| rainbow~beach
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Grr.
Bit of history - I have always been overweight, my lowest (as an adult) was 182 lbs, and my highest was 315 lbs. I used to be a SBDer, but fell OFF the wagon due to too many health issues and no time for me. Since hitting my highest weight, I joined WeightWatchers in July last year, and lost 28 lbs (that's 2 stone in Olde English money for us Brits 8) ) from July to December 2007. I was (and still am) VERY proud of that achievement. I've NEVER lost that much weight during one "diet" before.
Then came Christmas, so I overindulged and gained back 14 lbs. I jumped straight back on the WW wagon, and took about 6 weeks to lose that 14 lbs.
Now, I am getting married this Saturday (10th May), so after I shed those Xmas pounds, I went for a dress fitting. I'm not having a bog-standard dress, I had a corset and skirt custom-made to my own measurements, and the corsetier warned me that a loss or gain of more than 7 lbs would mean that my corset would no longer fit to my ORIGINAL measurements, and would NOT be able to be made bigger or smaller. Any significant loss or gain would mean a BRAND NEW corset, starting from scratch. No problem, I started maintaining, knowing that any big change in my weight would cost me a few 100 ££s!! :shock:
Anyway, so I told my H2B (husband to be) this, and he seemed happy enough at the time. Since then I have collected my outfit after a final try-on (the corsetier said I've LOST a couple of inches, and was worried it would be TOO BIG! :o ) and I'm still very pleased with it.
BUT. My H2B - as much as he loves me and is usually very sweet - keeps saying that I should have lost more than 28 lbs in those inital 5 months of WWing, and I should have lost more SINCE Xmas, and why am I not losing now....and however much I tell him that MAINTAINING is SO much better than GAINING, he just doesn't agree! He sees "success" as weight loss, and the more you lose, the greater the success. He doesn't see "maintaining" the same weight a SUCCESS - even though I've spent most of my life GAINING weight and I'm pretty darn proud of myself for staying the same since February...
ARGH! :evil:
Thanks for letting me rant :oops: |
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Mon May 05, 2008 6:47 pm |
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| ladybugnessa
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oh are you SURE you want to marry him????
seriously... i would never be married to a man who criticized me.
i'm sorry he's being a jerk. |
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Mon May 05, 2008 8:30 pm |
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| DebbyC
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ladybugnessa wrote: oh are you SURE you want to marry him????
seriously... i would never be married to a man who criticized me.
i'm sorry he's being a jerk.
ditto - seeing red flags all over that one....
Rainbow, tell him to act like a human and if he can't he doesn't deserve you. let me guess, he's buff and perfect in everyway, never had an off day or a zit.... [yes, it is clear why I am divorced!!!! :lol: ] |
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Mon May 05, 2008 8:50 pm |
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| unsaturatedfattie
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| Wow, you said he is generally very sweet? I lost 80 pounds over a year ago and I've been through some pretty traumatic things, so even though I have about 60 pounds left to lose, I'm so, sooo proud of myself for maintaining, so I know how you feel. My family, after the big wow of seeing me lose that weight, seems pretty dissappointed any time they see me just as I am, unchanged. I say screw them. They don't know how emotional it is to change so drastically and how dissappointed you become from their dissappointment - maybe you should let him know that if he plans on supporting you the rest of your life, now wouldn't be a bad time to start. I'd like to see him push away the things that help him through a day (for us, food) sometimes and still try to feel good about it. I'm pissed off on your behalf. |
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Mon May 05, 2008 8:55 pm |
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| megnliz
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I understand where you're coming from. Sometimes, guys just see things different, if they arn't in your shoes. Anyway, guys usually don't understand dresses, sewing, tailoring, etc...he's just not gonna get it :?
When I told my fiance that I gained 20lbs since the summer, and all together was 40lbs overweight, and I was going on a diet, his reacton??::..."that's stupid"
I was a little mad, but I just took the time to explain it to him. He's totally supportive of it now, and has infact followed my eating habits, not to loose weight, but to help him get back in shape.
So the point is...he might not see things your way right now, but he gets to marry you, and see you look gorgeous on the big day, in the end, he'll be fine...so he might wanna shut up, and let you be happy with what you're doing. :D
So congrats on maintaining a healthy weight for 3 months!! And all in all, if he treats you well, but just sees things a little different than you, live hapily ever after :D |
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Mon May 05, 2008 9:28 pm |
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| pedsrn
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i wouldnt be happy if my husband emphasized these points in me. As it is, its hard to lose weight. Who wants a husband who isnt supportive and complimentary?
Congrats though... |
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Tue May 06, 2008 7:08 am |
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| rainbow~beach
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ladybugnessa wrote: oh are you SURE you want to marry him????
seriously... i would never be married to a man who criticized me.
i'm sorry he's being a jerk.
I think part of the problem is that he hasn't managed to lose weight for the wedding (he needs to lose about 30 lbs) and he's worried what we'll look like in the wedding photos :roll: He doesn't usually criticise, it's just he can't understand why I didn't carry on losing weight after my first 28 lbs.
I have another LOAD to shed (approx 160 lbs!!!) and P1 starts for BOTH of us when we get back from our honeymoon! |
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Tue May 06, 2008 11:15 am |
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| rainbow~beach
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DebbyC wrote: ladybugnessa wrote: oh are you SURE you want to marry him????
seriously... i would never be married to a man who criticized me.
i'm sorry he's being a jerk.
ditto - seeing red flags all over that one....
Rainbow, tell him to act like a human and if he can't he doesn't deserve you. let me guess, he's buff and perfect in everyway, never had an off day or a zit.... [yes, it is clear why I am divorced!!!! :lol: ]
LOL! My ex was FOREVER criticising EVERYTHING about me - I couldn't do or say anything right, and got really angry that I couldn't/wouldn't get my weight lower than 200 lbs "for him" :shock:
Hence why he's now my EX :lol: |
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Tue May 06, 2008 11:22 am |
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| rainbow~beach
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unsaturatedfattie wrote: Wow, you said he is generally very sweet? I lost 80 pounds over a year ago and I've been through some pretty traumatic things, so even though I have about 60 pounds left to lose, I'm so, sooo proud of myself for maintaining, so I know how you feel. My family, after the big wow of seeing me lose that weight, seems pretty dissappointed any time they see me just as I am, unchanged. I say screw them. They don't know how emotional it is to change so drastically and how dissappointed you become from their dissappointment - maybe you should let him know that if he plans on supporting you the rest of your life, now wouldn't be a bad time to start. I'd like to see him push away the things that help him through a day (for us, food) sometimes and still try to feel good about it. I'm pissed off on your behalf.
Yep, this is exactly it! I'm sure he expected me to continue losing, and in his mind I should be losing even now, but he's not seen any difference since Xmas... |
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Tue May 06, 2008 11:30 am |
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| ladybugnessa
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rainbow~beach wrote: ladybugnessa wrote: oh are you SURE you want to marry him????
seriously... i would never be married to a man who criticized me.
I'm sorry he's being a jerk.
I think part of the problem is that he hasn't managed to lose weight for the wedding (he needs to lose about 30 lbs) and he's worried what we'll look like in the wedding photos :roll: He doesn't usually criticise, it's just he can't understand why I didn't carry on losing weight after my first 28 lbs.
I have another LOAD to shed (approx 160 lbs!!!) and P1 starts for BOTH of us when we get back from our honeymoon!
OK he has not managed to lose his weight and yet he's ragging on you for not losing more than he has to lose all together...
please. i was nearly 300 pounds when I married my 420 pound husband and that's one awesome looking couple in our wedding pictures. Love shows past a lot of stuff....
I still see a lot of problems ahead for you with a man who criticises you when he can't even manage to do what he's criticising you about.
I wish you a lot of luck, i fear you are going to need it down the road. |
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Tue May 06, 2008 11:35 am |
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| wileybosco
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| The woman is getting married in 5 days. A hectic time and usually a cause for people to say foolish things under stress. We are so quick to judge strangers and relationships and compare them to our own. |
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Tue May 06, 2008 11:40 am |
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| oldpjams
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women = empathizers
men = fixers |
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Tue May 06, 2008 1:13 pm |
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| wileybosco
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| m e n = t r o u b l e !!!!! |
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Tue May 06, 2008 1:18 pm |
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| oldpjams
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| My other thought was that since men can't say anything right anyway, we may as well give up and say what's on our minds and save ourselves the effort. ATMO. |
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Tue May 06, 2008 2:35 pm |
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| Donnakk
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Rainbow!
You will make a beautiful bride, I just know it!
I have been married over 40 years now and at times need to "vent" also! The other day DH reminded me that our scale was off and at first I was boiling, then I cooled down and told him I already knew this and that he should not rain on my parade! That was all that was said! Then today he told me he could tell I had lost some weight!
At times we all say things that hurt, I know I do too! We just can only do our best in this life and in our marriages too!
I wish you all the best in the many years to come together!
See you on the beach! 8) |
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Tue May 06, 2008 11:47 pm |
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