I'm in a tailspin and need help!

[DebbyC]

STRESS is killing me, first IBS and the GERD, then for the past 2 weeks I had chest pain pretty bad, waited 10 days to go to the doctor, who did labs and a stress test and said it was normal. After that I've not had chest pain [does that not clarify the stress relatednes!!!!].

Anyway, I can't get back on track and here's part of the reason/part of the excuse....the stress of not doing it "right" makes me crazy. Not to mention that half the veggies I love irritate my gut and having meal size salad more than 3-4 times a week aggravates it as well....I get the feeling that if I can't do it right, I might as well not do it at all - then THAT makes me stress about losing control.

Xanax helps - but you can't take xanax and live and work and drive [well some people do, but we won't get on THAT particular soap box!!!]

So this is as much a health/medical issue as it is a mental issue. Anyone have any suggestions? I know, I need to cook more and I've been trying to do that...but a lot of days I work until 6:30/7, then a long drive home, then try to cook something healthy in a few minutes cause I'm starved - which doesn't leave me time for the gym and now that I"ve got clearance to start a slowly progressive walking program I really want/need to get that in as well.

I know lots of people work 2 jobs - heck, I practically was [15-20 hours overtime] until this stress hit me and I had to stop - I really shouldn't even be working the overtime that I do, but the deadlines must be met.

I have an 18 yr old son living with me - thank goodness I'm not married or involved because I just could not take anyone else's 'stuff' on top of where I am.

So, after my novel, thanks if you've made it this far..........do I give myself permission to stay as close to SBD as possible, even if I'm not hitting perfection and concentrate on that and getting some exercise? If I give up either one completely, I'm going to balloon and that's not going to help either.

[Pbelley]

Hey Debby. You do have a lot of stress in your life, but would being more unhealthy in your diet or exercise reduce your stress level?
For me finding the time to exercise is very difficult. I get up a little early & take a walk. When I get home in the evening do some more exercise or take a swim. This really does relax me & this helps my stress level.
As for eating make a plan. I do the prep work & have my snacks & lunches prepared for the week & just grab & go. this helps with stress & eating the wrong types of foods. For dinners I use the Crock Pot a lot! check out the tread on "SBD food & Recipes". I always make double dinners so I have leftovers & can just heat & eat. When I come home STARVED I drink a cup of milk & this holds me until I can fix dinner.
We can only do our best & as far as I am concerned this is the best I can do. If I mess up no one will kill me & eat me so thats a good thing.
Try & relax & enjoy yourself.
Good luck.

[Pixie!]

Debby:
I definitely understand. I have a very stressful 60-hr plus a week job myself. I ended up in the docs office in the beginning of May with palpitations and shortness of breath. I too have GERD (which remarkably is getting better now), and all from stress. That is what it took for me to figure out that I had to take care of myself, #1, because I could not do any of the rest of it otherwise. I was shocked to see how much I weighed. Probably at least 15-20 pounds more than I thought. I was sort of kidding myself that I'd put on 20, when it was more like 40.
So I started to eat healthier and exercise more on May 1. Not SBD, just sort of generically better. I lost about 7 pounds, but then when we moved to a new house in the end of May, I was off-track for June and some of July, so I gained back a few pounds, but overall was healthier and less stressed, so that was good. About the middle of July I started SBD, because I felt more ready to handle a more systemic change (and we were also not living out of boxes anymore). I also gave a lot of thought to the fact that I am an example to my fiancee's 10 year old daughter, who was with us for the summer and who is beginning to get a bit chubby (her mom honestly doesn't exercise and the food is very processed in their house, so I really wanted her to see something different rather than just hearing about it).
It was hard at first, especially, because it was something new and different and it took thought and effort. I will tell you, though, that it has gotten much easier. NO doubt P1 is very hard and you think mostly about what you are eating for that and for the first couple of weeks of P2. Additionally, I really think that it takes three months to create or change a habit, so in retrospect I see the last 12 weeks as being just that. I've lost 17.5 pounds too, but more importantly this is getting much more like second nature. I don't have a "finish line" in my mind when I can go eat a banana split every night and forget it all; I'm happy eating this way. Now I will say, I'm not perfect. Probably one out of every three or four days I don't eat enough vegetables. Probably once every week to two weeks I have something made with white flour, or a little fattier than I know is optimal. But I am in a place that I can stay. It's been a month at least since I've thought about "what am I adding next week" or anything like that. And interestingly, I'm growing less tempted to break out of it in some way, because I'm just getting used to it.
There are some things that work particularly well for me, but the biggest thing is that I am more apt to think of eating healthy as something that will make me feel better, not that eating a treat will do it. I had really tough hearings this week and I drank cups and cups of green tea and every time I did it, I was thinking about how it was helping my body stay healthy. I keep my vitamins/supplements in the office because I'll remember to take them there.
Another thing that has helped me is to sit down and make a list of the things I really like that are SBD friendly. It's easy to default to an old bad choice when you are exhausted and don't have the time or energy to think. Some of the central things for me are greek yogurt (sometimes with fruit and frequently with nuts), baby spinach salad with a protein, vegetables and a little goat cheese or blue cheese, cold "burritos" with a whole wheat tortilla, hummus, vegetables and shredded lowfat cheddar cheese, and "real" oatmeal (sometimes with fruit or nuts). Only the oatmeal requires actual cooking, and I think I am going to start making a five bowl batch on Sunday nights and putting it in the fridge in little Tupperwares. I don't think I could live on these as a daily plan, but they are all good options when there's no preplanning. Then I started looking at the recipe threads and just picking a few things to try, and adding to the list. I was overly dependent on cheese as a protein in the beginning, and I've gotten out of that. It takes some trying things out.
I am very lucky in that I have good options for lunch right next door to work. Custom salad place with shrimp/chicken/etc, and also there is a PF Changs, which is sort of fresh Chinese and you can get brown rice.
I keep track of what I eat in Fitday, though that's not for everyone.
I think the single biggest thing is that I think of taking care of myself as both an investment (because it allows me to get more done at the end of the day) and an indulgence -- because it's really the one thing I do for myself (as opposed to thinking of it as a punishment for past sins). I think that almost everyone who is heavier than they should be/want to be has to outsmart themselves about it once and for all, and then it falls into place.
I know this is a really long post, but I hope it helps you feel less stressed and alone about it:)

[DebbyC]

thanks for the response. I have to find better ways to take care of myself - most of it is diet - and by diet I don't mean 'just' SBD - but making better choices overall. I've committed to hit Costco as soon as my paycheck hits the bank and start back on plan - taking my lunches to work everyday because eating out is too expensive and it's too easy to grab the bad stuff. Pixie - thanks for the ideas about food as well. I find myself getting bored when I don't put any effort into it and as a long time foodie - that's a very weird place for me to be.
I'll probably take up in phase 2 where I left off with only 1 starch/1 fruit - I never really got beyond that routinely and stay a week or so before adding anything else....I don't really have 'cravings' just bad choices out of feeling rushed or going too long without healthy snacks, another key for me - if I don't have a late afternoon snack, by the time I get home I'm shaky and nauseated. You'd think by this age, I'd have figured it out and be doing it right!!!
I had already started making dinner for myself and my son and it really has been mostly SBD .....but our schedules get crossed up and I REALLY need to go to the gym on my way home from work at least 3 days a week starting this week We'll just have to eat later/lighter or he can take care of himself [18, so he's perfectly capable!!!] I have sleep issues so I know I'm not going to get up earlier, now anyway, besides - after sitting at my desk all day, it feels good to stretch and walk and listen to positive music - I've found that praise/worship music is great for getting my rhythm, getting my speed up, making me feel better.
Another thing I'm doing is getting into a knitting group at work, and I've been invited to join a local group that one of my co-worker's knits with - it's as much social as artsy and I need that so badly. I've talked to a few people lately and it seems like so many people are just overwhelmed by stress - finances are not good for most of us average people and job security in a lot of fields just isn't there...so there's this underlying stress to do more and do it better and do it all with less.
The good news is - that after the panicky last two weeks, I've settled into a more comfortable place and am learning to say no and to get up and move away from my desk when things get crazy.