Do people treat you differently?

[Bubbles331]

I've been overweight my whole life. Basically from high school until a year and half ago I've been between 200 and 230. I had a baby about a year ago and I've been struggling trying to stay out of the 270's. I always had complaints no matter what my weight. However, it really does get worse the more you weigh. For example, the fact that I can't get up a flight of stairs with out losing my breath, not fitting in chairs, not being able to fasten an airplane belt. These were things that never even crossed my mind. I can't fit into any of my old clothes even maternity clothes are tight. I feel terrible about myself.

Anyway, lately all I think about is "Would people treat me better if I were thinner?" I may have wondered once in a while before, but now it is all I think about. I need to get healthy for me, but I keep thinking maybe it would be rewarding to notice people treating me better. I probably sound crazy, but my self esteem hasn't been great since my even bigger weight gain.

My question is to people who have lost weight: Have you noticed a difference in the way people treat you? If so, do you resent the fact that you may get more positive attention now than you did previously?

[wileybosco]

Absolutely! It's foolish how men open doors, stare at you, give you special treatment and flirt and touch openly. But I find it with women as well. Not sure if confidence plays into it and people seem to be magnetized toward that kind of person who feels good about themselves.

[RedRox]

you have a very magnetic personality! then again could just be the yoga...

[wileybosco]

definitely the yoga!!!!!

[DebbyC]

Not sure if confidence plays into it and people seem to be magnetized toward that kind of person who feels good about themselves.

I think it is more about confidence - there will always be shallow people who do not look farther than the 100# manufactured boobs and butt carrier ....but I think people of both genders find something attractive about people who walk with their head up and look confidently on the world around them. Sometimes you meet someone like that and when size [or age or other usually discriminatory issue] is mentioned - you're surprised because the PERSON was more then the sum of the parts. Some people have the kind of mentality that even if they were 17 BMI and botox'd would find something else wrong with themselves...

[lisa30]

For me personally i am a happier more confident person when i look and feel good, this in turn affects how i interact with others and thus how they then interact with me...... So the answer is yes.

[Stamperriffic]

For me yes. After having 2 babies back to back, I've got about 30 pounds to loose.

Just yesterday, I noticed several times that people didn't look at me. They looked past me. Maybe it's my imagination, don't know. Anyway, I'm not really in this for the "looks" but I'm in this to be healthier and feel better about myself. If I get more "looks" that's just a perk.

People also seem to treat you differently, that too could be my imagination. I remembered doors were always opened for me, not so much anymore.

I don't think I'm being shallow, or at least I hope I don't sound that way.

[KimRL]

I remembered doors were always opened for me, not so much anymore.

I don't believe doors are being opened much for anyone as much these days as in the past. But that's a different topic all together and my own personal soap box.

[DebbyC]

I remembered doors were always opened for me, not so much anymore.

I don't believe doors are being opened much for anyone as much these days as in the past. But that's a different topic all together and my own personal soap box.

can we add to that soap box hateful snotty self centered people who don't acknowledge a wellmannered young man standing in the heat, ice, rain etc to hold doors for them...or them and their kids....I've had to explain to my son that those people are just ignorant and self centered...now he just says "you're welcome" as they pass by without a glance!

[caroletee]

Oh - it's so sad - but those that are heavy are definately treated differently than those who are not.

My daughter, who is 125 lbs, will be heading off to college this fall. Her biggest fear is not in regard to making friends, her courseload or her room mates - her words exactly were - "Oh lord, I hope I don't get fat. If I put on the freshman 15 (20), I'll just die."

I love that child to death - but for a brief moment in time - I wanted to smack her into the middle of next week.

I think my icy stare to her remark said enough.

PS - fitting into an airplane seat comfortably is on my list of things that will make me happy when I'm at a healthier weight. I love to travel and fly - but damn those seats are SMALL.

[manzanita]

An interesting question and interesting responses and I agree with them all - particularly about how when we feel better about ourselves, we act different which therefore affects how other people interact with us. That's doesn't just have to be about weight - it could be we're wearing our favourite colour, done something we've enjoyed etc etc.

I think it really comes down to what we see first, and I would argue that if you're large/fat/heavy/insert your own word here, that's what people see first because we have examples in the media that thin is "normal" and the ideal.

For example: the adult entertainment industry - how many times have you see "NAKED SKINNY GIRLS!" used to advertise the service? You can bet though that "NAKED FAT GIRLS!" will be used more frequently and I argue, that's because large/fat/heavy/whatever you call it is the abnormal, the unexpected etc and from the perspective of a rather nasty ex of mine, just plain funny.

(Why on earth I was with him when I'm larger myself is another question entirely but there we go!)

So, in short, yes I do think people do treat you differently because you're either conforming or not-conforming to social ideals or to one's personal construct of acceptability.

Manzy

[Bortass]

Keep in mind that values change over time. Larger women were the ideal beauty in some western cultures. I'm sure part of it had to do with economics. Only well off people could be sedentary enough and afford enough food to become overweight. Most everyone else was hoping for a good harvest so they wouldn't starve in the winter. Yes, i'm generalizing but you get the drift.

Everyone has different tastes as well...

Back to one of the original questions: If so, do you resent the fact that you may get more positive attention now than you did previously?

Perhaps, if it's from someone that knew me the entire time. That tells you a little bit about the person.

I'll admit that I'll see the size of a person first. And sometimes some not so nice things will run through my head. Not always but it does happen enough. It's disturbing in that I'm being both prejudiced and hypocritical. Both of which are shameful. I do try to reflect on this behavior in an attempt to stop it. It's just one of the many flaws I have as a person.

[queenofthedietpatrol]

I have lost over 250 lbs the olf fashion way -- no surgery. Yes, people will treat you differently.

In meetings, my ideas are accepted more readily. In socal situations, people make an effort to include me. In activities, people want me on there team. Men will open doors for you and offer to fetch you a drink. Women will compliment you on your clothes or hair. You are "seen" again.

Yes, it takes adjustment suddenly being noticed. It can be a little overwhelming if you have been invisible for several years as I had. Maybe even a liitle frightening. However, I am healthier. I am happier because my appearance is considered normal and I no longer feel the ridicule of the harsh judgements of others.

I wish you good health. Lose weight for the right reasons. You don't have to be a size 3 or 6. Celebrate every weight loss acheivement without rewarding yourself with food. Walk. You can do it!

[elleelise]

I think confidence has everything to do with it. I read this book, "The Art of Being a Woman" and while a lot of it was eye-rollable, there were some points that struck me as extremely poignant and relevant.

[In France] an alluring woman who is not conventionally pretty is revered as a jolie laide-- literally an ugly belle-- and she is often the object of envy because of her uncanny ability to attract suitors in spite of her unusual looks... beauty is a feeling, not a spectacle.

It continues:

In America, nine out of ten women are not happy with their physique. The great anatomical wonder that is their naked self is a burden to most of them. In France, where women are under less pressure to be thin, a rotund silhouette is seldom reason enough to renounce the pleasure of a daily baguette. And whereas losing ten pounds in the United States requires a full-fledged campaign, getting rid of the equivalent of four and a half kilos seems less taxing in metric system...

More than beauty, what makes you lovable is the way you care for yourself.

So I did an experiment after reading this book-- I fed myself mantras and positive affirmations and held my head high when I went out to run errands. While waiting in line at the bank I thought, "You are so gorgeous!" (lame, right?)... but I really did feel more confident and beautiful, and it might have been my imagination but more people turned heads and noticed.

We are creatures with energies and connections to feelings that far outweigh the scale or what our eyes initially see and measure. By losing weight I feel better about myself and so I radiate more confidence. But it's not about weight loss. It's all in our heads.

So... I'm working towards maintaining this positive mindset more consistently. It's hard though, because we're spoon fed very shallow concepts from the media, but I believe that people are more attracted to confidence than one's level of fitness.

[nygirl22]

I definitely think confidence plays a role. I have noticed this in myself... regardless of what I look like. It is all about how I feel others see me.