Lissa's Better Eating Journal

[DCLissa17]

ARGH so frustrated today! I was soo good and went the gym Wed morning and my hip was KILLING me all night at work last night. I could feel it getting sore even while I was on the elliptical, which it did the last time too but it didn't last. This time it was aching like crazy right where my pelvis attaches to the lower back. To the point that I actually took some ibuprofen and iced it for awhile. This particular issue was the final straw that led me to joining the gym in the first place. (cuz chronic back/shoulder pain for 3 years was apparently NOT enough incentive already!) The hip issue had seemed resolved and the back pain had greatly improved since starting so I was feeling pretty cheerful! No chiropracter visits in 3 months! Plus I was even able to decrease my massage from twice a month to once a month (which helps offset the gym membership, yay). But now the SAME exercise that I've been doing for 3 months is actually seeming to CAUSE more pain. Frustrating! I will rest it this week and see how it goes. If it feels ok, next time at the gym I will try either the bike or the treadmill for cardio instead and see if that is better. I think the underlying issue is that my SI is sub-luxating - no idea why it started doing that in general or why the elliptical is suddenly aggravating it. Maybe by not going much for the last 2-3 weeks it's weakened again already? Maybe since I'm so short the elliptical is just a little too much range of motion for the hip joint? I dunno but I really don't want this to get into my psyche and end up stopping going at all.

Food on the other hand is much better. After this last weekend's sleep and snacking debacle, I am glad to get back the structured workweek.

B: 2 eggs w/ spinach fried on 1 slice WW toast, ~1/3 c. carrot sticks, cup V8 fusion, coffee
L: spinach salad w/ strawberry vinagriette, bowl bean soup, coffee
S: small light yogurt, 1/2 apple w/ PB
S: cinnamon apple spice tea, a few conversation hearts and caramels
D: 1/2c. cucumber slices, FF hot dog, 1c. sweet potato fries, 1/2c. beans w/ sprinkle of cheese, glass of milk
S: probably some strawberries!

[bethy]

Tell me about it. I'm lying on my ice pack right now and just took 4 advil. If we weren't so stiff we could paint each other's toenails BFF style

[DCLissa17]

Ugh I don't know what the dealy-o is, but I am STARVING tonight! Nothing out of the ordinary food-wise so ?? On the bright side, my hip feels all better. Whatever stupid hip. My ribs/abs are sore today though. I DID do a lot of core work on Wednesday morning but not sure why it took 24 hours to start getting sore. Stupid core. I have 2 more nights of work this week and then I'll plan to stop at the gym on Sunday morning. Maybe some light cardio on the bike and some light core work and I'll focus on my arms/legs.

Here's the food tally so far (it's definitely not over!)

B: HB egg, carrots w/ FF refried beans, coffee
L: (taken early in my shift because I was SOO hungry and we were slow) spinach salad w/ strawberry vinagriette, bowl bean soup
Sss: (over 6 hours) coffee, banana, ~2oz canned LF chicken, 4oz strawberry yogurt....quite a few conversation hearts....and I'll probably have some pistachios +/- some PB that's in my locker. Seriously. So hungry. Would eat a big bowl of veggies if only I had any.
D: ?? probably gonna make a chicken cheese quesadilla on one small WW tortilla w/ sides of beans and green beans +/- some raw veggies or a salad
S: probably the last of my strawberries. Maybe a few Doritos cuz I opened another bag and they are TAUNTING me. Doritos are better than rum, right? RIGHT?

New episode of Vampire Diaries this morning, YAY!! I sure hope it's good. It's been dragging a bit the last couple months.

[bethy]

WRONG

[DCLissa17]

So this weekend is pretty much an amazing epic fail so far. Like, really really quite impressive. It's starting to piss me off how MUCH I am wasting my time and squandering my life away. Seriously. I'm just getting really sick of myself. I keep giving myself permission to be lazy, to burrow into my house, to not accomplish ANYTHING, to eat like crap, to not exercise, to not interact with other people, to not have fun, to not go outside, to not not NOT. I can't figure out what the key is to STOP this behavior before it grinds me into nothing.

Because even feeling like this. Even having written that. I am not going to get out of this recliner. I am not going to take a shower. I am not going to go to the gym. I am not going to clean my house. I am not going to put the Christmas decorations away. I am not going to start sorting through my stuff. I am not going to take the dog on a long walk. I am not going to put my couponing lists together. I am not going to GO coupon shopping. I am not going to call my friend and make plans to go see him today/tomorrow.

Sigh.

I got up late on Saturday night to go to an extra work shift. Was showered and dressed before I saw the message on my phone that I didn't need to come in, they were too slow. Woot! So instead, I ran to Rite Aid to use up a couple of rewards coupons that expired that day, and I bought a bottle of champagne. I KNEW I SHOULDN'T. I knew I didn't even really WANT it. I knew I would regret it. But I did it anyways.

Then I drank it. Yes the whole bottle. Tried to at least not snack like crazy or off-Beach and I think I mostly succeeded. Zonked out on the chair, then woke up and went to bed. Slept for a few more hours.

6am on Sunday I'm awake in bed with a lovely headache. Decide to stay in bed. Gathered various food and water and honest-to-God laid in bed for 6 hours snacking and reading. Read like 300 pages and finished my book. Then rolled over and went back to sleep. Was supposed to get up in the evening and go square dancing, which I've been looking forward to. When the alarm went off at 5p I literally couldn't force myself out of bed. Dozed for another 3 hours trying to convince myself to get up and failed. Slept til about midnight then woke up. Totally screwed over the sleep schedule (amongst so many other things I screwed over).

Today.....I'm not eating on plan. I'm angry with myself. I have NO idea when I'm going to sleep/what I'm going to do for the next two days I have off work. I've been doing so much better this time around with SB and just everything and instead of a slip-slide like I did last year, this time it just seems to be crashing down on me. I don't want to say screw it and walk away from SB because I know that how crappy I feel right now will just get worse and worse if I give up SB.

Food? Here's the tally so far today (I've been up for 6 hours). Amongst other things, I just can't compel myself to fix meals so that's not helping anything either.....

-Box of rice-a-roni (yes a whole box)
-a LOT of almonds (at least 2 servings)
- 2c. spinach salad w/ raspberry vinagriette
-1c. roasted cauliflower
-1c. sweet potato fries
-1 Snickers PB egg
-1 Butterfinger (the regular size bars, not a mini)
-8oz POM juice
-1c. milk
-vanilla greek yogurt
-1 kiwi
-1/2c. raisins

I do have 2 pieces of salmon marinating in the fridge so I'm gonna put those in the oven since I've had very little protein for the day. Maybe while that's cooking I'll have a bowl of Healthy Choice veggie soup.

I don't know how to alter my mood and my habits. I'm so tired and I'm so alone. I'm so tired of BEING so alone. And yet, making the effort to reach out to other people and form new friendships and relationships is SO completely overwhelming to me that most of the time I can't even contemplate where to start. So I don't. And well, here I am.

Oh yeah, the house? Inspection on Friday showed a ton of water damage that would need to be fixed before financing would go through. It's a bank-owned foreclosure so it's very unlikely that they will do it at their cost. Most likely I will have to walk away from this one.....and be out at least $500.

[bethy]

((((hug)))) been there, done it, got the XL t-shirt. don't know what to say about it. just ((((hug)))).

[DCLissa17]

Thanks Bethy

I did have 2c. of veggie soup + baked salmon + 1c. roasted carrots. ....and then 1/2 a bag of gummi raspberries.....

I called my friend and made plans to come out and see him tonight (he's 2 hours w/ a ferry ride away).

It's small victories you know?

Today I've:

- Got up when I said I would
- Showered and dressed
- Made a spinach salad for "breakfast"
- Packed 3c. of raw veggies for car-snacking along with string cheese and almonds

For "dinner" tonight we will likely have pizza and wine so I'm getting my veggies in before I get there. Will probably have a little breakfast in the morning (leftover pizza anyone?) and head home midday for a good SB meal.

It's a new day, right? I'm getting up and out of the house to take myself away from ALL the temptations of sluggery and sugar.

[DCLissa17]

Well today I'm feeling a bit better about myself, a step in the right direction. Last night I cried on the phone to my mom while on the ferry which is good to do. She has always been an unconditional support for me, despite some crazy decisions I have made in my life! I am lucky to have her as my best friend. Then I hung out with a very old friend and watched Firefly and ate pizza and cinnasticks and drank cheap Franzia wine. It was lovely and I am treating it as an emotional time out.

Today! I'm pretty happy with how today has gone. Not SB-perfect and not highly productive, but I'm happy with it. Woke up and had a glass of milk and some leftover pizza for breakfast. Drove home and had a good lunch, watched a couple of my TV shows. Monday is a VERY HOT day on TV. Lots to watch. Busy busy busy. Got my coupons together and swung by Albertson's and Top Foods. Hot buys of the week: 5 pears, 2 mango, 2 heads cauliflower, 2 bunches broccoli, celery, 26 cans of chipotle pinto beans for chili, 2 spaghetti squash, 8 tilapia filets, 2 jars PB, 12oz of almonds, 2 cans tuna, and 2 16oz jars EVOO for just $25! Woohoo! Did a 20min interval walk around the neighborhood. Did the dishes, made a beef bolognese over spaghetti squash to eat this workweek, made dinner and watched more TV! I need to stay up a few more hours so will try to do some more chores while I finish watching a couple more shows. (seriously...there's like 7 hours worth of shows from Monday....I'm a tv-a-holic) Still no news about the house but I'm reaching a zen-like state about it.

B: slice pepperoni pizza, 2 cinnasticks, cup of iced tea, cup of milk
S: 1.5c raw veggies on drive home (did NOT eat the Reese's I had in the car with me, yay! Reminded myself: "you're not even hungry. And you ate ALL that pizza!")
L: salmon, WG rice mix w/ spinach/onions (i really feel like I had some other veggies here but can't remember what it was......)
S: 1/2 bag of gummi raspberries (warned ya it wasn't a perfect day) almonds (too many)
D: tilapia fillet, WG rice mix w/ spinach/onions, 2c. spinach salad, small mango (omg i LUV mangos!)
S: crunchy PB (way too much and yes I know I already overdid my nut allowance earlier. Didn't care)

Hunger level: not hungry. Will probably have some yogurt later, maybe snack on some more raw veggies since I'm gonna be up til 4-ish and will need another snack.
Prep level: Next week is another 4-day workweek. I am going to go to a really strict P2 for the next week to try and break back out of the oversize starch serving/candy habit that I've fallen back into. Most of my choices have stayed good but the candy has gotten bad and I've just been eating too much starches at a time. I plan on cutting all of that out, having just 1 fruit a day, and none to one small starch serving a day. I have the beef bolognose over spaghetti squash for lunches and I'll probably make a pot of turkey chili to have for dinners along with spinach salads.
Exercise: doing ok. Walked a lot today. May do some P1 exercises from the book, they are actually really good for my back issues. No gym this weekend, not gonna worry about it tonight.
Happiness: Satisfactory - 6 out of 10.

[bethy]

I just. don't. remember. any ferries around DC. Are you telling me the DC stands for Dramatic Coupon savings and I went on and on about the other DC and you didn't say What the are you talking about? Glad you're feeling much perkier. (delicious candy, defective canines,drinking champagne ) Wish *I* had a recliner.

[DCLissa17]

Hey bethy! *waves madly* Uh....no the DC stands for Dawson's Creek. Did I mention my TV-watching OCD? yeahhhh......Dawson's was the one that started it all. I actually made my mom get satellite TV so that I could watch it. I have all the episodes on TAPE. VCR TAPES. Painstakingly and insanely recorded every week. Course I have the series on DVD now but do you think I'll get rid of those tapes? NEVER!! There is original music (some of the music was changed on the DVDs cuz of rights issues )...and promos...and COMMERCIALS on those tapes. They are AWESOME.

Anyways. Oh yeah, the DC. Nope I'm in Seattle. Pretty here. Nice ferries. Thank god I don't have to ride one every day to commute or anything, would be mucho annoying. But fun to ride for kicks or the occasional road trip.

Back at work today. Hip/back hurts like hell. When I stand straight I can literally FEEL my right leg being forward and about 2 inches shorter than the left. Feels like I'm walking around with one shoe on and one shoe off. Sitting in the recliner all weekend masked how bad it is. Will be calling the chiropractor in the morning. Not please with this situation. Serves me right for not doing my PT or keeping up with the gym. I really should know better this many years into this situation. Promise once again to do my exercises and go to the gym after I get this adjusted. (again)

Food is great today. I wonder if part of this black mood is that I've been falling off the SB wagon and it's been affecting me physiologically. I mean, I know there are outside forces and emotional aspects at work on my mood, but part of it may simple be the processed starches and sugars I've been putting back into my body after a few months of very clean eating. .....the alcohol doesn't help either..... I am going to put back into effect my drinking rules. You don't KNOW my drinking rules? Let me elaborate:

Lissa's Rules For Drinking (aka How To Not Become An Alcoholic Accidently)
1. Do not drink between work shifts
2. Do not drink entire bottles of wine in one sitting
3. Do not have more than 2 glasses of wine or cocktails at home alone
4. Do not drink when unhappy
5. Drinks unlimited when being social - but no passing out and NO driving

Ok, today:

B: 2 scrambled eggs w/ spinach, glass V8 fusion, cup coffee
S: small light yogurt
L: beef bolognese over spaghetti squash, coffee
S: apple w/ PB, coffee
D: will make turkey chili + 2c. spinach salad w/ raspberry vinagriette
S: ?? maybe a string cheese or LC wedge.

Happiness: Good - 7
Hunger: None - yay! Plus because of my couponing I often bring candy to work (as well as cereal - so much cereal right now). Today I brough dark chocolate Bliss meltaways. I don't like dark chocolate so no cravings or temptation there. someone is going to hit me on here for not liking dark chocolate, aren't they? *ducks*
Hurt: Bad - 8 out of 10 when standing/walking. Ok when sitting/lying flat on my back in the middle of the treatment room like a crazy person
House: No news is.....well no news.

Hey look, it's the 4 H's of assessment? Can you think of any other H categories?

[bethy]

Seattle! Do you ever see Derek and Addison on the ferry, or Meredith in the water? Did you know that just Having 3 or more drinking rules means you are an end stage alcoholic, go directly to jail , do not collect 200 nestle crunch eggs? I like dark chocolate okay but I'm not the POlice. My true love is Fran's smoked salt caramels. If you haven't had them, stay away from the Four Seasons, Fran will bankrupt you in a matter of days. But if you see a coupon for THOSE please IM me immediately.
I'm staying purely beachy so far, but I always was the "fast out of the gate, lose it in the backfield" type.
See ya later, I gotta go put my happy meter on 8 because Grey's Anatomy is NOT a rerun tonight.

[DCLissa17]

Yeah my cravings-resistor super-power wanes greatly after lunch too.

No MerDer sightings yet, but I HAVE worked in hospitals for the last 10 years (ok emergency veterinary hospitals) and I can tell you now...it really IS THAT CRAZY. Seriously. So excited that Grey's is new tonight because Vampire Diaries is on hiatus AGAIN. That show

No 4 seasons here and I've never seen the caramels...but that's something I would be all over.

[SBMike]

My wife is working on a recipe for Salted Caramel Apple Pie.


Anybody got a guest room I can use?

[JeffInJax]

I'll be honest mike, that sounds dangerously yummy. Ive never heard of the salted version, but apple pie can be mouthwatering. Especially mommas version fresh baked around thanksgiving, i practically need a towel for all the drool lol.

You're doing a good Lissa but do not push it so hard that you'll put yourself out of the game so to speak for a long period of time. I know a lot of people swear by yoga for things like that. I know many people with joint/back problems who do yoga and for some reason it relieves the pain and keeps them feeling limber. Your mood most DEFINETLY can be affected by what you eat, generally my girlfriend knows my first week of phase one im generally grumpy. She has a heavy sweet tooth and the few times i give in and join her, getting rid of all the sugar immediately almost is like putting your body in withdrawl. By the way, i found the only resteraunt in jacksonville where there is not a single thing i can eat in any way shape or form. Five guys burgers and fries lol

[DCLissa17]

Phew! Much better today all-around I managed to get a chiropractor appointment yesterday at a not-completely-terrible time before work. He did quite a bit of adjustments and releases and while I can never tell how I feel directly afterwards as basically my body is in shock mode, I could definitely tell the difference later through work. Yay! My chiro was very disappointed when I admitted that once again I had failed to head his advice regarding icing and using a tennis ball on my spine to work the knots out. Promised to change again. Went home and started to get ready for work when I got a call from my supervisor that it was slow again and did I want to come in late? Heck YEAH! 'Specially since i only really slept a couple of hours since my hip was bugging me so much. (I NEVER have problems sleeping so this was a major bad sign) Took another 2 hour "nap" and felt sooo much better.

We were super duper slow at work. Was sooo nice. Actually got a chance to ice my hip a couple of times and worked on a case report I will (hopefully) be presenting at a conference this fall. Knocked off an hour early and came home. Nice beachy dinner while watching Grey's and now I am off to bed. 1/2 of my workweek done!

B: cup of chili, cup milk, coffee
L: beef bolognose over spaghetti squash, cinnamon apple spice tea
S1: strawberry yogurt w/ granola, coffee
S2: pistachios and cocoa roast almonds
D: 2c. spinach salad w/ raspberry vinagriette, bowl chili, glass milk
S: small mango, LC cheese wedge

Ok, I like this little assessment thing that I stole from bethy tho yours is more free-form and I am totally OCD so it tends to stay in my stable categories. We'll see what happens with it.....

Happiness: Very good - 8
Hunger: None! Yay for no sugar (my mother sent me an Easter "basket" in the mail. I'm 30 and she still sends me Valentine's chocolates and Easter candy. It's sweet and I'm not about to stop her. I have NOT opened the box however. I will, but not for another few days)
Hurt: Very much improved, mostly in the hip....Moderate - 6 (as a comparison, my "normal" chronic pain level for my back/shoulder issues is probably a 3-4. When my hip isn't flaring, it is a 0)
House: So I checked with the property management company yesterday since I STILL hadn't received the resale certificate/bylaws that I mailed a check for last Wednesday. The guy in the office who is not in charge of it noted that it is compiled and lying on the desk WITH AN ENVELOPE ready to be mailed. Seriously? It would have been too much for the lady to mail it BEFORE SHE LEFT? I will follow up today to make sure she actually mails it today. I received a copy of the appraisal by email which DOES note about the water damage repairs needed that the inspector found and that the appraisal is subject to those repairs. Though it does state that without the repairs (as-is) that it appraises for the listing price. So whatever that ends up meaning. At least it doesn't appraise significantly less cause that would muck this up even more. I guess now my realtor sends the appraisal to the seller to negotiate about who is responsible for the repairs. Argh. Doesn't look like anything will get determined this week at this point.

Ok, catch y'all later!

Oh, and I do do some mild stretching-type yoga sometimes. I don't know how much it helps, but building healthy flexibility and core muscles is definitely a cornerstone for helping with back problems.
House: