into the frame of mind that says eat all I want until New Year's because I could probably add several pounds in those six days. I'm not going to start SBD at this moment either. But just play it wisely, don't overeat. The past month has been tough and I've not eaten well, so I look forward to getting back on the beach, phase 1, on January 1st.

Meanwhile, I'm really enjoying grapefruit!

[play-doh]

I'm trying so hard not to hate myself. After all, what good would that do?

I haven't been near the scale since before Christmas and I imagine I've gained back ALL of the eleven pounds I lost between the months of April and November. It took me eight months to lose it and yet it all came back in about eight weeks.

I started a full time teaching job in mid-December, which I love, but my whole exercise and food preparation routine came to a crashing halt. I'm still working at my writing - I've been trying to sell my second novel while writing my third - which means getting up at 6:00am and sometimes staying up late to work. Plus I'm raising two kids, PLUS my husband has been working so hard at his job we hardly see him. In fact, he'll be out of town all next week!

Okay, there's my excuses for why I don't have time to take care of myself the way I was before I started working full time.

But, here's what I CAN do.

Maybe I don't have time to exercise much right now and that part of my routine will be put off until summer vacation. I will accept that. But I can still eat well, right? Sugar, which has become a regular part of my diet these days, can be eliminated completely again, right? I can make salads and soups and sandwich wraps to take to work, right?

So, there we have it. I'm going to get back on the beach. If not in the water, at least on the sand.

I am going to start making changes right now.

[play-doh]

I'm making steps in the right direction. Eggs with salsa for breakfast, ham and cheese on half a ww bagel for lunch, and lentil chili with grilled chicken for dinner.
I was offered some chocolate and I said no. Plus we have cake in the house and I'm steering clear.

Not a great day, I know that. I need to stock the fridge with veggies. I was looking at my past journal posts and admiring my eating habits. I can get there again. I will get there.

Hopefully I'll make it to the grocery tomorrow so I can stock up on good foods and properly begin Phase One.

[play-doh]

I find that the greatest challenge to this WOE, is that I have to be fully prepared. The fridge has to be stocked and some meals prepared in advance. Especially given that I have virtually NO time these days. So I have to think a day in advance what I'll be having for my meals and what I'll be taking to work for my lunch.

Here's what I ate today:

B - 2 eggs, scrambled with half a zucchini, and a light sprinkling of low fat cheese

S - SB bar (Not a good choice, I know. I should have had some nuts and a cheese stick handy instead, but I didn't. Next time...)

L - 1 C. mashed cauliflower, sliced ham, 2 t. ICBINB, sprinkling of lf cheese

D - 2 spinach and egg quiche cups, baked Brussels sprouts with garlic and a drizzle of olive oil.
half glass white wine.

[play-doh]

I stepped on the scale three times to make sure it wasn't lying to me. It says I weigh 140.

I am pleased that I didn't gain back all the 13 pounds I began losing in April. I weighed 148 when I started SBD last year and I feel like I'm starting over right now. But at least I am not starting in the same place I did last year.

The weight came off slowly and it was coming back slowly. I'm so glad I'm nipping it in the bud now rather than waiting until I had even more to lose. Seeing 140 on the scale this morning was encouraging.

I look back at the past nine weeks that I've been off the beach and I think, "wow, my eating could've taken a much more serious turn for the worse." At work, there's junk food everywhere. Donuts, chocolates, McDonalds, etc., and when these are offered to me, I have consistently been able to say "No thank you." I knew that if I said yes once I'd start a really bad habit. Since the job started I bring my own lunch - usually a ham sandwich on ww bread, but I'm switching it to a homemade chef salad - and some other SBD habits seem to have become permanent.

So, yes, it's a bummer that I didn't keep going on SBD after my job started. I could probably have gotten to 130 by now, instead of 140, but it's useless to kick myself for blowing it. I'm back now. That's what counts.

Onwards and upwards!

Today's weight: 140

[play-doh]

I had a really good day today. Not perfect, but good.

B- two egg quiches, one spinach, one red pepper and lf chedder cheese
saur kraut (it has no sugar, just cabbage and salt)

L - Cauliflower, cheese, ham, ICBINB
6 pecans
SB bar

S - 1/2 can salmon with dill and T light mayo

D - Big plate of salad greens, chicken breast sauteed in onions, red pepper, shitake salad dressing (I think there was too much fat in this meal...)

[smellyflowers]

Hi Play, I found you looking to find my old journal that I started months ago and never finished. Well, I'm back to finish. Or in other words...starting over...again. It helps to know I'm not the only one. So, I'm at 129...still! I just starting running. Okay, only on Sundays but I started. I find it so hard to do it during the week. I did work out 4x last week though. Two days of yoga. Have you tried it? It feels amazing. Just started Phase one today, after months of sugar overload. My goal...no sugar -added crap until Easter. I love Easter candy (it's my fav) so on Easter Day only will I have some. Just thought I'd say way to go on not giving up. I'm right here with ya. Now, if I could just find my old journal. Have a great day. Smelly