Starting Over for Life - Kirian's Journal

[Kirian]

As I sit here getting ready to start this journal and thinking about where I have been with diets, I realize something pivotal for me.....I AM A SERIAL DIETER!!! Forgive me for shouting - but this really is a big deal for me to admit to myself. I have been living the last 3 years under the impression that I have been on one long diet the whole time. Boy - was I in denial!

I have to get control of myself and retain that control for good this time. I can't keep on bouncing up and down in weight. It is not good for me, and I know it. This is going to take work...a LOT of work. I know that I have some emotional / mental issues associated with my eating and I need to uncover these and work through them.

My history:
May 2003 I started Weight Watchers - lost 51 pounds, gained 14 when I went back to my old habits.
July 2004 I started South Beach - lost 27 pounds, gained 29 when I again, went back to my old habits.
March 2006 I started South Beach for the last time!

Between July 2004 and now I went from South Beach, then tried to incorporate WW with South Beach. When that didn't work I went back to WW. I have really not been dieting since just before the holidays in 2005.

The 29 pounds I have regained came on slowly over the last year and a half as I bounced from dieting to not dieting. I am SO thankful that I didn't gain more than that!! When I started in May 2003 I weighed in at 295 and weighed in at 260 on March 29th. I am even more thankful and even proud of myself that no matter where I am now I have lost and kept off 35 pounds. That is an accomplishment - a HUGE one for me too.

I really feel like my mind set is different - yes I do say that every time but something really does feel different. South Beach just seems to be coming naturally this time and I feel like I am flowing with it better. I also feel more prepared to commit to this as a change in the way I eat forever and to end my dieting string. I want and NEED to be healthy and the weight loss will be a nice addition to that!

I am going to post what I have been eating so far too. I started writing it down this Wednesday - so I will post the last couple of day. I gave myself the first week without any tracking so that I could adjust to it easier and not obsess over it.

[Kirian]

Wednesday 4/5/06
Breakfast
1 Hard Boiled Egg
1 Cup V8 Juice

Snack
1 Tbsp Natural Peanut Butter
4 Celery Stalks

Lunch
1 Serving Bacon Cheeseburger Cassarole (made with a small amount of bacon bits)
2 Cups Steamed Green Beans
1 Tbsp Smart Balance Light

Snack
2 Tbsp Hummus
5 Celery Stalks
1 Cup FF Milk

Dinner
3oz Baked Chicken
1 Cup Steamed Green Beans
1 Tbsp Smart Balance Light

Dessert
1/2 Cup Part-Skim Ricotta with Baking Cocoa and Splenda

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Thursday 4/6/06
Breakfast
1 Hard Boiled Egg
1 Cup V8

Snack
1/4 Cup Nuts

Lunch
3 1/4oz Fit n Trim Turkey (99% FF - Low Sodium)
1 1/2oz Reduced Fat Provolone
2 Cups Steamed Green Beans
1 Tbsp Smart Balance Light
1 Cup FF Milk

Snack
1 Hard Boiled Egg
1 Cup FF Milk

Dinner
3oz Baked Catfish
2 Cups Steamed Broccoli
1 Tbsp Smart Balance Light

Dessert
1/2 Cup Part-Skim Ricotta with Lemondae Crystal Light

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Friday 4/7/06
Breakfast
1 Hard Boiled Egg
1 Cup V8

Snack
1/2 Cup Low Fat Cottage Cheese

Lunch
3oz Fit n Trim Turkey
1oz Reduced Fat Provolone
2 Cups Steamed Green Beans
1 Tbsp Smart Balance Light

Snack
1/4 Cup Nuts

Dinner
1 Piece Noodleless Lasagna
2 Cups Steamed Green Beans
1 Tbsp Smart Balance Light

Dessert
1/2 Cup Part-Skim Ricotta with Lemondae Crystal Light

[Kirian]

Yesterday was another good day. I really feel so very much on track. One thing about this woe that catches me off guard is how after a brief time on phase one foods start to taste different. I was eating my bowl of broccoli yesterday at lunch and was surprised at how sweet it tasted to me. It was so very yummy!!! Everything just starts to taste better. It is like the sugar and bad carbs alter your taste buds.

Here is yesterdays menu:

Saturday 4/8/06
Breakfast
1 Hard Boiled Egg
1 Cup V8 Juice

Snack
2 Tbsp Natural Peanut Butter
4 Celery Stalks

Lunch
3oz Light Tuna
1oz Reduced Fat Provolone
1 Tbsp Light Mayo
2 Cups Steamed Broccoli

Snack
2 Tbsp Hummus
4 Celery Stalks

Dinner
1 Serving Noodleless Lasagna
2 Cups Steamed Green Beans
1 Tbsp Smart Balance Light

Dessert
1/2 Cup Part-Skim Ricotta with Crystal Light
1 Cup FF Milk

[Kirian]

I am still happily chugging along in Phase One which has almost come to an end. Wednesday will be the first day of Phase Two for me. I have no idea what I am going to add back in yet. I am thinking about a slice of bread with either breakfast or lunch. Either that or an apple. Guess I have to think about it more and decide.

My husband and I had a great talk yesterday about my weight and the issues that go with it. I told him about my realization that I am a serial dieter and how I really want to change it this time. I also told him that I decided if it looked like I was starting to stray or have a hard time that I was going to find someone to help me. I am thinking about either a nutritionist or a counselor who deals with people that have weight issues. Who knows - I may be able to do this with the immense support I get from him....but I may need more. Only time will tell.

Right now I feel great - things are going very well and I am happy with my progress so far. It is great to realize that I do have options too - resources I can reach out to if I need more help along the way.

Here is yesterday's menu:

Sunday 4/9/06
Breakfast
1 Hard Boiled Egg
1 Cup V8 Juice

Snack
1/4 Cup Nuts

Lunch
1 Veggie Burger
1oz Reduced Fat Provolone
2 Cups Broccoli
1 Tbsp Smart Balance Light

Snack
2oz Fit n Trim Turkey
1 Cup FF Milk

Dinner
1 Serving Noodleless Lasagna
2 Cups Green Beans
1 Tbsp Smart Balance Light

Snack
1/2 Cup Part-Skim Ricotta w/ Crystal Light
1 Cup FF Milk

[Kirian]

Well tomorrow marks the start of an exciting new phase in my journey - day one, phase 2! I really had to think about what it was that I was going to add back. I honestly don't miss any of the phase 2 foods. I did finally decide on adding in a whole wheat pita with my lunch. I found these wonderful one's just before I started the beach that have 5g fiber each. They aren't too big and are really soft and taste great. I do admit I am looking forward to it - will be a nice change of pace!

Here is yesterday's menu:

Monday 4/10/06
Breakfast
1 Hard Boiled Egg
1 Cup V8 Juice

Snack
2 Tbsp Peanut Butter
1 tsp Ricotta (ran out of celery and need to "dilute" the pb to eat it easier)
1 Cup Milk

Lunch
3oz Tuna
1 Tbsp Light Mayo
2 Cups Steamed Green Beans

Snack
1 1/4oz Turkey (1 Slice)

Dinner
3oz Baked Chicken
2 Cups Steamed Broccoli
1 Tbsp Smart Balance

Snack
1/2 Cup Ricotta with Almond and Vanilla Extract
1 Cup Milk

[Kirian]

Today is my weigh in day and I lost another 2 pounds for a total of 5 so far!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO I am so unbelievably happy with this! It really is a great start for me and it is nice to see the scale move.

Physically I am really starting to feel the effects too. I am sleeping better and feel less tired during the day. My stomach feels much less bloated and yucky than it did before I started.

Today's the day - phase two here I come!!! After further investigation (reading the nutrition label ) of my pitas I found out that they were completely unsuitable for sb. So, instead, I picked up a great bread I used to eat that is perfect for this woe. I actually used to belong to the paid site and had posted this for one of the nutritionists to look at and they said it passed with flying colors. I must admit I am looking forward to that slice of bread with my lunch today - mmmmm...open faced tuna melt - yummm

Here is yesterday's menu:

Tuesday 4/11/06
Breakfast
1 Hard Boiled Egg
1 Cup V8 Juice

Snack
2 Tbsp Natural Peanut Butter
4 Celery Stalks
1 Cup Milk

Lunch
3oz Turkey
2 Wedges LCL French Onion
2 Cups Steamed Broccoli
1 Tbsp Smart Balance

Snack
2 Tbsp Hummus
4 Celery Stalks
1 Cup Milk

Dinner
3oz Seasoned and Baked Chicken
2 Cups Steamed Green Beans
1 Tbsp Smart Balance

Snack
1/2 Cup Ricotta with Vanilla & Almond Extract

[Kirian]

I had a bit of an aha moment today. I was looking over recipes and thinking about some of the things I ate the last time I was on South Beach. I loved those sugar free chocolates, chocolate bean cake, and other sweets. I would eat things that in a way were replacements for food I ate when I was dieting (ie: chocolate bean cake instead of brownies or cake). I haven't had any of those things this time around and had decided not to. The aha moment came when I realized that by trying to replace the "bad" things I was almost creating a sense of deprivation. I was going to find a way to eat those things if it killed me - so I tried to replace them. However, even though these foods were good they were not the same. In the back of my mind I felt cheated because I couldn't sit down and eat a regular candy bar. That would lead me to eat the regular stuff and then the guilt over eating it and then the downward sprial that followed of me going totally off track!!

I have to face the facts that if I truly want to be healthy and live a good life I will *NEVER* be able to eat a candy bar whenever I want. I am better off knowing this and staying clear away from foods that try to replace those things. After all this is a plan for the rest of my life - not a temporary fix. I need to treat it that way! I may occasionaly get some sugar free popsicles or fudgesicles even pudding now and then. I need to look at them as treats and stick to the *occasional* and not every day. I just can't have these things every day and stay on track. WOW - what a great and important aha moment for me!!!

Wednesday
Breakfast
1 Hard Boiled Egg
1 Cup V8 Juice

Snack
1/4 Cup Nuts
1 Cup Milk

Lunch
3 oz Light Tuna
1oz LF Provolone
1 Tbsp Light Mayo
1 Slice Whole Wheat Bread
2 Cups Steamed Green Beans
1/4 Cup Tomato Sauce (NSA)

Snack
1 1/4oz Turkey (1 Slice)
1 Wedge LCL Garlic & Herb
1 Cup Milk

Dinner
3 1/2oz Chicken
1/4 Cup Tomato Sauce
2 Cups Spaghetti Squash with Garlic & Salt
1/4 Cup Part-Skim Mozzarella
1 1/2 Tbsp Smart Balance

Snack
1/2 Cup Ricotta with Cinnamon and Vanilla Extract

[Kirian]

Hmmmm...not much to say today Things are moving along rather smoothly and I am pleased with that!

Oh - my dinner wasn't the best last night. I was a little heavy in protein and 1 cup light on my veggies. I made Garlic Parm Mashed Cauliflower and I while I doubled the recipe I did not have enough cauliflower to do so (recipe called for 1 med head and I had 2 bags frozen which came out to equal the 1 med head). Everything got doubled but the cauliflower and it tasted very strong - also since it had cheese I didn't want to eat 2 servings of cheese in one sitting so I stopped at 1 cup. Oh yeah - and I did forgot my fat/oil serving last night too.

Thursday 4/13/06
Breakfast
1 Hard Boiled Egg
1 Cup V8

Snack
1/4 Cup Nuts
1 Cup FF Milk

Lunch
1 Veggie Burger
3 Slices Tomato
1oz LF Provolone
1 Slice WW Bread
2 Cups Green Beans
1 Tbsp Smart Balance

Snack
2 Tbsp Hummus
4 Celery Stalks

Dinner
5oz Broiled Lean Steak
1 Cup Garlic Mashed Cauliflower

Snack
1/2 Cup Ricotta with Cinnamon and Vanilla Extract

[DiamondSpark]

Kirian, it sounds like you're doing great so far! You're welcome to post in the 100+ thread any time. It's a good group of people. Happy Easter!

[Kirian]

Kirian, it sounds like you're doing great so far! You're welcome to post in the 100+ thread any time. It's a good group of people. Happy Easter!

Thank you DiamondSpark! Happy Easter to you too!

[Kirian]

Well it seems like the addition of the bread is going ok. I am not completly sure. My tummy has been a bit grumbly but I am not yet certain it is hunger, it seems it may be gas ;S Gonna give it a few more days and see how I feel.

Emotionally I am still doing well. I feel happier than I have in a long time. It is odd but I notice that when I am following SB my mental state is better. I guess it is probablly due to the fact that I am not filling my body with garbage. There is nothing like the guilt that comes with chowing down a box of cookies in one sitting! That will really mess up you're head if you let it.

It feels really good to be taking care of myself!

Friday 4/14/06
Breakfast
1 Hard Boiled Egg
1 Cup V8

Snack
1 Cup Yogurt flavored with SF Jello

Lunch
3oz Tuna
1 Tbsp Mayo
1/4 Cup Part-Skim Mozzarella
1 Slice WW Bread
3 Slices Tomato
2 Cups Broccoli
1 Tbsp Smart Balance

Snack
2 Tbsp Peanut Butter
4 Celery Stalks
1 Cup Milk

Dinner
~1 Cup Chicken Sofrito
2 Cups Green Beans
1 Tbsp Smart Balance

Snack
1/2 Cup Ricotta w/Cinnamon & Vanilla
1 Cup Milk

Misc
~1/3 Cup Chili - Taste testing while cooking for Saturday's dinner. (I like it better the next day )

[Kirian]

Well it seems like the addition of the bread is going ok. I am not completly sure. My tummy has been a bit grumbly but I am not yet certain it is hunger, it seems it may be gas ;S Gonna give it a few more days and see how I feel.

Emotionally I am still doing well. I feel happier than I have in a long time. It is odd but I notice that when I am following SB my mental state is better. I guess it is probablly due to the fact that I am not filling my body with garbage. There is nothing like the guilt that comes with chowing down a box of cookies in one sitting! That will really mess up you're head if you let it.

It feels really good to be taking care of myself!

Friday 4/14/06
Breakfast
1 Hard Boiled Egg
1 Cup V8

Snack
1 Cup Yogurt flavored with SF Jello

Lunch
3oz Tuna
1 Tbsp Mayo
1/4 Cup Part-Skim Mozzarella
1 Slice WW Bread
3 Slices Tomato
2 Cups Broccoli
1 Tbsp Smart Balance

Snack
2 Tbsp Peanut Butter
4 Celery Stalks
1 Cup Milk

Dinner
~1 Cup Chicken Sofrito
2 Cups Green Beans
1 Tbsp Smart Balance

Snack
1/2 Cup Ricotta w/Cinnamon & Vanilla
1 Cup Milk

Misc
~1/3 Cup Chili - Taste testing while cooking for Saturday's dinner. (I like it better the next day )

[Kirian]

Thanks to some advice I got I added some more food to my breakfasts starting on Sunday. I do feel like I have more energy now so I guess it was affecting me and I didn't even realize it!

I think the bread is making me hungry. I have been getting grumbly after lunch and it generally lasts the whole day. I am going to try not eating it tomorrow and see what happens. If I still get grumbly then I know it is either gas from all the veggies or maybe I am still not eating enough?

I am so glad the site is back and running so very, very well. I have 3 days of menu's to post since it has been down.

Saturday 4/15/06
Breakfast
1 Hard Boiled Egg
1 Cup V8

Snack
1/4 Cup Nuts

Lunch
1 Veggie Burger
1oz f LF Provolone
1 Slice WW Bread
2 Cups Broccoli
1 Tbsp Smart Balance
1 Cup FF Milk

Snack
1 Egg
1 Cup FF Yogurt Flavored with Jello

Dinner
1 Cup Chili
1oz LF Cheddar
2 Cups Green Beans
1 Tbsp Smart Balance

Snack
1/2 Cup Ricotta with Baking Cocoa & Vanilla Extract
1 Cup Milk

-----

Sunday 4/16/06
Breakfast
2 Scrambled Eggs
1/2oz LF Cheddar
2 Pieces Turkey Bacon
1 Cup V8

Snack
1/2 Cup LF Cottage Cheese

Lunch
1 Veggie Burger
1 Slice WW Bread
2 Cups Green Beans
1 Tbsp Smart Balance

Snack
1/4 Cup Nuts
1 Cup FF Milk

Dinner
1 Cup Chili
2 Tbsp LF Sour Cream
2 Cups Broccoli
1 Tbsp Smart Balance

Snack
1/2 Cup Ricotta with Baking Cocoa & Vanilla Extract

-----

Monday 4/17/06
Breakfast
2 Eggs
2 Slices Turkey Bacon
1 Cup V8

Snack
Yogurt Smoothie (1 Cup Yogurt Flavored w/Jello & 1 Cup Milk)
1/4 Cup Nuts

Lunch
3oz Tuna
1 Tbsp Light Mayo
1 Slice WW Bread
2 Cups Broccoli

Snack
2 Tbsp Hummus & 4 Celery Stalks

Dinner
5oz Chicken Stuffed with LF Cream Cheese & Roasted Garlic
2 Cups Green Beans
1 Tbsp Smart Balance

Snack
1/2 Cup Ricotta
1 Cup FF Milk

[Kirian]

<begin whine> Ok - so I maintained this week. I would be totally lying if I said this didn't bother me. I know that this can happen from the transition to Phase 2 but I was hoping to keep losing. However, it certainly is better than gaining! I know that this will probablly be the first of many times that this happens. It just sucks to work so hard and not get a result. </end whine>

Ok - now looking at the big picture - I have lost 5 pounds so far which I am very happy with. I also know that I am doing a wonderful thing for myself by eating so much healthier. I really need to remember that on days like this. I have come a long way already - 3 weeks solid of eating good. That is more than I have done in many, many months. I was lucky to go 2 days in a row before on plan (Weight Watchers) so this is certainly awsome progress.

Sucking it up, pulling up those boot straps, and moving foward!

Tuesday 4/18/06
Breakfast
2 Eggs Scrambled
2 Slices Turkey Bacon
1/2oz LF Mozzarella
1 Cup V8

Snack
1/4 Cup Nuts

Lunch
1 Veggie Burger
1 Wedge LCL
1 Slice WW Bread
2 Cups Green Beans
1 Tbsp Smart Balance

Snack
1/2 Cup Cottage Cheese

Dinner
3oz Baked Chicken
2 Cups Broccoli
1/2oz LF Mozzarella
1 Tbsp Smart Balance
1 Cup Milk

Snack
1/2 Cup Ricotta
1 Cup Milk

Snack
1 Cup Milk - I had this just before I went to bed because I was feeling a bit hungry.

[Kirian]

It has been a few days since I journaled. I reloaded my computer and was down for a day and have just been really busy. I have to be careful not to let that get away from me. If I stop journaling for too long I lose some of my accountability. Granted, I still write down what I eat in a notebook I have but there is still something so humbling about making it completly public! It reallys seems to help me stay focused.

On Wednesday I decided to cut the bread out because I felt that it was causing some discomfort and making me hungry not too long after I ate. I was right - it was the bread!! I am very proud of myself for knowing that something wasn't right and working to fix it. I got some good advice to try some WW tortillas or wraps instead and found some really good tortillas at the grocery store. I have been having half of one (one is 2 servings) for the last few days and so far seem to be ok with them! If I am still ok come this Wednesday then it will be time to add in a second Phase 2 item. I think I am going to try an apple next - yummm

This just goes to show that I am sooooo much more dedicated and on track this time. I know what I am doing and have a much better grasp on this. Last time when I moved to phase 2 I added things in too fast and really didn't pay attention to what they were doing to my body. I more than likely reintroduced foods that have a negative affect on my body and just ignored the problem. This lead to cravings and that was the end of that!

I am trying to mix my menu up a bit more too. Part of it was that I had to wait until I went grocery shopping to buy some new things. I did that yesterday and got some good stuff!! I think I am going to roast some black beans today to have for a snack later.

Here are the menus for the last 3 days:

Wednesday 4/19/06
Breakfast
2 Hard Boiled Eggs
2 Pieces Turkey Bacon
1 Cup V8

Snack
1/4 Cup Nuts
1 Cup FF Milk

Lunch
3oz Tuna
2 Cups Broccoli
1 Tbsp Smart Balance
1 Cup FF Milk

Snack
1/2 Cup LF Cottage Cheese

Dinner
Chicken Fajita
---3oz Chicken
---1 Cup Mushrooms & Onions
---2 Tbsp LF Sour Cream
---1/2 WW Tortilla
2 Cups Green Beans
1 Tbsp Smart Balance

Snack
1/2 Cup Part-Skim Ricotta w/ Crystal Light

-----

Thursday 4/20/06
Breakfast
2 Eggs Scrambled
1/2oz LF Cheddar
2 Pieces Turkey Bacon
1 Cup V8

Snack
1 Cup LF Cottage Cheese

Lunch
1 Veggie Burger
1 Wedge LCL
1/2 WW Tortilla
2 Cups Green Beans
1 Tbsp Smart Balance
1 Cup LF Milk

Snack
1/4 Cup Nuts
1 Cup LF Milk

Dinner
1 Cup Wendy's Chili
2/3 Spinach Chicken Salad (mostly chicken & egg)
2 Cups Broccoli
1 Tbsp Smart Balance
1 Cup LF Milk

Snack
1/2 Cup Part-Skim Ricotta w/Baking Cocoa & Banana Extract

-----

Friday 4/21/06
Breakfast
1 Egg & 2 Egg Whites Scrambled
2 Pieces Turkey Bacon
1 Cup V8
1 Cup Milk

Snack
Yogurt Smoothie
---1/2 Cup FF SF Yogurt
---1/2 Cup FF Milk
---3t SF Banana Pudding Mix
1/4 Cup Nuts

Lunch
3oz Tuna
1 Wedge LCL
1 Tbsp LF Mayo
1/2 WW Tortilla
2 Cups Snap Peas

Snack
1/2 Cup LF Cottage Cheese

Dinner
3 1/2oz Catfish
2 Cups Roasted Squash & Zucchini (roasted in olive oil and spices)

Snack
1/2 Cup Ricotta with 1 1/2t SF Cheesecake Pudding Mix
1 Cup FF Milk