Finding My Collar Bones

[smay]

Well, I wasn't sure if I was going to start a journal or not, but since I seemed to be talking to basically myself on the fitness thread I was involved in and my P2 thread is really slow too, I guess I'll just talk to myself in my own spot!

About 4 years ago my collar bones left me. At first, I thought they were just taking a short vacation and would be back soon. Since I knew they weren't going far, I didn't think to look for them, or report them missing. Every once and a while I would intensify the search, but would give up after a week or two. I would tell myself that I didn't have the money, resources, or time to find them, and that I knew that one day they would be back. Honestly, my heart just wasn't in the search. I just wasn't ready to find them, until now.

Here's my long story on how I lost my collar bones... I got married a little over 5 years ago. After a year of sharing an apartment, and paying off our wedding, my husband and I bought our first house. Once we moved in, we immediately started trying to have a family. I got pregnant right away, but 8 weeks later it ended with surgery to resolve an ectopic. I fell into a depression and gained about 10 pounds in 3 months, because I just didn't care and ice cream made me feel better. Shortly after we had the go-ahead from the doctor to try again, I got pregnant with our son. After I was done being miserably sick for 16 weeks, the only thing I wanted to eat was chicken strips and fries with honey mustard. Needless to say, I gained a lot of weight with that pregnancy. For some reason, I figured it would just kind-of melt off after having him. I've never had an easy time with my weight, so I have no idea what I was thinking? I didn't go back to work after having our 1st, so I had no drive to get back into my work clothes. I just kinda bummed around in sweats, and cooked and baked a lot. Also, with us cutting our income in half, I dropped my gym membership. I tried counting calories, but found that to be a big hassle. I tried the Special K diet, but was starving all the time. I didn't stick to anything, and honestly, it was because I really didn't "want it" enough. I wasn't ready. A few months after my son turned one, we started trying again, and were soon pregnant with our daughter. Amazingly with her, I didn't gain much and lost it all within a few weeks. I thought after she was born that I was ready to lose the weight. We had decided that our family was complete. I joined the fitness center at my husband's work, and diligently went there 2-3 times a week for an entire year. In that year, I gained 10 pounds... Finally, one day this year in the middle of January, just days before my baby's 1st birthday, I decided I was done. I was done being heavy. I was done not having collar bones. I needed to do something immediately and the change needed to be drastic. I made a poor decision and started Atkins. I lost about 10 pounds in the course of a month, but I hated food. I hated exercise. I hated cooking for my family. I knew I couldn't continue, but didn't know where else to go. My brother-in-law's wife mentioned South Beach when we were talking about Atkins. I researched, and very soon after, made the switch.

I've now been on the beach since the middle of February. I'm very happy with what I've been eating, and cooking for my family. I'm fully in P2, down about 20 pounds now, and consistently losing 1.5-2 lb. a week. I still work out 2-3 times a week, and am starting strength training now to tone up as well. Ideally, I'd love to lose another 30, but if I don't, so be it! My goal isn't so much related to the numbers on the scale. It's to find my collar bones again.

-Susan

[Kyan]

Hey Smay!!

I know what you mean about talking to yourself on some of the boards. I often chat to myself on the accountability thread on the Phase 2 board! ha ha

I was thinking about your dilemma on the collar bone situation.... could you have left them somewhere? Wendys? Some steak house? Taco Hell? I couldn't find my waist for the longest time... wait... my SMALL waist.... (so had to substitute the large so that I would have SOMETHING to wear under the boobs!) and realized that my small waist had sadly been left behind in my restaurantfest days! Not that my restaurantfesting has totally disappeared....

I'm sorry to tell you that if you left them there, someone snatched them up and you won't get them back!

Good thing you are strolling the Beach!

(And welcome to the world of journaling!)

[attornista]

smay, what a great first journal entry. And congratulations on the weight loss, sounds like you are doing great. Look forward to following your journey,and to the day you find your collar bones.

[chefk]

Susan-
I agree that was great reading! I also had an ectopic right after my daughter. I was definitely depressed, but didn't know why. Just a big swirling mess of emotions. I certainly didn't want to be pregnant again, but actually felt guilty like I did something wrong. Anyway, I also gained a bunch of weight with my daughter. I was bedridden because of complications and didn't eat at all because I always felt sick. My metabolism took a nose dive and didn't return even after she was born and I was eating again.

I was desperate and tried Atkins too. I spent a good year on it. I lost weight, but rapidly gained back and then some afterwards. I just knew it wasn't healthy and needed to stop. I understand the avoidance of sugar and processed foods completely, but why all the fat? ...and why can't you have good carbs? It makes no sense. I'm really glad we both would up here and I'm glad you started a journal!

Here's to getting healthy and finding dem bones.

[smay]

Thanks for the posts!

I'm having a not-so-spectacular day today. My baby is teething her lower canines, and my 3 year old, who I thought was 99% potty-trained a week ago, has been having a free-for-all in his underwear... But, I am not stress snacking! I love how I don't even think of eating crap now when the kids are giving me a bad time. As for cooking, I'm really looking forward to the Chicken with Israeli Couscous with Tomato and Lemon for dinner tonight. When I went to the grocery store last night, I did buy a bar of Lindt 85% Cocoa dark chocolate - for hormonal emergencies only!

Kyan - I think Applebee's would be holding my collar bones. Though, it was mostly through car-side to go. Maybe they are in the house somewhere!

attornista - good luck on your journey as well!

chefk - I'm very glad you made the jump here from Atkins! I couldn't eat like that as a life-long plan, and I knew it wasn't going to teach my kids proper nutrition either. I know what you mean about the metabolism taking a nose-dive too. I was just a few months short of 30 when I had my son, and it seems like I hit a wall. Age really played a factor for me. Sorry you had such tough pregnancies. With my daughter, I was so sick that I got put on Zofran so I could keep some food down. It was after 20 weeks with her before I started feeling human again, which is probably why I gained less than 20 pounds with her.

[Kyan]

Mmmm Applebees.....Bourbon steak and garlic mashed potatos......

Do you know, for years the staff at the Outback knew my voice on the phone when I called to order take-out!

Sorry your day has been challenging! The nice thing about your emergency chocolate bar is that a little bit goes a long way! I prefer the Lindt 70something%. My boys and I did a chocolate taste test and we bought about 18 different chocolate bars from the health food store and taste tested them. That was so much fun! lol Lindt is one of my top favorites of all of those!

[smay]

So, yesterday ended up being a pretty good day. Kids were well behaved in the afternoon, got a ton of laundry done (I wish I liked food as much as I like laundry and dishes... I'd be sooo skinny!) and got the house somewhat picked up too. Made the Chicken with Israeli Couscous with Tomato and Lemon for dinner - http://thebittenword.typepad.com/thebit ... lemon.html. It was very yummy even though I used way too sweet of a white wine in it. I had a bottle left open from a dinner party last weekend, and didn't want it to go to waste. I'll use a drier white next time. It was the first time I've had Israeli couscous. Very different from regular couscous, but I loved it! Didn't go to the gym last night, but it is one of my off-nights. Spent a good hour outside playing with the kids after dinner though.

Today I put on my "fat-pants" from 4 years ago. My "fat-pants" are now "fit-pants". I want them to be "fat-pants" again, but am very happy that I can now wear them. I'm hoping to get into my slightly smaller "fat-pants" in a few weeks. Remember the saying "Nothing gets between me and my Calvin's." Well, I had about 20 pounds between me and mine!

Looking forward to today. Having a few girlfriends over for lunch and a play-date for the kids.

[smay]

So the scale was nice to me this morning. I'm down 21 pounds now. Usually the morning after a work-out, I'm steady or up a bit, so hopefully tomorrow it will be even lower! I went to the gym last night and did my normal Thursday workout of the elliptical. I now have a weight program to do too, but I'm having a psychological block on starting it. I don't want to see the scale go up. I know it will be muscle mass, but I'm not sure I can be rational about the gain right now. I think I've talked myself into starting slow and just doing it once a week during my weekend workout. I thought I could just put my big-girl panties on and deal with some healthy weight gain, but after noticing how I felt with the water weight gain during my cycle this month, I am not sure I can...

Enjoyed having friends over for adult conversation and a kids play-date yesterday. Made Chicken Capri for lunch with oven roasted broccoli and steamed carrots. We also had a nice caesar side-salad and some fresh fruit. I'm not snacking much during the day any more. Seldom have a morning snack, and usually don't want anything till late in the afternoon. Supper was leftovers, which was nice, because I wasn't in the mood to cook, which is uncommon for me.

It's supposed to be pretty warm here today, with the temp almost hitting 60. I think I'm going to talk my husband into grilling shrimp for supper tonight. We haven't had the grill out yet this year, but I think it's time! I picked up a box of Hodgson Mill Garlic and Basil whole wheat couscous last time I was at the store, and that sounds like it would be pretty tasty with some shrimp. Got a bunch of broccoli to toss in the grill basket too.

[chefk]

Sounds great! I completely understand the scale fear. It's not rational. We know that the muscle is good for burning and yet it's black and white weight gain on the scale. I'm trying to get my head around long term too.

It's still cold here today, but I'm hoping my husband with get the grill ready for the season too. Shrimp sounds great!

[Kyan]

Smay, was the chicken capri from a Beach cookbook? If so, I made that and really liked it! What did you think of it?

[attornista]

Smay, I know. Wouldn't it be great if the scale had a way to measure just body fat, and not water or muscle. Lifting weights feels so great though. I love that kind of soreness the next day. Congrats on 21, by the way!

[smay]

Down another pound today!!

No exercise last night. Just enjoyed a Friday night in. Grilled peel-and-eat shrimp on the gas grill. Had some ww couscous and a salad with the shrimp. It was very good, and we'll definitely be doing it again. We are remodeling our bathroom, so I spent some time priming a couple of walls. My husband is doing all the main work, but I try to take over any painting. I'm one of those crazy people who doesn't tape when painting. Hopefully can get some actual painting done this weekend too. We also watched Up in the Air. I love Clooney movies. I really like the odd ones too. Want to see Men who Stare at Goats next!

I need to get to the grocery store today too. I'm all out of my natural peanut butter, and I don't know what I'm going to do with my oatmeal without it!

attornista - I like your concept, but to actually know how much of my weight is body fat might send me into shock. They'd have to keep defibrillator paddles next to that scale!

Kyan - I think it was a SB cookbook recipe. I found it on the internet back when I started, and I've made it quite a few times now. I tend to make it when we have company, because it is very simple, doesn't taste diet-y, and is something that most people will eat. I experiment more on my immediate family... I remember reading that you have two SB cookbooks. Do you like one more than the other, and which one? I might have to check them out next time I get to a bookstore.

[Kyan]

Smay, I have more than two South Beach cookbooks - I have them all! There is one called Summer, one called Quick, one that has an orange jacket cover - it was the first one - there is a Holiday and Special Occasion one, and the SuperCharged book has recipes. Oh yes... and just the original diet book - it has recipes, too! I love them all! I don't know that I could pick a favourite! My Quick cookbook is falling apart... so maybe that one? ha ha!

There is also a "Good Carbs Bad Carbs" book and a Dining out book that I have.

Great job on tossing that other pound away!

Oh yes... and I am a movie nut. Last night I watched Blind Side. Just finished watching 2012 and New Moon this week. I have a HUGE movie collection! (Mostly VHS, but still...!) I haven't seen either of those movies you mentioned, though.

[Kyan]

Oh and by the way......

I read your post on Chef's journal about the measuring cups and I HAD to have them! I chose Amazon because I have a nice credit card there and can buy with one click.... I was reading the reviews and some people didn't like a couple of the seven piece sets because of the finish inside and some seam that catches dry ingredients... since I already have 1/8th cup (very handy at times!) I bought a three piece set - 2/3, 3/4 and 2 cup. I also got the weird measuring spoons... and it comes with a smidgen and a dash spoon! How fun is THAT???? The spoons were pricey, but they look awesome! I'm glad I read your comments on that.... I didn't even know they existed! Thanks!

[Kyan]

Also.... how did you pick the name "Smay?" What does it mean?