I am a creature of habit.
It is in attempting to restructure these habits that I am discovering just HOW habit-bound I truly am. Yesterday was a case in point. I got out of my new habit of exercising first thing in the morning after staying up 'til the wee hours. This led to me deciding to follow my desires for some yummy pancakes (whole-grain and beach-friendly though they were) for breakfast rather than just hitting the basement and getting the workout done. THIS then led to me putting it off all day while working around the house and choosing, as was my old habit, to graze all day on carb-laden stuff. Nothing too bad at first - SB-friendly cereal, then Kashi granola bars, then MORE cereal with milk, then the pancakes left over from the morning ... you get the idea. I really needed someone to call me and say, "Hey! Let's get together at the park," or some other such intervention. What I had was me, home alone with the kids, in the midst of an old-habits-die-hard binge. Add onto that the return of the "well, I've gone this far" mindset and you can imagine how the evening went.
But here's the really great thing - I got up this morning and went down to the basement. I did my 55 minute workout and drank a lot of water. I got myself (and the kids) ready and we got to church on time. After church we went out for lunch at our favorite Chinese buffet. I did NOT fill my plate with every fried, sauce-dripping thing I could find. In fact, I didn't find much to eat - I ended up with a chicken/broccoli thing, some cucumbers from the salad bar and part of a baked sweet potato. I then went to the grill part and filled a bowl with mixed veggies and a little beef, which they then cooked for me (they use water, not oil). Drank some Diet Coke.
AND THAT WAS IT! Not even a fortune cookie!
I'm thankful for this day, for the beautiful sunshine and lack of snow. I'm grateful that every day is a chance to pick myself up and start over again. This is the first time I've attempted to do this while publicly discussing my triumphs and failures, so it's pretty scary - I'm waiting for the flamethrowers to come out, for people to drop by just to inform me of how weak I am, how clearly NOT dedicated I am, etc. Well, I'm here to tell you - I came back. I didn't give myself the whole weekend to continue and plan a fresh start Monday. I didn't post on the boards, seeking absolution. I'm back to keep trying to retrain my brain and body to do something new. And while I'm sure this won't be the last time I make hideously bad choices, I can work to make it happen less and less, to seek other choices, and most importantly, to keep coming back, not to give up when I screw up.
This is a big part of my overall life philosophy, too - that each day, heck, each MINUTE can be a do-over ... that I can start over, make a better choice in how I treat people, deal with situations, etc. Life seems to keep throwing me lessons to learn, and hopefully each day I get a little closer to being the kind of person I want to be someday.
Okay, enough with the philosophizing. I know where I went wrong, I know what I'll do next time, and I'm moving forward. Here's hoping you all (my dear, beloved peeps) had a better Saturday than I did.
Enjoy the rest of the weekend!
Vita brevis ... carpe diem!