Hello to anyone who may peek in at this thread. Welcome to my humble abode that will be my narrative for this great big challenge ahead of me! Here are the basics:
My name is Brandy. I will be 35 this September. I have been happily married to my soul mate for almost 14 years. No kids. Never had that instinct. I was the oldest of 6 children myself and I think I had my fill.
We have lots of pets. I have been a surgical nurse for 14 years. I was born and raised in NM and I still live here in my desert (Carlsbad-home of Carlsbad Caverns). I love my land of enchantment. Here are the physical stats/health history:
Heaviest (and starting) weight: 318
I was born with a congenital heart condition called hypertrophic cardiomyopathy/pulmonary hypertension. When I was 28 I had a pacemaker/defibrillator implanted after 2 attempts. The first attempt had left me clinically dead for 4 minutes and then lead to a emergencey flight and a week in cardiac ICU followed by the 2nd attempt. Sheeesh. This summer I have to go and have my leads and generator changed out and I would be lying if I said I was not scared about it.
This past April I was having a severe shortness of breath. This is not uncommon for me, but it was CONSTANT. So to my cardiologist I went. Turns out that I had lapsed into congestive heart failure. Which, which unfortunately, is inevitable with the condition I have. I just didn't think it would be so SOON or so SUDDEN. At that time my Doc gave me the lecture about having 2 "potentially fatal" problems. My heart, which is partially
out of my control and my weight which is making my heart problem worse. Then she mentioned the dreaded "gastric bypass". My history with surgery is far from stellar. Funny, I know, being as I am a surgical nurse, huh?
So in MY mind that is just not an option. She freaked out when I asked her about walking and said "now is not the time to start an excercise program....too much strain on your heart". I don't know who I was kidding about the walking anyway. I was getting short of breath changing my clothes. So she suggested SBD which I promptly started on April 18th, 2009. The personality flaws:
I am an emotional eater. I eat when I am happy, sad, bored, stressed etc. Plus I eat CRAP. And it is not because I don't like healthy food....I really do. It is partially a conveinence thing and partially because I like crappy junk food too.
This is where I struggle. I am a type A, control freak. I am one of those people that gives a hundred and ten percent to anything I do. I HAVE TO BE GOOD AT WHAT I AM DOING. I am a perfectionist. I am telling you. If I counted paper clips for a living, I would be the best damn paper clip counter ever!!! I set unreasonable expectations for myself and others. I know this about myself and really try to keep it in check.
I am self aware enough to know what my issues are and I can even tell you what part of my past caused them.
So how does a person like this end up at 318 pounds?? I can't tell you how frustrating it has been over the last 15 years to watch my weight skyrocket and feel so out of contol. Honestly, it is the worst feeling in the world for someone like me. I have always been the overacheiver and here I can't even seem to get a grip on what I put in my mouth. This has been the ONE issue in my life that I cannot seem to manage. GRRRRRRRRRRR!
So here I sit on day 20 on the beach.
I have to say that it has been really easy to stick with. I have really made up my mind to not be defeated by my own bad habits this time around. I owe it to myself and to my beloved to try to extend my life span as much as possible and the most important step in that process is to improve my health drastically. I really believe I am on the right path.
So in phase one, I lost 20 pounds in the 1st 10 days. Yep, 20. But please note that I am sure that probably all of it was water weight after having my meds adjusted for the heart failure (doubling my diuretic). But let me tell you, my heart is much much happier today and I can actually BREATH again. Breathing is a good thing.
Since day 10 I think I have been gaining and losing the same 2 pounds repeatedly. I did start my period today so I am chalking it up to hormonal fluctuations. Anyways, that is my introduction to this journal. My mom was a HUGE journalist. She journaled about everything. I never have really. But I am going to give this a try.