| colorlvr
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Thank you all, again, for your posts.
Oldpjams - hehe... yes, nothing rougher than a mothers (or fathers!) "claws"!
Alas... I am not offended in the slightest by anything any of you have said. |
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Thu Mar 06, 2008 1:27 pm |
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| ladybugnessa
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colorlvr wrote: Alas... I am not offended in the slightest by anything any of you have said.
that's a good sign really! |
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Thu Mar 06, 2008 1:37 pm |
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| AleciaBneedstobefreed
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Oh honey, I feel your pain through these posts that you write. I can tell you feel trapped. Look at my screen name. It says it all. I can also tell you that I started my journey in September of 2005 and I have lost 75 pounds. I can tell you.... It is the hardest and most thoroughly enjoyable thing I've done for ME. Being a stay at home Mom to 3 kids I found it easy to do everything for everyone else and forgot about ME. When I came to grips with what I had to do and how I was going to do it, I realized that I had to do something for ME or the whole ship would slowly sink. I am the captain and my self loathing and hate was threatening alot more than my health. I am by no means perfect but I am improving, revising and thinking about my goals every day. It takes alot of strength for some of us to grab ahold of what we really want because we are afraid we will fail. I say SO WHAT! You get back up and shove on. You are the only one who can control your life and life goes on.
I had the same issues with feeding my kids and still do. I caved and let my little one (she's 3) eat cinnamon roll thingies at McDonald's the other day. I felt bad about it and I'm glad I did. It taught me that I have come a long way and that sometimes I'm weak and I must stay strong. Your kids will eat the things you feed them eventually. They adapt and so will you and you will be better for it. I had the same problem with Mac n' Cheese and chicken nuggets and still do sometimes. My biggest problem is overcoming others stupidity about food. I have to let them know that even grownups make bad choices and teach them to say no to adults when it comes to food. The best advice I can give you is to stay the course. Your children love you no matter if you feed them chicken nuggets or chicken breast. You will teach them one of the most valuable lessons that they need to learn and you can do it by being the example. If you are thin they will want to be thin too. It trickles down. It also takes time and patience. I hope you stick around. |
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Thu Mar 06, 2008 3:35 pm |
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| potatoreplacer
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The others hit on what I have to say but I will reiterate a few points:
-An experience with my little guy (at the time 2) essentially prompted me to lose weight. I was running with him in the yard, got a little winded and thought "WTF...he's two, there is no way I'm going to be able to keep up with him in a few years unless I lose weight."
-My wife and I were feeing him good foods and when he went to bed we would eat "our dinner" which 30%-50% of the time was not very healthy. I thought and said to my wife, "if we won't feed this food to him then why are we eating this stuff."
-Regarding feeding your children, my son is three and despite generally being fed good food over his short life he's turned picky. We give him what I consider bad food (chicken nuggets, waffles) probably 1-3 meals a week. The other meals are pretty much the same foods we eat and if he chooses not to eat, then he just misses that meal. Inevitably, he will eat the next meal which is just as healthy as the meal he picked-at or skipped. The good news for us is other than the nuggets, white pasta, and waffles he eats at times, everything else in the house is pretty beachy. Frankly, if I could get him to eat eggs and cheese just once a week I would feel OK about his diet. I have a smile on my face as I watch him chomp on crinkle cut carrots, whole wheat pasta, salmon, shrimp, green beans, triscuits, steak, yogurt, etc. All things I would not have eaten at his age. |
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Thu Mar 06, 2008 4:52 pm |
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| donitag
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I am a stay at home mom and homeschool my girls. Once my mind was made up, I got up the next morning, cleaned out the pantry, frig and freezer and said, "Okay, our new life begins today." And it did. We (me being the captain) have never looked back. We have lost over 100 pounds, as a family.
Clean out your pantry, frig and freezer and get started. The morning you do that is the beginning of a new life for you and your family. It just takes making up your mind and doing it.
The big key to being a success is to prepare foods and snacks a head of time. You want chicken nuggets? Make a bunch a head of time and freeze them. Cut up chicken breast, roll them in WW bread crumbs and freeze. Bake them as you need them. Want pizza? Make WW dough crust and freeze it. It is ready for toppings and use when you need it. Need crackers for the 2 year old? Buy WW ones or Triscuits. Want Mac and cheese, use WW pasta and 2% cheese and make your own. Our daughter makes this nearly once a week. Try new recipes each week. Plan your menus ahead of time. I made a recipe book from all the recipes that recipelover has on here. I tried a new recipe each week to keep things from getting boring. However, now it is a way of life so things do not get boring.
I make cookies, if the kids want them. I just use WW flour and splenda to make them. Keep lots of fruits around for snacks. Keep veggies cut up and ready for snacks.
If the unhealthy food is not in the house or you don't bring it in the house, it can't be eaten. If it is there or you bring it in, it will be eaten. I know from experience. It can not be in my house!
Just get started cleaning and begin!! |
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Thu Mar 06, 2008 8:43 pm |
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| Lastpounds
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| It sounds to me that you might have some depression happening. I know all about depression all too well. My advice is to get up a little earlier and do some exercise 4-5 days a week. You will feel better and things will just fall into place. |
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Sat Mar 08, 2008 3:09 am |
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| Bofsoca
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| Hi Colorlvr. I understand where you are coming from. What has been helping me is reading a book called, "Life is Hard, Food is Easy" by Linda Spangle. It is excellent and explores the reasons why we eat. Very enlightening, and I highly recommend it to you. Hang in there. There is hope. |
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Mon Mar 10, 2008 4:30 pm |
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| colorlvr
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I just want to say THANK YOU to all of you who posted back to me. I have been reading (and re-reading!) your responses and really thinking about how I've been feeling - why I've been allowing myself (and my children) to put garbage in their bodies.
I started Phase 1. I am on Day 3 and going strong. I am hoping to start a new thread somewhere with more details of my journey, along with some before pics... (maybe, if I can get the courage)
I hope you will all follow me there - I would love to get to know you all better.
Thanks again! Colorlvr |
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Tue Mar 11, 2008 3:31 pm |
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| cheekymo
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colorlvr wrote:
Its hard - I am a stay at home mom, and I am lonely. I don't have much "real life" support, and my kids are at trying ages, so I spend a lot of time feeilng trapped and frustrated. And, I eat those feelings away a lot. The fleeting pleasure eating gives me seems to soothe me. (I used to smoke and my weight was a lot easier to control back then!)
I just wanted to offer my two cents, because I think we're struggling with the same thing. I overeat to "eat away" or "stuff down" feelings all the time. Always have, since I was a kid. I used to be 260-265 pounds, and have kept off at least 45 of the 60 pounds I lost for the last 5 years. This is mostly due to major lifestyle changes, and the fact that I'm a really active person. But I've still got this nagging 35 pounds or so to lose, and it drives me crazy.
A few weeks ago, I had another family disaster and was stuffing my face left and right. One night, I realized (again) that I was eating stuff I didn't even want (again) and that I was going down the path of regaining weight (again) for no good reason at all other than the fact that I had no idea how to deal with my feelings (again). So for that one night, I stopped eating. Technically, I was full. Emotionally, it drove me crazy. I managed not to eat another bite that night, but I went just about stir crazy. I have to say that I honestly had no idea what else to do with myself, and I was almost afraid of what would happen if I DIDN'T eat. Of course, nothing happened. I posted in my new diet journal, eventually called a friend and tried to ignore the need. I did the same thing the next day and the next and the next. I'm doing a lot better in the past few weeks. It's not easy, and I've had one or two bad days, but nothing like the usual idiotic behavior I engage in when my family is also being idiotic and exams are looming and I'm trying to figure out how to move my life to a new city in two months.
Maybe you're the same. Maybe you think that something "bad" will happen if you don't shove your feelings aside with food at the end of what is undoubtedly a long and tiring and sometimes lonely day staying at home with your kids. Apart from all the practical advice everyone here has offered, maybe you need to figure out what you're afraid will happen if you don't soothe yourself with food. And figure out how else to soothe yourself instead.
Of course, I could also be wrong! Just offering some thoughts. |
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Thu Mar 13, 2008 1:55 pm |
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| colorlvr
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Cheeky - your post makes a lot of sense! I think I have had those same thoughts before, but never could bring them to the surface enough to put to words. I've had that feeling of anxiety right before I am about to eat for mind-numbing purpose - that feeling of, well, if I DON'T eat, what will happen NEXT?
Its funny - that feeling of aimlessness that you feel when you decide to try not eating. At first, it feels like an interesting experiment, but than after a few days (or hours) it starts to feel scary. Like "something bad" is going to happen.
Then, I think to myself, on a deeper level - why am I so scared to not eat? (translation: why am I so scared to lose weight?)
Geez... if I wasn't so busy eating and dealing with my weight issue, I might actually accomplish something and feel GOOD about myself. That would just be TOOO much!
And, here's another epiphany I had a few months ago. I was thinking about why I self-inflict this problem on myself, ya know? (its not like other problems people can have that cannot be changed - overweight in most cases, is so fixable!) I pictured myself in front of some sort of jury (fate? God?) with my hand raised in the air saying:
"I don't want anything REALLY bad to happen to my family - so, could I just have the fat problem instead? That would be great! I'll volunteer to be the fat girl, then you can dole out the other problems to some other folks!!"
So... anxiety is indeed behind a lot of this isn't it? Fear of the unknown. Fear of, if you quit filling that void with food, once the space is open, what will come along and fill it?? |
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Thu Mar 13, 2008 5:33 pm |
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| pixel
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Start making a list of all the things you cant or dont enjoy doing anymore because of your weight.
To be honest Im not sure exactly what made it click for me so far. It started with going through the steps to have gastric bypass because my mother and sister and a doctor had suggested it. I went to an orientation about it and brought my husband along. He loves me fat or skinny he doesnt care, he didnt even have any idea that I weighed over 300#. When we left the orientation I asked him what he thought. At first he said if that is what I wanted to do he would support me. Then I told him no I want to know what you really think.
He said it was scary and he would rather I do something else. After a lot of crying I told him things that he never knew, things that he thought I just didnt want to do anymore, that I COULDNT do anymore. He made a promise to help me. We both made appointments with our doctors to find out where to start. Mine was worthless, his suggested SBD, he told him to go buy the book and read it. We did and it all made sense to me. It wasnt just someone telling me you shouldnt eat that. It was someone explaining why I shouldnt eat it and how it affects my body.
My husband is amazing, he has been doing SBD with me from day 1. He seems to even stick with it and turn down goodies when Im not around, then tells me about his victories. I even recently got him to start going on walks with me that way we have some alone time to talk and we are both exercising. I was exercising before but he usually did not. He typically doesnt whine about anything to do with SBD or exercise which is amazing because he whines about other things :D
Im not sure if I could do this without his support. Also know that I went through my fridge and every cabinet in my house. I donated all the food or gave it away that was not SBD friendly and now those foods are not allowed in the house. Out of sight out of mind makes it easier for me to deal with treats when they come up at work or whatnot. I told him from the beginning, please whatever you do dont bring it into the house. Im fairly certain he isnt hiding anything anywhere either but he has the option. He turns things down but asks for my assurances that he shouldnt eat it. I tell him I cant make those decisions you need to yourself. In the end he turns it down and I ask why, he says because he likes losing weight too much! |
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Thu Mar 13, 2008 8:09 pm |
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| sunnyallthetime
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| I say forget the "baby steps" and go hardcore, if you are serious. Pjams is right, the baby won't starve. Remember when you had to take the baby bottle away (if you have done that yet) It wasn't easy, a few days of whining is a good trade off for a life time of health and happines..and this is coming from someone who had to face the pediatrician because my youngest son was slightly overweight when he was 8-she really drove it home for me, that kids are the first generation that has a shorter lifespan than we do-because of all the processes foods and video games available to kids-kids today are generally not healthy and active. I may be way off base here, but I think you could see it as an advantage being a stay at home mom...you don't have to worry about eating out at lunch, etc. You can really control what is in your house-you just have to have the motivation to do it. And Nessa is right, you have to find that motivation, nobody is going to do it for you. Because as soon as you sign off of this forum, it pretty much can all go out the window if you aren't serious about it. Seriously, I don't want to sound mean, I just know for me personally, lots of people in my life care about me, and want the best for me, but it is similar to a drug addiction-you can't make an addict quit, they have to want it for themselves. I hope this was helpful advice. :) |
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Mon Mar 17, 2008 2:25 pm |
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| lisa30
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Basically it's all down to choice!
Make bad choices and suffer the consequences, or make the right choices and enjoy the rewards.
Try to focus on your health rather than weight and everything else will fall into place.
Learn to accept who you are and enjoy it!
Choose the life you want to live and live it!! |
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Tue Mar 18, 2008 10:54 pm |
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| frustratedieter
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I can so relate to your post and what many others have said here.
I will reiterate what others have said....what is your motivation?? Good health. You're still young and can un-do alot with changing your habits. Also you will model to your children so if you want to be healthy--they will be as well so you would be providing a legacy! There is such a thing as "healthy treats"!
I only wish there had been a South Beach back when my kids were young! I've done so many un-healthy "diets" and now I'm paying for it. It will be easier to lose the younger you are. After age 40..things seem to get harder. Then when you hit your 50's (think menopause) you will have more challenges.
I have a husband who has a sweet tooth and he will have his nibbles in the house. I just have to choose to leave him to his vices. Life is full of choices by the way. If I were to have a candy bar...who bought it and who opened the wrapper and put it into my mouth?? I could make excuses and say "but I was in the store getting groceries and they put those darned things right next to the cashier...it's the store's fault!" But I can choose to ignore those "triggers" and re-program myself to having a better outlook on food.
I truly hope you can gain the control that you need and also know we all have been on this journey and are here for the support. I hope you know we aren't criticizing you or judging you. Just giving you some things to think about. Oh----"self-talk" also is huge for all of us!!! On how we think about ourselves and all things connected to that.
Best wishes and here's a big hug ((((((())))))) for you from me!!! |
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Thu Mar 20, 2008 2:23 pm |
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