HI all! I am so glad that I have this journal. Where else can I vent talk about my diet or just say that I am addicted to nuts? I have to say today pretty much bit. I also have to say that my counselor gets her moneys worth! Seriously you guys could not think I could live this life, this crazy hectic stressful wacked out thing I call life without therapy right? I go faithfully once a week, well unless life prevents it. She is wonderful LOVE HER. She is actually the one who told me about SBD. We are both doing it, so it makes it fun to sneak a little SBD talk into the session. Actually one hour is not enough so you guys get to listen to what I did not get to with her. Sorry! You have to listen to me rant and don't even get paid. I am thankful though
As you know I have a baby newly DX with scoliosis. I get a call two days ago that he is scheduled for a "r____ ultrasound." Do you know I thought the nurse (luckily we are friends) said RECTAL ultrasound and I said Um nurses name (I will call her "sally"), Dr. did not say anything to me about this, (at this point I am crying, bawling, freaked smooth out, can barely talk) and what is this for, "sally" says girl I don't know, but its Friday morning at the hospital. Are you ok, you want me to have Dr. call you back. I said umm "sally" I am not talking him to that so you should probably call and cancel and yes Dr. needs to call me RIGHT away! She said reace what do you think they are gonna do, I said "sally" you know I cannot take him for a rectal ultrasound and what does that have to do with his spine??? She laughed so hard she almost chocked on her chips (must have been lunch time) She said girl I said RENAL R-E-N-A-L not rectal I would not even try to convince you to get that poor baby a rectal ultrasound. So after some big laughs "sally" and I get off the phone.
Then I realize that he is scheduled for this and I have NO IDEA what the heck its for. His doc called me about 15 minutes later (she knows I am a spaz!) and told me that she is concerned that since his heart (he has a huge whole in heart wall and narrowing of an artery which we see cardiologist for all the time...he takes heart meds etc.) his spine (hello scoliosis) and KIDNEYS all form at the same time so there is some concern that his kidneys may have so abnormalities... BIG SIGH, big cry lots of thoughts about ice cream and almonds...chug some water have a hot tea surf the web about the ultrasound and why,get way more info then I wanted. more thoughts only this time its almonds and chocolate...have a fudgcicle and a diet pop.
I often wonder if the old saying "God will not give you more then you can handle" Is just a myth, you know like if you get your belly wet when you do dishes you will marry an alcoholic type thing? I only say this because I am a Christian (although I have not been to Church in a while
) but it seems to me that my plate just keeps getting fuller and fuller and eventually my head will explode. God knows what I can and cannot handle but I am not so sure he's picked the right girl. Sorry more tears (but I am not thinking about food this time)! Both of my boys have problems and what I tell you guys only skims the surface. I could not go into it all cause I am afraid you would think I am a compulsive liar. I promise if I wrote a "Biography" full fact book I would be accused of writting a great work of wacked out fiction. Nobody would believe it.
All that said I feel better. We were supposed to meet with the Occupational Therapist today and she had to cancel...its a good thing cause I was a mess. My X came back from Pakistan last night and I instantly got that oh I am to tired to deal with life feeling. I think I may be allergic to him LOL. He was gone a month and I felt fine, he comes back...poof....to tired to think! Totally kidding, I love him hes great.
Ok back to the issues at hand...food. What did I do yesterday?
B-LF cottage cheese w/cin. and splenda
1/2 can V-8 (yuck)
S-celery and laughing cow light 1 wedge
L- Huge bowl w/baby spinach cottage cheese sun dried tomato turkey
1 TB Ranch then had my fudgcicle
S- none was on my way to airport
D-Huge salad w/spinach a few black olives 5 almonds (My X dished em out for me then hid them at his place LOL 1-2 TB olive oil for dressing ***Can I do that? Use Olive Oil as dressing?
Maybe I did not eat enough again, but with the day I had I am just glad I did not overdo it.
B- 2 eggs, sauteed mushrooms with onions (about a cup)
S-1 oz lf moz. cheese and some sun dried tom. turkey 2-3 oz.
Diet dr pepper w/2 tsp vanilla sf divinci syrup
L-Huge salad baby spinach 1/2 c cot. ch., 1 TB EVOO for dressing and maybe 1 oz shreeded LF moz. cheese 2 oz turkey
D-curried chicken (maybe 3/4 cup and 2 cups baby spinach
(found recipe on this site, pretty tasty I tweaked it a bit but followed
I am gonna try the warm brownie tonight for my sweet treat and may have a turkey roll up b-4 bed.
What do you guys think. I need advice cause I feel full all day but I am not sure I am getting in enough calories. The cheese and oil help but I am not even sure if I should use EVOO for dressing. I cannot stomach full fat ranch and I had been using Light ranch so is the oil a better alt. cause its natural?
Sorry there is no pep in my step tonight. Hopefully everything will go ok tomorrow and my sons Kidneys will check out fine, its pretty routine. I think my problem is the guilt I feel. During the time his spine heart and kidneys were forming (3-6 wk gestation) I was throwing up everything I ate and drank and passing out at random. I am afraid that because of my poor poor nutrition habits, or lack of, he will now be plagued with problems. It just bites thats all. OK done with the whine now i need my cheese! I bet I will not even get the results tomorrow it is gonna be a long weekend. Thanks for listening...cause I know you can always hit that back button and move on lol. Have a great night Reace
***EDITED because I did not look at what I was typing and said strefful instead of stressful. I am a true goof!