Help! Fridge and Cabinet Drama!

[KendallFore23]

I really need some advice, so whoever you are please take the time to help me out.I am living with my mother right now, she is helping support my daughter and I while I go back to work and school. I love her very much. However, we argue about what lies in the fridge and the pantry. She was thin her whole life, and was accustomed to eating whatever she wanted without gaining an ounce. Now she is 46, and is beginning to get a belly on her. She complained to me one day that she looked pregnant. She said she thinks she needs to exercise more. In actuality, my mother is on the move all the time. But she eats food that people who are typically obese eat. She eats out every single day, no matter whats in the fridge. About once a week she will eat at home. I'm talking a gallon of whole milk every two days, pasta, large amounts of bread and cheese, deep fried junk food, the list goes on and on. I have been overweight my whole life. Not to play the blame game, but looking back, both my mother and my father fed me crap in a can and just plain crap. I am not trying to dishonor my father or mother. I just need advice. I made many poor choices when I was a teenager. I got pregnant unmarried, and I became morbidly obese and miserable. It didn't work out with the father, and I was fat and alone with a child. I was introduced to methamphetamine, which seemed to take all my problems away at first. At 250 lbs on a 5 foot 2 frame, I could keep up at work and at home while shedding pounds like magic. I went from 250 to my current weight(147) over the course of 2 years, with periods of clean time. Meth began to ruin my life,and ultimately brought me to my knees. I looked up, and turned my life over to the Lord Jesus. My mother knows how miserable I was when I was obese. She knows how my self esteem declines when I become heavier. It is very hard to keep the weight off now that I am clean from meth. Not only that but I am on antidepressants that normally account for a 20 lb on average gain. I asked her when we got our food stamps to make me a list of the foods she would like me to buy for her. I told her that I must buy more healthy food for myself, including ground turkey, vegetables, almond flour, etc... She never made me a list. So I guessed what she would like. It wasn't good enough for her. She got very angry looking through the cabinets, shouting. "What is there to eat in this place?" Then a mutual friend of ours confessed to me that I was irritating my mother, and that she believed I was selfish for buying healthy food and not buying anything she likes. I was very upset and angry when I heard this. I had bought her hamburger, deli meat, rich dips with cheddar cheese chips, brownies,etc. She didn't even TOUCH them. They sat in the house, torturing me, calling out to me, tempting me. I ended up being the one eating these things after two weeks of her not touching them. After my binge, thats when I found out she was angry with me about the diet food. It makes me feel like she doesn't care about my health or that of my daughter at all. She thinks that when I feed my daughter healthy food, it is an insult to the way she parented me. Well, I used to feed my daughter nothing but chicken nuggets, french fries,tater tots, PB&J,spaghettios, mac n cheese...all because I didn't know any better. I'm not trying to insult her, but it is her own mind convicting her. What can I do to resolve this situation? I have thought about packing a big cooler with new ice every day, but our aparment is already too small for our things. I'm getting so desperate that I think about storing my food in my car for the winter! There has got to be a better way. Also, eating healthy is very expensive. No one can deny that. Its so hard to afford two different diets. There's just too many angles, what do I do??

[Magna]

Also, eating healthy is very expensive. No one can deny that.

It doesn't need to be expensive - in fact, if you give it some effort, you can spend less eating healthy than eating junk food. There's a discussion in the "South Beach Diet" section called "Frugal SBD" that you might want to look at.

[KendallFore23]

Thanks for that,I will check it out. I have read many articles and mailouts and spent whole days comparing prices at different grocery stores to find the best deals. Coupons usually do me no good unless the product I need has no store brand. But sometimes the store brand is even more pricey! I come from Springfield, MO and the same amount of money went SOOOO much farther than it does in St. Louis. In fact, the last time I visited family down there I did all my shopping and loaded it into a cooler and drove back up! LOL. I am hoping what you posted will help me further, thankyou.

[JeanieBrown]

Getting here kind of late, but wanted to say something in case this is still an ongoing problem. It sounds to me as if your mother is dealing with feelings of guilt from the way she raised you and projecting those outside herself as if, by doing differently, you were affirming the criticism of society. And it also could be (though I don't know this) that the way you present the issue might reinforce this, so that when you ask her for a list of the food she wants, this gets translated in her brain into "I am going to eat healthy, but tell me the disgusting crap you want and I'll get it for you, you pig." I don't know if there's any solution to this other than to sit down and get everything into the open. You DO in fact think she raised you on an unhealthy diet, and you DO want to do things differently for your child. And you're right.

[Southern_Charm]

This response too comes a little late. But, Id just like to say first of all. Accepting the Lord in your life, great for you! Thats the most important and best decision anyone could ever make. Second, good for you for turning your addictions around. That was huge in itself. I dont know you, but for that, Im very proud of you.

You mentioned your mom being able to eat basically whatever she wants without gainning. Though, we'd all just love that wouldnt we? lol But, Im no doctor but the people we see like that that still eats the "garbage" , just because they look healthier probably doesnt always mean they are.

Dont let your mom and her frusterations with your food choices or the fact she doesnt like the things you buy or complains, bother you. You still do what you need to do for you. Im sure its difficult to have two menus in the house. It makes for an even harder weight loss struggle Im sure. But keep at it. I think you have the right attitude. Also, understand your mom just doesnt get the healthier way of eating yet. Dieting in my oppinion just wont happen if you dont have the right attitude. Until you begein to see what you were eating as junk, or until you really have the different mind set, it will never work. Probably all of us here had a mindset like your mom that it was no big deal to eat the "old stuff". Nobody probaly could have affected OUR thinking to do this SBD until We had the right mindset and so likely your mom wont either see or understand where you are comming from. She may not have as much of the "visible" signs that most of us have probably but Id say people that eat the garbage but gain not much weight still probably arent healthy on the inside. But, Im no doctor.

As far as the issues with your child. You keep doing that. Keep trying to show them the "right" ways. Your mom might feel convicted, or she might even really think its over the top, again back to her mindset perhaps. But your obligation to your child is to show it the right ways of things. So you keep doing that and feel good about it.

Though, its difficult to live the lifestyle habbits different from your mom and makes for a harder battle. Keep doing it. You will be a good example to them. And, eventually I bet you might even win her over in her thinking.... not with your words so much but by her seeing your determination, your new habbits and how they will work for you. Lead your daughter and mom by example.

But again, proud of your kicking the drug problem. Very proud of you! And having Jesus in your life, thats the best part. Welcome to the family. :O)