Conquering the UNconquerable!!!

[brandywine1974]

Hello to anyone who may peek in at this thread. Welcome to my humble abode that will be my narrative for this great big challenge ahead of me!


Here are the basics:
My name is Brandy. I will be 35 this September. I have been happily married to my soul mate for almost 14 years. No kids. Never had that instinct. I was the oldest of 6 children myself and I think I had my fill. We have lots of pets. I have been a surgical nurse for 14 years. I was born and raised in NM and I still live here in my desert (Carlsbad-home of Carlsbad Caverns). I love my land of enchantment.

Here are the physical stats/health history:
5'3 1/2"
Heaviest (and starting) weight: 318

I was born with a congenital heart condition called hypertrophic cardiomyopathy/pulmonary hypertension. When I was 28 I had a pacemaker/defibrillator implanted after 2 attempts. The first attempt had left me clinically dead for 4 minutes and then lead to a emergencey flight and a week in cardiac ICU followed by the 2nd attempt. Sheeesh. This summer I have to go and have my leads and generator changed out and I would be lying if I said I was not scared about it.

This past April I was having a severe shortness of breath. This is not uncommon for me, but it was CONSTANT. So to my cardiologist I went. Turns out that I had lapsed into congestive heart failure. Which, which unfortunately, is inevitable with the condition I have. I just didn't think it would be so SOON or so SUDDEN. At that time my Doc gave me the lecture about having 2 "potentially fatal" problems. My heart, which is partially out of my control and my weight which is making my heart problem worse. Then she mentioned the dreaded "gastric bypass". My history with surgery is far from stellar. Funny, I know, being as I am a surgical nurse, huh? So in MY mind that is just not an option. She freaked out when I asked her about walking and said "now is not the time to start an excercise program....too much strain on your heart". I don't know who I was kidding about the walking anyway. I was getting short of breath changing my clothes. So she suggested SBD which I promptly started on April 18th, 2009.

The personality flaws:
I am an emotional eater. I eat when I am happy, sad, bored, stressed etc. Plus I eat CRAP. And it is not because I don't like healthy food....I really do. It is partially a conveinence thing and partially because I like crappy junk food too.

This is where I struggle. I am a type A, control freak. I am one of those people that gives a hundred and ten percent to anything I do. I HAVE TO BE GOOD AT WHAT I AM DOING. I am a perfectionist. I am telling you. If I counted paper clips for a living, I would be the best damn paper clip counter ever!!! I set unreasonable expectations for myself and others. I know this about myself and really try to keep it in check.

I am self aware enough to know what my issues are and I can even tell you what part of my past caused them.

So how does a person like this end up at 318 pounds?? I can't tell you how frustrating it has been over the last 15 years to watch my weight skyrocket and feel so out of contol. Honestly, it is the worst feeling in the world for someone like me. I have always been the overacheiver and here I can't even seem to get a grip on what I put in my mouth. This has been the ONE issue in my life that I cannot seem to manage. GRRRRRRRRRRR!

So here I sit on day 20 on the beach.

I have to say that it has been really easy to stick with. I have really made up my mind to not be defeated by my own bad habits this time around. I owe it to myself and to my beloved to try to extend my life span as much as possible and the most important step in that process is to improve my health drastically. I really believe I am on the right path.

So in phase one, I lost 20 pounds in the 1st 10 days. Yep, 20. But please note that I am sure that probably all of it was water weight after having my meds adjusted for the heart failure (doubling my diuretic). But let me tell you, my heart is much much happier today and I can actually BREATH again. Breathing is a good thing.

Since day 10 I think I have been gaining and losing the same 2 pounds repeatedly. I did start my period today so I am chalking it up to hormonal fluctuations. Anyways, that is my introduction to this journal. My mom was a HUGE journalist. She journaled about everything. I never have really. But I am going to give this a try.

[brandywine1974]

Morning weigh in: 298

B: 4 slices of turkey bacon
chedder cheese stick
6 cherub tomatoes
V-8
S: handful of mixed nuts
glass of milk
L: Lean hamburger pattie with two slices of swiss cheese
salad with mixed greens/cherub tomatoes/ranch (minimal)
S: celery sticks with wedge of laughing cow cheese
glass of milk
D: (Chili's) Cedar plank tilapia
black beans
broccoli
side salad with ranch
S: glass of milk

Water: at least 8 glasses with lemon

[Kyan]

Hey Brandy!

Twenty pounds is EXCELLENT! You are off to a super start! If there is anything I can do to help you along your South Beach journey, just ask!

[DallasBrownBombshell]

Congrats Brandywine... you are definately off to a good start.

[piranha]

Hello from another New Mexican! I wasn't born and raised here, but I, too, love this little Land of Enchantment! Keep up your awesome work!!!

[brandywine1974]

Thanks Everyone!! You all are very kinds and I have been lurking here a while and learned a lot!
I have to admitt I am excited about this "new me".

Piranha! YEAH!! Glad to see a "local" on the board with me! I hardly ever find fellow NMexicans on the forum boards I visit. I am pleasantly surprised. I spent a lot of time up in four corners when I was younger. Mostly in Aztec which is far from Farmington. We used to go to the "big city" of Farmington to do the grocery shopping when I was up that way visiting family.

I have a girls day planned with a friend today. Time to get my toes done........

[brandywine1974]

Weight: 299.0

B: (Pecos River Cafe) 3 scrambled eggs with salsa, ham, strawberries, v8, water, 1% milk
L: (Red Chimney BBQ) Chef salad with ranch, unsweetened tea
S: Brazil nuts, 1% milk
S: celery with laughing cow cheese wedge, a few snap peas and a few cherub tomatoes
D: (Furrs) grilled chicken, pinto beans, green beans, turnip greens, salad with ranch, water
S: 1% milk

Today I felt pretty good. Took a short nap this afternoone. Had a pedicure this am. No more trashy toes. That always lifts my spirits.

Tonight at dinner I noticed my arms aka my "ham hocks" seem less beefy but a bit more loose.
I am hoping that when I am off my cycle that I will drop some more weight instead of losing this same two pounds over and over since day 10. Sheeeesh.

[piranha]

Gotta love freshly painted toes!

Keep up your clean eating- you're doing awesome!!!

[brandywine1974]

Ugg. I screwed up today and I think it came at the price of cravings. We had planned on going to breakfast this am, but hubby had to run to work and it turned out we didn't eat anything till about noon. I did have a glass of milk this am, but for the rest of the day all I could think about was eating crap I shouldn't have. Plus I was really hungry and kinda crabby the rest of the day. Lesson learned.

Weight: 299 STILL

S: 1% milk
B/L: (Chili's) grilled salmon and shrimp, brocolli, black beans, salad with ranch and no croutons, water. The shrimp tasted particularly sweet so I figured there was a lot of sugar in the marinade that they used. So I only ate a few and passed the rest off to hubby. Maybe this is what triggered the cravings? Note to self: stay away from the shrimp at Chili's
S: almonds, cherub tomatoes
S: ham and swiss roll ups x2, sugar snap peas, milk
D: (Denny's) hamburger patty, side salad with ranch-no croutons, water
S: 1% milk

We spent ALL freakin' day in the sun detailing one of the cars. It was hotter than h*ll, but I drank a ton of water. But now I am sunburned, tired, and cranky. Tomorrow is a new day.
Peace,
B.

[piranha]

This New Mexico sun will kick your arse!! I took the baby for a walk the other day in the stroller and when we got home,I, too, was hot, cranky and just wanted to take a cold shower.

Sorry about that slip- just keep on truckin', baby! You're doing so awesome!!

[brandywine1974]

Piranha, yes the sun will kick ya! I didn't even want to go outside today after yesterday.

Today I was lazy. Had an afternoon nap and did a few chores around the house. No cravings today. Mood was better, but still got a little crabby this evening. Mother's day always kinda sucks for me though. Lost my mom in 2001. She was only 43.

Weight: 298

B: (Roja's) Red chili con carne, salad, 2 eggs, refried beans, water
S: almonds and V8
L: salad with snap peas/green pepper/cherub tomatoes/ranch, immitation crab/lobster/water
S: 1% milk
D: ham, salad with snap peas/cherub tomatoes/ranch, 1% milk, water
S: 1% milk

Peace,
B.

[brandywine1974]

Well, let's see........

Weight: 299

B: 4 slices of turkey bacon, chedder cheeze stick, cherub tomatoes, V8, 1% milk
S: macadamian nuts, water
L: (Chili's) grilled tilapia, broccoli, black beans, salad with ranch/no croutons, unsweetened ice tea
S: 1 cup plain no fat yogurt with 2/3 cup blueberries (mmmm-better than I thought it would be), water
D: grilled sirloin steak, cauliflower/brocolli roasted with olive oil/salt/pepper, water
S: 1% milk

I notice about mid morning I start dragging a little bit. After I ate lunch, I felt much better. I don't know if it was the tea or the carbs from the beans. But I felt even better after I ate the fruit this afternoon. I am supposed to be on phase II but I admit I haven't really added anything back with the exception of one serving of strawberrries last friday. I guess my body is saying it is time to REALLY move to phase II. So starting today I will add 1 serving of fruit everyday and see how it goes this week. I really wish my weight would budge from the 298/299 cycle I have been stuck on since day 11. It is starting to aggravate the crap out of me honestly. Maybe the fruit will kick it in gear.

Told hubby today that when I hit the 50 pound lost mark I am going to get a new tattoo to celebrate.

[piranha]

A new tattoo!?!? I have 7 myself- what ink do you have?? They are so addictive, I'm in the process of planning out my next one. Something to do with my boys or another pin-up.

[brandywine1974]

I have a witch on my back, a tribal cross on my leg that is blue/green (not black), and a really bad, old school tat that I got when I was 18. I love tattoos!! They are addictive. I would have lots more if I could afford it and had some decent looking body parts to put it on. Also, they are not allowed to show at work. We should exchange pics someday. What do you have??

[brandywine1974]

Worked my dog arse off today. I am beat.

Weight: 299

B: 4 slices of turkey bacon, cheddar cheese stick, cherub tomatoes, V8, water
S: handful of pecans, jicama
S: 1% milk (had to snack again because I didn't have time to eat lunch until late afternoon)
L: salad greens, snap peas, cherub tomatoes, immitation lobster, ranch, water
I was still hungry and needed to get my fruit in so I ate 1 cup of plain NF yogurt with raspberries a little later
D: (Roja's) beef fajita meat (with peppers/onions), mixed with a bowl of lettuce and tomatoe, a little bit of guacamole, refried beans, water

I am really full now. I will have a glass of milk later tonight IF I get hungry.

Peace,
B.