Play-doh's Journal

[play-doh]

I almost quit SBD yesterday. I got fed up with saying NO every time someone offers me a treat and I got fed up with the scale saying I've only lost six pounds since April.

I think it would be fair if the SBD gods let me lose a quarter of a pound for every time I say "no" when, before Apriil, I would have said "yes." I'd have lost a lot of weight by now if it worked that way.

So, like I said, I almost quit because I became unhappy with how slow this is going. But when I asked myself what would happen if I went back to my regular eating patterns, the answer was that I'd gain back the six pounds I've lost and then, over a year, I'd probably gain a lot more.

Then I thought, Okay, so after you gain all that weight what would you do?

I answered myself: I'd probably start the South Beach Diet again.

So, heck, why not just keep going forward from where I am now?

And there you have it. ONWARD!

[muffintop]

Good for you for sticking with it. Your reasoning is correct. As frustrating as this can be, the alternative is gaining weight. Good luck!

[play-doh]

Thanks, Muffintop.

I think it's official. I'm committed to this way of eating.

[play-doh]

We had company in town for the Fourth and I drank two beers at the fireworks show. Oops.

The next night we had a barbecue and although my eating was great, I said NO to everything sugary and starchy, I still had two glasses of wine. Oops again.

Yesterday we walked to the movie theater, a mile and a half, and in the middle of the show, I was suddenly starved. But all we had stashed to eat was pizza and Pirate Booty. I passed on both and thought I'd collapse with hunger on the walk home.

Gotta remember to pack SBD food, darnit!

As soon as we walked in the door I scarfed down some almonds and felt pretty good. We got an invitation to an Indian restaurant and on the drive over I decided I'd go ahead and splurge, especially since I was hungry. BUT I ordered the grilled veggie platter instead. And I skipped dessert.

So, yes, there were some errors in my eating, but all the times I said NO made up for it. This morning I got on the scale and saw this:

140.8

If I don't have any wine or beer for a week - which shouldn't be too hard now that the holiday is over - I bet I can drop another pound.

So, here's a challenge for me: I challenge myself to no alcohol for a week and see if I can break the 140 mark.

[play-doh]

It's been two weeks since I've posted and mostly I'm doing okay. Not good, just okay. I think my biggest problem is too much sitting, not enough moving around.

Work has been stressful as we wait for either VERY good news, or very bad news. I had thought we'd have gotten our feedback last week and we didn't. In the meantime, as I wait wait wait wait, I'm not sleeping much. I have weird dreams most of the night and then wake up around midnight and stay awake for 3 or 4 hours. Mostly, I'm optimistic that the news will be good. But... there's no way of knowing.

Suffice it to say, I'm going a bit wacko.

My weight was hanging in there right around 141 - 142, but, like I said, until I get myself moving around, I can't imagine it's going to start heading downward.

Then, night before last, some friends took me out for my b-day. I had a fabulous fish fillet with veggies on the side. Two little bites of gelatto for dessert. The bad part was that I was STUFFED - I overate.

The next day, my family bought me a very special cake and made me pizza. I said yes to everything they offered. How could I not? I mean, if I had a serious weight problem, then I'd tell them thanks, and explain that I can't partake. But, since my weight "problem" is mostly a vanity thing and a prevention situation, I couldn't disappoint them. The cake was fabulous, but I must say, I felt sick after one piece. Then, later, I craved more.

Today, I'm just queasy. And I feel like I want to eat something to get rid of the shaky, queasy, hunger. Like I've been on a roller coaster. Blecccch.

[muffintop]

Happy Birthday!!! I am stalled too. Hope all is well with you and yours.

[play-doh]

Thanks for the birthday wishes, Muffintop!

Well, it's been a super rough week. The feedback on my work was negative. Bad. Heartbreaking. I was told on Wednesday morning and as soon as I was able to, I cried a bit. Then the whole rest of the day I had a huge lump of sadness in my gut.

A couple hours after I got the bad news, I realized how hungry I was. I thought to myself, "Man, if anyone deserves a pig out it's me, on this day."

There was a small piece of chocolate cake left from my birthday. I pulled the top layer off and ate it, thinking this was just the beginning of a grand comfort binge.

But then, as I finished that top piece of the cake and began to reach for more, I thought about it. How awful I'd feel if I kept going and ate more and more junk food. I imagined myself in the evening, feeling full and ill, and still unhappy with my work situation. I didn't imagine myself comforted at all.

So, I made myself a big salad with grilled chicken and tons of veggies.

I'm not giving up on my work project, by the way. I'm going to keep trying to improve it until the right person says, "Yes! I love this!."

Meanwhile, I am so, so glad that I didn't give myself more work to do by overeating and gaining weight. I am so glad!

Still stalled at 141. That's okay.

[play-doh]

Darnit! I was doing so well, resisting temptation during hard times. Then yesterday, for no real reason other than an initial thought of "Oh, what the heck," I ate half of a big bag of Pirate's Booty.

I feel awful today - bloated and full of cravings. And I just know it'll show on the scale.

I'm off to the grocery now to buy veggies and lean meats. I want salad fixins galore, a big pot of low fat chilli, and veggie bean soup. I want all that good stuff at my fingertips for the next few days.

Oh, and I have a 45 minute walk scheduled for later today!!

Before I sign off, let me just say, I love writing in this journal. It helps so much to keep me on track and to push me through the downfalls. I need to be able to give myself a good pep talk. Already, after writing this today, I feel motivated.

[play-doh]

Just wanted to mark this moment with a little post.

Today, instead of doing a 45 minute walk like I'd planned, I did a 20 minute workout on an eliptical at the gym. Just GOING to the gym is worth posting about. A big deal for me!

I have to say, it was deadly boring even though it was only 20 minutes. I wish I had one at home so I could watch something good on TV. Instead, I tried to look at a People magazine, but it's not like I could read the words. I'll have to download some book CDs onto my MP3 player and listen to them while I exercise.

Never having tried an eliptical, I wasn't sure what to expect. It didn't feel like a hard workout and I think I could have gone a lot longer, I was worried I'd be really sore or hurt something. Maybe I'll give it another whirl tomorrow!

[muffintop]

Congratulations on going to the gym! Well done on avoiding a binge. You are doing better than you realize.

[play-doh]

Thanks for the words of encouragement, Muffintop.

I'm tired of the stall, though. I'm so ready to, as you said in your recent post, "get the flab off already!" The two big mistakes I see myself making regularly are that I drink at least one glass of red wine almost every night, and sometimes I'll have two. I think to have about four glasses a week is fine, but more is going to slow me down.

The second mistake, as I keep saying, is not exercising enough.

So, here's a little challenge I have set up for myself:
In two weeks we're taking the kids on a three day mountain biking trip. We've done it before and it's very fun. How about if between now and then I cut wine completely out of my diet and I do some kind of exercise that would be roughly the equivalent of a three mile walk, and see if that doesn't break my stall.

So, my goal would be to weigh 139 (or less!) by Monday, Aug. 18.

Today I am 141.

[play-doh]

A GREAT day!!! Perfect eating, lots of water, a three mile walk, and no wine!

Today, I made a big decision on something I've been thinking about for a long, long time. I'm buying a treadmill. I found a screamin' deal at an exercise equipment warehouse and I'm giving myself until Monday to think about it.

I believe that if I can walk/run while watching a movie, I'll do it regularly. I don't watch much TV and hardly ever get to catch a movie. So, to exercise while having fun will work for me. I could even learn to associate TV with exercise.

I'm excited. And I'm optimistic.

Meanwhile, I'll do another three mile walk tomorrow.

[play-doh]

139.8 today!

Wahoo!!! It's working!!!

Now, we could say I've just lost water weight

or

We could say that drinking wine and not exercising was making me retain water which I've now lost

The question is: is the body half full of water? or half empty?

Okay, I'm a little giddy after seeing that 3 in the tens place.

[brc]

Hi Play-doh! Your journal is great and congrats on getting in the 130's. I would be ecstatic. Sounds like you are very similar to me in the amount you need to lose and the stalling. I have been living in "sweat" type pants for a couple of years too. It was about 2 years ago this month when I realized I was fat. It was our anniversary (which it will be again August 16th) and for the last few previous months I had been living in my bathing suits and staying out at the pool. The hubby wanted to take me to dinner and I went to put on something nice. I tried to pull up the pants over my hips and they would not budge. I was stunned to say the least. Then I tried another pair and another. I finally ended up with clothes thrown all over the bedroom, bathroom & closet and spent two hours doing it. That is when I resigned myself to buying lots of sweat/yoga pants. So I totally feel your pain about only having a couple of pairs of anything that fit. I refuse to go buy a whole wardrobe of bigger clothes. This must work! And we must continue to do it, even after tantrums.

[play-doh]

I'm glad to see you here! Yes, we are very similar. Even our anniversary month is the same.

I can totally relate to your anniversary clothing experience. I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to skip a party because I didn't have good clothes to wear. I'm so sorry it happened to you, I know how awful it is.

For me, I'd get so down on myself and sometimes I'd even wake up in the night and just lie there feeling so guilty about what I'd let happen to my body. But rather than fix the problem I'd say "To heck with it," or "Who cares?", or "I don't have time deal with it," and then I'd eat whatever I wanted until the next time I was in the situation where I was faced with having to care.

But you and I are doing everything we can to undo past eating habits, so we shouldn't kick ourselves for having let the weight creep up on us. Onward and upward, or, rather, downward (with the weight!)!

The part that makes sticking to a diet hard for me, is that I'm not terribly overweight. I'm just not as skinny as I used to be (I'm 5'6" and four years ago I weighted a steady 122). But my frame simply can't carry 140 pounds elegantly.

I have friends who weigh close to 200 pounds and they're absolutely gorgeous. I would never suggest they lose weight. They also somehow manage to find beautiful clothes that fit and flatter their bodies. But I can't! I look lumpy and lardy in everything I put on.

Maybe you can relate to my frustrations?

Anyway, I think when I hit 135, I'll try to find a pair of jeans that fit. I haven't worn jeans in ages.