The Tipping Point

[thisteensy]

I promise to try not to be so compulsive about the scale. It certainly doesn't help anything.

Work yesterday. 12-8pm. 12-1 staff meeting. 1-8 booked solid. 13 patients. From three o'clock on I had no help in the back. The tech who was supposed to work had car trouble. Our patient services manager graciously agreed to stay to answer the phones and check the patients in, but she doesn't know anything about the back of the house. My job on a busy day is still only considered lightly active. I might be on my feet most of the day, but I'm not swinging a hammer, or lifting heavy things. Yesterday was more like a 6 hour brisk walk. Luckily I wore running shoes. Best case scenario for my feet, but I was tired, hungry and dehydrated at the end of it. Got home around 845. Watched House on Hulu while I ate dinner (leftover chili and a glass of red wine), finished my charts from work, and went to bed at 11. I'm surprised I made it that late. Back to work today from 8-4. I am a professional. I got the job done, but it fried me. I must have slept pretty much in the same position all night. I have a little rat's nest in the back of my head, and my back was cranky this morning. This company owes me. I work my ass off. I take all the crap when day care falls through my other colleagues. I cover vacations. I never call in. The clinic is profitable, and it wasn't before I got there, and I haven't had a raise in two years. I won't be there much longer, because I'm moving to the other side of the country, but they owe me something before I go, even if it's only for 4-5 months.

[thisteensy]

Today I did not weigh myself. I think I will try to wait until next week to do it. I'm in this weird place with my clothes, where every thing is loose, so it's hard to tell if it's more loose than before, or not. I need to just focus on the path and not on the progress.

Work is still killing me. No tech, again, for 4 hours yesterday. Couldn't finish my charts last night, because our internet was down. I'll be back at it again from 12-8 today, booked solid with one double booking. New patients keep coming, and there is nowhere to put them in the schedule. I have to take two classes in order to get my license in Oregon, both huge. 4-credit classes with labs. 4 hours each morning M-F, then working from 12-8, except Friday. I'm taking half days off on Friday so that I don't lose my mind. 10 weeks. Starts May 29th. You may be hearing less from me in the future.

[thisteensy]

OMG. This week is finally over...except that it isn't. I'm taking a shoulder course over the weekend, which means, essentially, working all weekend. Next week is shaping up to be even crazier...and they just keep coming. I'm pretty sure I set a personal record for patients seen in one week, and part of that time I was alone without support from a tech.

So when I tell you that I ate 5/8 of a large thin crust pizza on Wednesday night, you have to remember that I do not have a sedentary job. Working that hard for me is like a 10 mile walk. It was my night to cook, and I just couldn't do it. I was so tired that I managed to completely miss my husband walking right past me and up the stairs. I saw some shadows moving in the stairwell and called his name. When I told him I didn't know he was up there, he said, "I just walked right past you." The internet was out that night, too. I just fell asleep on the couch pretending to read Midnight's Children.

The rest of the week was pretty good SB-wise. I managed to stick to my plans for the most part, although I just had a really weird snack of a bit of cottage cheese, a bit of turkey and about 8 almonds and a double glass of wine.

On a side note that I have been meaning to mention, ever since I started this diet, I keep waking up with this feeling in my mouth like I have been eating paper. It's just completely dry in there, like I'm pretty sure you could write on the inside of my cheek with a ball point pen. Fascinating!

Haven't weighed myself since Tuesday.

[thisteensy]

So, of all things, in order to finish the course early, so that the instructor could catch his flight, the decision was made to order pizza in for lunch. Luckily this was announced yesterday, and... I DID IT. I avoided the pizza monster. From the safe harbour of my high fiber, high protein salad and V8 juice I was able to see this menace for what it really was, instead of what it represented. It even looked like a particularly sad pizza, but in the past it would not have mattered. Diet tragedy avoided.

This is going to be a rough week at work. Staffing-wise we're a little better off (so far), but schedule-wise its as bad or worse than last week. I've given up any hope of having actual time to sit down and eat a proper meal. I've taken to eating in front of the patients while they do their exercises. My boss doesn't care. Patient's don't seem to care. In fact, they feel sorry for us. Bottom line, the company doesn't care about anything but visit numbers, so since I also have an obligation to myself to eat REAL FOOD, I will eat my salad. And I will not apologize for it.

Tonight it might be stir fry, or it might be hotdogs and some kind of salad or beans or mashed cauliflower. I'm not cooking. Dude knows the rules. He's been pretty good about the cooking, even though he's not on the diet. Last week, though, he made a stir fry with this sweet Indonesian ketjap manis soy sauce, AND sweet chili sauce...something didn't click in his head, I guess, about the whole sugar thing. There haven't been any starches at dinner in a long time. This is a big change for us. When we first moved here, a healthy night was pasta with red sauce. That seems so hard to believe, now, when we're literally having trouble fitting all of the veg into the fridge, and leaving nothing behind at the end of the week.

[thisteensy]

B: Strawberries with greek yoghurt
S: almonds?
L: salad with HB egg, garbanzos, avocado, feta, lettucetomatocucumber (LTC)
S: babybel light + V8
D: probably hot dogs beans and salad

Waiting until tomorrow to weigh myself.

On my birthday, I am going to find the most delicious, extravagant bowl of macaroni and cheese on earth and eat the hell out of it.

[bethy]

(oh god, she said the A word, run)

[thisteensy]

I only eat the undelicious raw kind, and only for medicinal purposes.

The turkey goes. I just read that it's only safe for 4 days max. I roasted it a week ago, and ate some on Sunday. I lived to tell the tale, but (DUH) how did I not know that!? This explains a lot about my childhood.

[SBMike]

Have you noticed any green fuzzy stuff growing on your forehead? If not, you're probably safe.

[thisteensy]

OMG (she said indignantly)!!

I keep having thoughts like, "I've been so good. I can have a real beer." What phase is that?

[bethy]

It's the entitlement phase, beware. You deserve beer, I deserve almonds. I wish I could feel so deserving about veggies.

[thisteensy]

What if only eat lean protein with the beer? Something tells me not what the doctor had in mind. But then why do they call it a medicinal beer?

[Chris55]

How about just veggies with the beer? No, you cannot count the hops.

[thisteensy]

Just veggies? Don't I have to balance the carbs with protein to slow down the liver thingy? Maybe I'm thinking of another diet...

[Chris55]

Lots of veggies with a little lean protein. No grains or starchy carbs, there's enough of that in the beer. Definitely need to have something or you'll get too loopy and then your blood sugar will crash. Something you can munch slowly while you imbibe. Maybe veggies and hummus. Definitely not an open can of nuts. Been there, along with Bethy, not a good idea.

[thisteensy]

Thanks for the advice. I think the thing I miss the most is real beer. I like wine, but it's not me. Not like a good micro brew. I drank mine with a lovely lentil and celeriac dish. There were hazelnuts in it, too, but not enough to be dangerous.

Good news. The not weighing myself every day deal has worked. I have officially gotten off the 155 mark. I guess that thing about watching the pot was true...