now that I know better, I'll do better

[yellobeuty]

Came by to visit with you this morning...hope you are having a great day!

[Searay]

Monday - cold and expecting more snow this week - amazing winter!

The home computer will not work - Verizon tech help wasn't.... claim we need new router, but three other homes on our block are having the same problem with their computer. ?? Trying to get it fixed, but I think it's going to take a while.

Thanks for the encouragement from everyone - I feel life is a big learning experience, but really wanted to push this last year in my 50's in this direction of "who am I?" and see where the search takes me.

I hadn't thought of what brought me back to this board - but it's interesting to see your responses in light of it.

As for speaking from my heart, I was thinking of family - my DH, my kids, family - in particular .... being married 40 years to my DH, we tend to react / speak to each other in a predictable way - we have learned techniques that I think need to change since I'm not feeling heard, and at the same time in some ways, I've stopped listening when I can predict what is going to be said. I'm not sure my DH will "want" to hear some of the things I will say (and not that it's against him, but more how I'm feeling - he gets very uncomfortable with feelings)... but I feel I have to try.

I don't want change in my life that would upset anyone, but at the same time - there are things I have denied myself because I was catering to others and convinced myself what I wanted to do could wait - and I'm thinking it's time to act!

At the same time, I have known "older" people who think it's ok to speak their mind - and it's NOT a good thing... I think there is a fine line that can be crossed - had an incident within my siblings - it was drama filled - normally I would try to soothe some hurt feelings (no matter who was right or wrong) and I decided my sibling could keep her brand of "crazy" and I wasn't going to get involved. I think she was expecting me to be more understanding - or at the least to hear from me. I didn't judge her per se... in my head I said "crazy" and hit my delete key and moved on. It felt GOOD!

[sheri164]

I've learned not to make a choice based on what someone else wants - because when I do that I'm left feeling like I've sacrificed something - and no one appreciates what I've done. Why? Mostly because they didn't know that's what I was doing. Does that make any sense to you? I have learned to say "I'd rather do "x" instead of "y" - but if you have your heart set on "y" we can do that as long as we can do "x" next time. That way, I state my preference, declare I'm making a compromise and get credit for it - and postpone what I want till later - but not give it up entirely. That's a simplified explanation, but I hope you get my drift. Being left feeling resentful, or unappreciated when you've been putting off what you want so others can be happy doesn't work as a long term life strategy.

[lawn_gnome78]

Wow, you are making huge strides already. I adore that you are pensive enough to realize that you are free to voice whatver thoughts you may have, but are aware that you have respect for those you love, and will make editions just enough to not hurt anyone. Love that!

Got mad respect.

[LegalBeagle]

Glad you are here. Good for you for being true to yourself. Sometimes I find that hard as I tend to be a nurtured and worry too much about others' happiness and not enough about my own. I wish you the best.

[Searay]

Hello visitors - LOVE your responses to my thoughts - sometimes I know there is a short circuit in the way my brain works - I will be so close to an idea or answer to something I'm mulling over and then someone here will say exactly what I need to hear to finish my thought.

You know, Sheri - that I appreciate your insight - you get to the core of what I was thinking... I do get caught up on details when trying to come to a decision - and your thoughts bring me around to a conclusion! Thanks!

I am a very respectful person (IMHO) - but if someone needs some tough love, I can dish it out in a loving way. I have learned to be this way as I mature.... my young self always spoke my mind, without thought......... maturity is a good thing! Also with maturity, I have learned to say I'm sorry sooner rather than later - after all, I'm not perfect yet! LOL... (I don't really believe in perfection.)

So last night, I tried to have a conversation with DH - it just came up... the drama I spoke about from one of my siblings was brought up by DH (my daughter told him, as I had put it out of my mind and hadn't planned to talk about it) - anyway, he had a different spin on it - and I voiced my opinion and asked him why he thought differently - you know discuss our feelings.... he left the room soon after without giving me a real answer. LOL - I'm laughing, an inside chuckle to myself - reminds me I have to try harder, but not scare DH off next time!!

I am in a great mood today, my haircut yesterday was WONDERFUL... my hair looks so good today. I was thinking I need to call the stylist and tell her I love it! (this is the third cut I've had from her after many tries at other places and being unhappy for too long with how my hair looked).... made me think how nice it is to thank someone sincerely for a job well done - and how many times we take things for granted.... I've been more aware of gratitude lately - and have tried to remember to let people know I appreciate them. It just makes me feel good.

Considering this IS a healthy eating forum - and my top reason here is to improve my health.... my menu needs help - but here's a start

B/ 2 eggs, 1/2 cup cereal with skim milk, 1 coffee w/hnh
L/ Healthy Choice 260 calorie entree with Light Yogurt
D/ TBD - leftover pork, veggies and something

For today - gratitude for all I have, all I am and all I can be - TG there's time to improve!

[sheri164]

RJ - Hooray for a good haircut. Give that stylist a well-deserved pat ont he back, for sure.

As for your food - it looks worlds better than mine, although I did not eat the Ghirardelli chocolates I was offered at lunch today.

[yellobeuty]

So glad you like your hair cut.

hugs today

[annecolorgreen]

LOOOOVE a good haircut!

[bearbelly]

Thanks for your note RJ - took me a while to find you here - I had been looking back in my original journal here and found that you had posted there in the very early days - but I had forgotten your user name here.

Some very good thoughts - especially on gratitude and maturity. I am sure this change is going to be good for you - sometimes so useful to move forward. I am working on getting out of the rut too -

BB

[Searay]

The best laid plans - dinner was way different than I had anticipated. Yesterday it snowed all day - and although it was beautiful, snow in that amount brings on apprehension about family traveling home from work, the clean up awaiting - what the morning will bring - LACK OF ROUTINE... <sigh> Dinner for me was cheese and triscuits, ww thin bagel / bacon sandwich and healthy choice italian wedding soup with skim milk - AND 2 small pieces of dark chocolate.

On the positive side - I had a job I wanted to get done that I had been procrastinating about - and I changed into grunge clothes (it was a dirty housework job) and got it done! AND I didn't have anything else to eat the rest of the night.

DH is being so careful with his eating due to his recent physical for work that showed high glucose in his urine test. As a result, we're both not eating after dinner! All good.

I need to grocery shop badly - not sure if I'll get out today at lunchtime, but that's the plan. I'm hungry for some roasted veggies.

Sun is out today - we got about 8-9 inches of the white stuff on top of a foot already on the ground - forecast is for another inch over the weekend. It is a very heavy, wet snow - I bet the kids off school today will be making lots of snowmen!

[sheri164]

There is something about snow that screws up so very much in our lives. We have to get up earlier to clear it off the car, drive slower to work, dress differently, etc, etc, I guess eating differently goes along with it.

Glad the snow this weekend is only supposed to be an inch. My ds said he got 21" also, and for the weekend - the inch they've predicted only rates the leaf blower to remove it!!!

[yellobeuty]

GOOD MORNING

[Searay]

TGIF - I'm in a lousy mood for a Friday. Winter dolldrums along with some personal issues, work is slow, this weekend is the 6th anniversary of mom's death and I heard from my youngest sister, who is still at the anger stage in the grieving process - she wants me to answer some questions to help her along, and I'm struggling with my reply...

Will see the twins tonight for a sleepover - they take my mind off my blahs.

Sheri - we were lucky with this last storm, so many got more snow than us. I hear another is on the way this coming week - and until the jet stream changes we can expect the storms to continue...

Good Morning Yello!

RJ

[salmonlady]

Hey I found you!

Can't believe I could remember this stuff after all these years...maybe I'm not as bad off mentally as I thought.
Glad to see you are back on track.
Have a great weekend.

Barb
Salmonlady
Maplover