Totally off topic...but I need some etiquette help.
We're invited to an engagement party Saturday night. The parents of the bride are college friends of mine, and the party is at their house.
Are we supposed to bring a gift or not? My mother got all bent out of shape a while ago when a young cousin listed the places they were registered on an engagement party invitation, saying that wasn't the right etiquette for an engagement party. That party was a smallish family brunch...really more like a coed shower. As long as I don't get invited to more showers for the same bride, I really think it was fine.
For this one, I just don't know what to do. I don't know that we'll be invited to a shower or the wedding, and I'm happy to bring a gift...but I don't want to if that's not the practice.
One thought was to get something and leave it in the car. If I see there are gifts, I can say, "oops, I forgot my present in the car".
If I do get something, I was thinking something like a simple mikasa bowl or a nice glass serving piece from Crate and Barrel...nothing really major.
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by anneg1116 » Thu Mar 29, 2007 4:42 pm
fab50 wrote:One thought was to get something and leave it in the car. If I see there are gifts, I can say, "oops, I forgot my present in the car".
If I do get something, I was thinking something like a simple mikasa bowl or a nice glass serving piece from Crate and Barrel...nothing really major.
This is exactly what I was thinking. Be prepared and then there shall be no worries.
86 lbs Gone! 
No one can resist the golden lasso.
The triumph can't be had without the struggle.
No one can resist the golden lasso.
The triumph can't be had without the struggle.
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anneg1116 - Posts: 12663
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by Wally » Thu Mar 29, 2007 4:43 pm
Hi FAB!!! I found this online~
Engagement Party Etiquette
Question:
When is the proper time to have an Engagement Party? What is the etiquette on Engagement Parties, do you give gifts?If so, what types of gifts? Should you send a gift if you are not attending?
Answer:
There are two essentials to the proper timing of an engagement party - FIRST - you need to get engaged and - SECOND - both the bride-to-be and the groom-to-be must be present at the event. This may sound pretty dumb (yup, yup, yup) but quite often when a couple gets engaged the fiancé must leave town or the country for a while (or longer).
Engagement parties are NOT held without both members of the engagement being present!!! Once you have the two "basics" out of the way an engagement party really has no "timing" - other than "sooner than later." One of the reasons is that many engagement parties are actually "surprise parties for the couples friends and family" and though it is pretty tough making it a real surprise party, odds are there will be enough friends invited to have at least a partial surprise.
The bride's parents often host this party (surprise of not) and gifts are NOT given at an engagement party. This doesn't mean gifts aren't given - they just aren't given at the party; here's why - tradition has it that engagement gifts usually go to the bride only and are usually only given by family members and very, very close personal friends - these gifts are often mailed to the house or brought along on a personal one-on-one visit. With this gift-giving protocol in mind, if the very, very close friends and family came to an engagement party with gifts in hand it could or would make the other guests uneasy - ergo - NO GIFTS at an engagement party. Do YOU give a gift - figure that even a number of probable bridesmaids wouldn't be expected to give a gift - then - your relationship with the bride-to-be really needs to be very personal and very intimate - otherwise - forget it.
Engagement Party Etiquette
Question:
When is the proper time to have an Engagement Party? What is the etiquette on Engagement Parties, do you give gifts?If so, what types of gifts? Should you send a gift if you are not attending?
Answer:
There are two essentials to the proper timing of an engagement party - FIRST - you need to get engaged and - SECOND - both the bride-to-be and the groom-to-be must be present at the event. This may sound pretty dumb (yup, yup, yup) but quite often when a couple gets engaged the fiancé must leave town or the country for a while (or longer).
Engagement parties are NOT held without both members of the engagement being present!!! Once you have the two "basics" out of the way an engagement party really has no "timing" - other than "sooner than later." One of the reasons is that many engagement parties are actually "surprise parties for the couples friends and family" and though it is pretty tough making it a real surprise party, odds are there will be enough friends invited to have at least a partial surprise.
The bride's parents often host this party (surprise of not) and gifts are NOT given at an engagement party. This doesn't mean gifts aren't given - they just aren't given at the party; here's why - tradition has it that engagement gifts usually go to the bride only and are usually only given by family members and very, very close personal friends - these gifts are often mailed to the house or brought along on a personal one-on-one visit. With this gift-giving protocol in mind, if the very, very close friends and family came to an engagement party with gifts in hand it could or would make the other guests uneasy - ergo - NO GIFTS at an engagement party. Do YOU give a gift - figure that even a number of probable bridesmaids wouldn't be expected to give a gift - then - your relationship with the bride-to-be really needs to be very personal and very intimate - otherwise - forget it.
Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
It'll be, better than before,
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.
~~Fleetwood Mac
Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
It'll be, better than before,
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.
~~Fleetwood Mac
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Wally - Posts: 2893
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by anneg1116 » Fri Mar 30, 2007 10:37 am
Happy Friday! Busy weekend getting stuff ready for Passover? We had a staff meeting scheduled for Monday, until the Powers That Be were informed of Passover and it has since been canceled.
86 lbs Gone!
No one can resist the golden lasso.
The triumph can't be had without the struggle.
No one can resist the golden lasso.
The triumph can't be had without the struggle.
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anneg1116 - Posts: 12663
- Joined: Thu Jul 14, 2005 1:43 pm
- Location: In my invisible jet
by fab50 » Sat Mar 31, 2007 12:38 pm
Thanks Wally and Anne. I ended up getting a vase at Crate and Barrel. It'll stay in the car, unless I see others bringing in presents...kind of wimpy, I guess, but it's a plan.
Other news from yesterday...it was a busy day...I cleaned the fridge, went to Costco and got a few things that made sense to get in Costco quantities for Passover -- carrots, apples, red peppers, eggs, and a whole salmon to make salmon gefilte fish. (a friend's recipe that I had last year and actually liked). Took a trunkful of clothes to donate....old coats, DSS's clothes and some of mine.
Got my car inspected and it failed
turns out the reflector on the fog light is cracked, and that's actually a safety violation. You don't need to have fog lights at all, but if you do, they're subject to the same standards as regular headlights.
Had 2 conference calls...one in the morning and one mid-afternoon...nothing momentous, just time-consuming.
Got my car washed inside and out...it needed it.
Went to the mall and got the Crate&Barrel vase, a bunch of little things at the Discovery Store as Passover gifts for kids, and a dress for myself at Talbots. Didn't actually get the dress. They made a women's size and a miss's size version. The 16W fit, but it was cut higher in the waist and fuller in the sleeves. The regular 16 was the largest size they had in the store, but definitely a better cut for me...true waist and longinsh cap sleeves. I'm pretty sure the regular 18 will fit great, but possibly the regular 20. So I ordered both from the catelog and will return one of them.
After the mall, I went to the grocery store and home for dinner with DH. We had butternut squash soup, steak, and roasted veggies. Then I literally collasped on the couch.
Today will be finishing the kitchen cleanup, making the fish stock for the gefilte fish, a walk, seder planning with DH, and the engagement party.
Tomorrow is cooking -- chicken soup, gefilte fish, layered vegetable kugel, and sephardic charoset (a mixture of dried fruit and nuts). Hopefully with some time for a walk and some fun.
Monday it's work and then to my cousin's house for the first seder, with soup and kugel in hand.
Tuesday it's cooking and preparing for the second seder at our house. (turkey, tzimmes (beef, sweet potatoes, carrots, and dried fruit), a spinach kugel, and asparagus). Guests are bringing the matza balls for the soup and desserts....including fruit.
Wednesday I rest and DSS comes home.
Here's the dress. I tried the link a bunch of times and couldn't get it to work...that's why this post looks like it's been edited so much.
http://www1.talbots.com/talbotsonline/product/largeritem.aspx?BID=&item=E27787&h=M&pfid=2940
Other news from yesterday...it was a busy day...I cleaned the fridge, went to Costco and got a few things that made sense to get in Costco quantities for Passover -- carrots, apples, red peppers, eggs, and a whole salmon to make salmon gefilte fish. (a friend's recipe that I had last year and actually liked). Took a trunkful of clothes to donate....old coats, DSS's clothes and some of mine.
Got my car inspected and it failed
turns out the reflector on the fog light is cracked, and that's actually a safety violation. You don't need to have fog lights at all, but if you do, they're subject to the same standards as regular headlights.
Had 2 conference calls...one in the morning and one mid-afternoon...nothing momentous, just time-consuming.
Got my car washed inside and out...it needed it.
Went to the mall and got the Crate&Barrel vase, a bunch of little things at the Discovery Store as Passover gifts for kids, and a dress for myself at Talbots. Didn't actually get the dress. They made a women's size and a miss's size version. The 16W fit, but it was cut higher in the waist and fuller in the sleeves. The regular 16 was the largest size they had in the store, but definitely a better cut for me...true waist and longinsh cap sleeves. I'm pretty sure the regular 18 will fit great, but possibly the regular 20. So I ordered both from the catelog and will return one of them.
After the mall, I went to the grocery store and home for dinner with DH. We had butternut squash soup, steak, and roasted veggies. Then I literally collasped on the couch.
Today will be finishing the kitchen cleanup, making the fish stock for the gefilte fish, a walk, seder planning with DH, and the engagement party.
Tomorrow is cooking -- chicken soup, gefilte fish, layered vegetable kugel, and sephardic charoset (a mixture of dried fruit and nuts). Hopefully with some time for a walk and some fun.
Monday it's work and then to my cousin's house for the first seder, with soup and kugel in hand.
Tuesday it's cooking and preparing for the second seder at our house. (turkey, tzimmes (beef, sweet potatoes, carrots, and dried fruit), a spinach kugel, and asparagus). Guests are bringing the matza balls for the soup and desserts....including fruit.
Wednesday I rest and DSS comes home.
Here's the dress. I tried the link a bunch of times and couldn't get it to work...that's why this post looks like it's been edited so much.
http://www1.talbots.com/talbotsonline/product/largeritem.aspx?BID=&item=E27787&h=M&pfid=2940
250/180/150
If hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the solution
If hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the solution
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fab50 - Posts: 832
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by anneg1116 » Sat Mar 31, 2007 12:49 pm
Wow - you are busy! Hope all goes well with all the fruit prep! 
And nice dress - very pretty!
And nice dress - very pretty!
86 lbs Gone!
No one can resist the golden lasso.
The triumph can't be had without the struggle.
No one can resist the golden lasso.
The triumph can't be had without the struggle.
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anneg1116 - Posts: 12663
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by fab50 » Sun Apr 01, 2007 6:36 pm
So, most people did bring gifts to the engagement party...I guess it's not your mother's etiquette anymore. I was glad we had one. Two other cars of people arrived at the same time and us, and when I saw them with gifts, we just brought ours in.
Yesterday and today have been productive. I just finished making gefilte fish for the first time ever....salmon gefilte fish, which turned out great...not even too hard or non-beachy (for 1 pound of fish it has 1 parsnip plus 1/4 cup of regular matza meal. Also 1/4 cup sugar in the fish stock for boiling. other ingredients are fish, eggs, carrot, onion, and spices).
Also made this layered vegetable kugel...brocolli on the bottom, carrot in the middle, cauliflower, mushroom and onion on top. The carrot layer has lots of brown sugar, and there's matza meal in all of it...definitely not beachy and tons of work. I hope people like it, and I hope I stay away from more than a small piece.
Time for a walk with the pup, and then back for chicken soup and charoset, as well as clean-up.
Yesterday and today have been productive. I just finished making gefilte fish for the first time ever....salmon gefilte fish, which turned out great...not even too hard or non-beachy (for 1 pound of fish it has 1 parsnip plus 1/4 cup of regular matza meal. Also 1/4 cup sugar in the fish stock for boiling. other ingredients are fish, eggs, carrot, onion, and spices).
Also made this layered vegetable kugel...brocolli on the bottom, carrot in the middle, cauliflower, mushroom and onion on top. The carrot layer has lots of brown sugar, and there's matza meal in all of it...definitely not beachy and tons of work. I hope people like it, and I hope I stay away from more than a small piece.
Time for a walk with the pup, and then back for chicken soup and charoset, as well as clean-up.
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If hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the solution
If hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the solution
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fab50 - Posts: 832
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by LegalBeagle » Sun Apr 01, 2007 10:34 pm
I would wear that dress - it's very pretty and perfect for Spring! You will be lovely in it! 
Wow, Passover sounds like a LOT of work, but the end results will be so worth it! I've been to a seder and it was fantastic!
Wow, Passover sounds like a LOT of work, but the end results will be so worth it! I've been to a seder and it was fantastic!
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"Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your Vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your Ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil." - James Allen
"Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your Vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your Ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil." - James Allen
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by fab50 » Thu Apr 05, 2007 12:37 pm
Back at work from the holiday, which was good.
Both seders were great...the first at my cousin's and the second at our house.
The seder at our house was terrific -- the discussion, singing and energy were wonderful. I was concerned, bringing my more traditional friends together with my less traditional family, but it really went well. Food was great, too. Two new recipes for me -- the layered vegetable kugel and the salmon gefilte fish, were both total hits.
My own eating was pretty good, until yesterday afternoon, when I went way overboard with leftovers and matza. I didn't even eat dinner, I was so full, except for some leftover turkey at about 9:00 pm.
Today's the day when the plan is to be on track, at least in how I structure my meals and snacks, even if some of the food isn't totally beachy. My breakfast was a red pepper, two hard boiled eggs, and a passover muffin (not beachy, but more savory than sweet).
I have with me a sf yogurt, some matza, chicken, fruit salad, a little cheddar cheese, and salad dressing. I'll get salad veggies from the cafeteria. That'll be snacks plus lunch. Dinner tonight is a big bowl of chicken soup with a matza ball, boiled chicken, carrots, and onions. Maybe the leftover asparagus too (really good, with lemon juice, lemon zest, olive oil, and fresh mint leaves).
Work calls.
Both seders were great...the first at my cousin's and the second at our house.
The seder at our house was terrific -- the discussion, singing and energy were wonderful. I was concerned, bringing my more traditional friends together with my less traditional family, but it really went well. Food was great, too. Two new recipes for me -- the layered vegetable kugel and the salmon gefilte fish, were both total hits.
My own eating was pretty good, until yesterday afternoon, when I went way overboard with leftovers and matza. I didn't even eat dinner, I was so full, except for some leftover turkey at about 9:00 pm.
Today's the day when the plan is to be on track, at least in how I structure my meals and snacks, even if some of the food isn't totally beachy. My breakfast was a red pepper, two hard boiled eggs, and a passover muffin (not beachy, but more savory than sweet).
I have with me a sf yogurt, some matza, chicken, fruit salad, a little cheddar cheese, and salad dressing. I'll get salad veggies from the cafeteria. That'll be snacks plus lunch. Dinner tonight is a big bowl of chicken soup with a matza ball, boiled chicken, carrots, and onions. Maybe the leftover asparagus too (really good, with lemon juice, lemon zest, olive oil, and fresh mint leaves).
Work calls.
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If hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the solution
If hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the solution
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fab50 - Posts: 832
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by anneg1116 » Fri Apr 06, 2007 11:36 am
So glad to hear that the seders went so well for you this week, and that your recipes were a hit! Nice!
And it's good that you are working on the consistent eating thing, and not just eating whenever. Being good with the timing and not just randomly eating can be a big help in & of itself.
Happy Friday!
And it's good that you are working on the consistent eating thing, and not just eating whenever. Being good with the timing and not just randomly eating can be a big help in & of itself.
Happy Friday!
86 lbs Gone!
No one can resist the golden lasso.
The triumph can't be had without the struggle.
No one can resist the golden lasso.
The triumph can't be had without the struggle.
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anneg1116 - Posts: 12663
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by ladybugnessa » Fri Apr 06, 2007 12:43 pm
I'm glad the Seders went well. I cannot see doing SBD during Pesach...
mazto meal pancakes were a fav growing up
and my mom made us peanut butter and jelly on matzoh which was before I knew you could not have peanuts during passover.
I heard that Quiona is allowed on passover as it's not truly a grain....
and Brooke Passover is the biggest labor intensive holiday there is if you do it orthodox style because you have to deep clean the house top to bottom and get rid of every last crumb from the previous year. people start cleaning for passover right after Purim.
mazto meal pancakes were a fav growing up
and my mom made us peanut butter and jelly on matzoh which was before I knew you could not have peanuts during passover.
I heard that Quiona is allowed on passover as it's not truly a grain....
and Brooke Passover is the biggest labor intensive holiday there is if you do it orthodox style because you have to deep clean the house top to bottom and get rid of every last crumb from the previous year. people start cleaning for passover right after Purim.
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ladybugnessa - Posts: 22338
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by fab50 » Tue Apr 10, 2007 1:35 pm
Last day of Passover...finally.
It hasn't exactly been a great SBD success. I even had some sweets, for the first time in 10 months, which I don't feel very good about. And Passover sweets are just not worth it...though we did have some good dark chocolate.
Tomorrow I go to the doc for my BP and cholesterol check...bad timing, with all of the eggs and oil I've had this week, and the weight gain of the past few months....oh well, maybe it'll be the motivator to get back on track....something has to be.
Oh, and my treadmill is broken...the motor seems to have died...I'm not sure if DH will be able to fix it.
Otherwise, I'm fine....really not bad....mood is pretty level lately...had a relaxing weekend...DSS has been pretty good since coming back from time with his mom....work is going pretty well....DH and I went to see "the Namesake" this weekend. I liked the movie, but not as much as the book...we're getting our new garage doors today (to replace the one I drove part way through this winter, trying to exit a closed garage).
It hasn't exactly been a great SBD success. I even had some sweets, for the first time in 10 months, which I don't feel very good about. And Passover sweets are just not worth it...though we did have some good dark chocolate.
Tomorrow I go to the doc for my BP and cholesterol check...bad timing, with all of the eggs and oil I've had this week, and the weight gain of the past few months....oh well, maybe it'll be the motivator to get back on track....something has to be.
Oh, and my treadmill is broken...the motor seems to have died...I'm not sure if DH will be able to fix it.
Otherwise, I'm fine....really not bad....mood is pretty level lately...had a relaxing weekend...DSS has been pretty good since coming back from time with his mom....work is going pretty well....DH and I went to see "the Namesake" this weekend. I liked the movie, but not as much as the book...we're getting our new garage doors today (to replace the one I drove part way through this winter, trying to exit a closed garage).
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If hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the solution
If hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the solution
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fab50 - Posts: 832
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by anneg1116 » Wed Apr 11, 2007 10:54 am
Trying to exit a closed garage - oops!
Hope all goes well with the Dr. visit today.
Hope all goes well with the Dr. visit today.
86 lbs Gone!
No one can resist the golden lasso.
The triumph can't be had without the struggle.
No one can resist the golden lasso.
The triumph can't be had without the struggle.
-
anneg1116 - Posts: 12663
- Joined: Thu Jul 14, 2005 1:43 pm
- Location: In my invisible jet
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