| Lori83
|
|
|
Ok.... not really sure what to do here and would like some advice.
My son is in 1st grade. He does very well.. is in advanced reading and excelling in math. I have sent a few notes with questions to the teacher and have emailed twice with a few minor things and have only received one response in email form. My son is loving, caring, well rounded. His only downfall is he is TALKATIVE.. I mean extremely. We have not received anything from the teacher letting us know any issues. Well I get a letter today saying that the teacher recommended student guidance group with the councelor and other children... I talked to the councelor about why on earth he would need counceling. She replied saying she had no idea and was surprised the teacher even recommended it for him because he is such a sweet, pleasant kid. I told her he was talkative and she said maybe it was to alleviate some of the chatiness. Maybe that is all it is, but shouldn't the teacher have mentioned it?????
Also, I asked him if he talks a lot in class and he said yes. He said he gets into trouble because other kids ask him hard questions that they don't know and he gives them the answer. (He didn't realize that was wrong) He said the teacher makes him walk around the playground at recess for punishment. I asked him if the kid that asks him for the answer gets into trouble and he says no. In a few days are my kids parent teacher conference... Now, in a way I am a little upset because I talked to a close friend of ours who has a kid in that class and they say that the teachers answers their emails and notes promptly. I am also upset because I believe that the other kid should also have to walk for asking for answers. I have let him know to not give answers and just say : I can't tell you. But IMO I think we should have been informed.
Parent teacher conferences are coming up next week and I want to make sure I don't say anything to make the teacher angry. Are there any teachers on here that can help me decide what to say? I really want the best for my child, but don't think he should be getting in trouble and the teacher not telling us or leaving us "out of the loop"... SUGGESTIONS PLEASE!!!???? |
|
Fri Oct 19, 2007 9:18 pm |
|
| pixel
|
|
|
I'm not a teacher, heck I'm not even a parent but IMO you should setup a meeting with the principal. If the teacher is not answering you when you are putting forth the effort then someone needs to address that. I agree making your son walk around the playground for giving answers is ridiculous. Why doesnt the teacher sit down and talk to your son or let you know that this is going on so that your son understands why its wrong.
When I was a kid I was always in trouble for being a talkative kid. To this day I dont understand it. Honestly because if it I think I became introverted and very shy. Always worried about talking out of turn, wondering if I have the right to talk.
I was sitting in the doctors office the other day. Someone sitting next to me was a subsitute teacher and she struck up a conversation with me. She basically told me that in the mornings when she cant handle the kids she makes them walk around the playground to wear them out. I'm sorry if you have to do that you probably arent that great of a teacher. IMO you cant punish kids for being kids. Of course when they do something wrong you need to teach them that its wrong but because you lack creativity in dealing with your students you shouldnt be punishing them. |
|
Fri Oct 19, 2007 9:42 pm |
|
| Lori83
|
|
|
Yeah, I definitely don't want him to become shy like I am. Right now he is outgoing and people love him. He does talk a lot. However, the only reply I did receive from the teacher talked of how wonderful of a student, how kind, and nice he is. As a matter of fact he just received an award from the teacher for "fairness" in class - - laminated and everything.
He is bright... second grade reading level already. He gets all perfect scores on his math. (I taught him that last year) All of his teachers to date have said how wonderful of a student he is and how kind he is. All of them also said he was talkative. The teacher now even talked to my MIL on grandparents day saying she can't wait to meet me because of how well I prepared him for 1st grade and how extremely ahead he is.
I think it is possible that he talks so much out of boredom too... idk. I don't want to word something incorrectly so the teacher dislikes us either. She has been teaching there since before my husband went there and he is 25. |
|
Fri Oct 19, 2007 9:53 pm |
|
| luvs_torun
|
|
|
Before you go over anyone's head IMO, you should speak to the teacher "face to face". There could be many different reasons she did not respond to you emails.
Never take for granted you are being ignored. :wink:
It also won't help for you to try and guess the reasons (you'll just stress yourself out).... better to find out from the teacher.
It may have nothing to do with his "chatiness".
FWIW, I have 3 grown, very bright, successful children.
Yet... when it came to school and teachers, etc.
I would always get "both" sides of the story before coming to conclusions.
Occasionally the story I might get from my "little one" might be a bit different from what actually happened.
I am betting a sit-down with the teacher (asap) will put your mind at ease! :) |
|
Fri Oct 19, 2007 10:26 pm |
|
| ThinkTink
|
|
|
I agree with luvs - have your parent/teacher conference. I have a daughter who is in the 2nd grade. She was getting in trouble at the beginning of the year because of her talking as well. Her getting in trouble at school got her in trouble at home. We have agenda folders that come home with the students every night. I asked the teacher to write to me EVERY DAY how my daughter was doing so I could sign it and return it. We did that for WEEKS until Angelina worked it out. She's doing great now and has hit her stride with the class. If that doesn't work, I would suggest a meeting with the teacher and principal. Is this a new teacher? If so, maybe a meeting with that teacher and ANOTHER teacher in that grade that you possibly know? You don't want to have your teacher feel ganged up on - as bad as it is, that may affect how she treats your son. Can you vounteer to be the class parent? That would get you more face time to see what's going on. I don't think it's fair that he has to miss out on recess when that is the time that he NEEDS and is ALLOWED to burn off some of that excess energy. If he is reading on an advanced level (my 3rd grade daughter reads on an 8th grade level :shock:) then he needs to be allowed to read and read and read and test on those books when the other students who are average are doing their regular thing. He needs to be rewarded for his smarts -- especially at this age when he still LOVES school.
Let us know the outcome of your meeting -- I'm curious to see how it goes. |
|
Sat Oct 20, 2007 2:16 am |
|
| SALAD!
|
|
|
I've had my share of parent/teacher conferences and each time the counselor was in the room and they documented everything. It would be a great time to express your need for more communication....with a witness who will support you. The important thing is to stay cool if you can. You can make a point without accusing her and making her defensive. Hopefully that will do the trick.
I had a horrible run in with a teacher one time. I told her I would have appreciated more communication and she told me that she was doing her job and that I needed to be more involved. It wasn't her fault my son was a pathological liar! The only teacher in 10 years to have a personality problem with my son. She was so out of line and in my opinion damaging in the classroom with an attitude like that that I immediately made an appointment with the Vice Principal, who usually has more direct supervision of the teachers than the Principal does. |
|
Sat Oct 20, 2007 4:04 pm |
|
| hikes
|
|
|
I'm a parent and a kindergarten teacher.
I suggest you talk to the teacher before going to the principal.
The last think you want is a "difficult parent" label. :roll:
Early in the year primary teachers work hard to get classroom routines and rules down. It's very possible that the teacher doesn't feel giving out answers is a huge offense, but she still needs to help your son learn to follow the rules and use more self-control in class. Most teachers don't contact parents about everyday 'mistakes' or rule infractions. First grade is a huge change from kindergarten. I have a feeling your son isn't the only first grader walking around the playground at recess this time of year! :)
There are all sorts of reasons teachers suggest kids for guidance groups. I wouldn't try to second guess the teacher until I'd talked to her. I usually contact parents BEFORE a permission slip goes home, but not all teachers in my school make a phone call first. It's obvious that the permission slip with no prior communication has really thrown you. IMO it would be very appropriate for you to tell your son's teacher that (in a non-confrontational way) when you meet with her.
As for not responding to email messages, if I were you I'd mention the emails at the conference but then let it go. Perhaps she didn't get them, perhaps she got busy and forgot - who knows? You can't change what's already happened, your goal needs to be forging a good relationship with this teacher and encouraging more communication from her in the future.
Good luck at the conference. I hope you'll let us know how things work out. |
|
Sat Oct 20, 2007 5:13 pm |
|
| Lori83
|
|
|
Thanks for all the responses :)
Like I said before, the councelor didn't think he needed guidance either so both of us were questioning the teachers recommendation. Also, no the teacher never contacted us about any behavior that would need small group guidance. The councelor is going to ask the teacher Monday and call me. If it is to alleviate chattiness that is definitely not the way to go... No one will be able to convince me on this. Truely, no matter how much I let my son talk to me he never has enough to say. Believe me... I have tried. I think the best idea would be to give him extra work or tasks to do. That way he gets extra work and learns more and it helps keep him busy. I plan to talk to the teacher about this. idk.. Does anyone think counceling will work? I just am not convinced. |
|
Sat Oct 20, 2007 6:21 pm |
|
| kevin-b
|
|
|
blah blah blah my kids perfect blah blah blah...
kids are kids... they get into trouble... thats what kids do... how bout instead of finding blame with the teacher... teach you boy not to talk in class? thats an idea...
im sorry i grew up in a very strict catholic school system and even at your sons age we got spanked for not following the rules... |
|
Sat Oct 20, 2007 9:00 pm |
|
| ThinkTink
|
|
|
kevin has a point - (a rather sharp tounged one) but a point nonetheless.
I work in the Guidance Dept. at a school. You would be truely AMAZED if you knew what some kids are going through....actually not some, LOTS. There are some horrible situations out there that children are going through. We teach our girls that THEY will NOT be the problem in the classroom. They have parents that love them, they are clean, well fed, rested there is NO EXCUSE (in our house) for our DD's to act out in class. There are other kids that need the attention of the teacher WAAAY more than our girls do and we tell them if they act out, it takes time away from the kids that don't get dinner and are hungry (you would be amazed how many kids don't get food after they come home from school) or kids that are tired (because they don't have parents at home with them that put them to bed) etc. Maybe take that approach with your son. Maybe explaining that coupled with extra work will help him stay in line. Works for us.
I also agree with hikes. Our youngest's teacher is a 1st year teacher. She was laying down pretty harsh boundries IMO, for the kids to follow. She did that so when she relaxed them the kids didn't take total advantage of them. Also about the email thing - 1/2 the teachers at the school I work at don't check their emails :roll:....that is SOOOO frustrating because it's such an easy tool that they could use. |
|
Sat Oct 20, 2007 10:42 pm |
|
| AleciaBneedstobefreed
|
|
|
I don't know how much vodka Kevin downed tonight but that was rather rude.
I agree that sometimes us parents are blindsighted by our kids. I have a kindergarten kid and she talks too much in class and it's a behavioral problem. It doesn't matter if he tells you he's just helping others. If the teacher repeatedly reminds and punishes a child for talking in class and the child doesn't correct it, then it's a behavioral problem. My DD teacher puts her in the hall and sits her at a desk away from the other students. This breaks my heart. I love my DD and hate to see her alienated from the class. But, she is being a brat in class. She's being disruptive by talking in class. Her teacher has to do a job and keep 24 children focused. That's hard and the last thing she needs is my DD disrupting her. We have spanked my DD for bad behavior and I will continue to take things away when she gets a bad report. I'd love to write it off as her teacher being witchy but I know my daughter is disruptive.
It sounds like it's time to talk to the teacher now and not at conferences. I ask my DD's teacher every few days how things are going. She also sends home reports daily most of the time. While I know I can't be there to make her act right, I can't put the blame on anyone but her.
Sounds like you need to make your son responsible for his actions. I would take allowance or special treats away. I promised DD she could have a candy corn pumpkin as a treat if she had a good week. She blew it and she didn't get it. She was crushed, but she'll remember it.
I hope you work things out. Raising kids is hard. |
|
Sun Oct 21, 2007 4:46 am |
|
| Lori83
|
|
|
kevin-b wrote: blah blah blah my kids perfect blah blah blah...
kids are kids... they get into trouble... thats what kids do... how bout instead of finding blame with the teacher... teach you boy not to talk in class? thats an idea...
im sorry i grew up in a very strict catholic school system and even at your sons age we got spanked for not following the rules...
Kevin-b, You had to know I would respond to your post. No, I do not think my kids are perfect (remember I AM the one who pointed out he is talkative and believe me I honestly am annoyed at times and he does get into trouble)
I am aware that kids are kids and get into trouble and NO I am not blaming the teacher for this, however, THE TEACHER is not the one who told me he was getting into trouble for talking in class. MY SON is the one who told me. Like I said he is honest and has manners unlike some people.
Do you think I have not tried to teach my child NOT to talk to much in class? If you think that you are ignorant. I have tried to teach him that there is a time to talk and a time to be quiet. He knows he is supposed to listen to the teacher. He does get spanked for not listening, however, the worst punishment in his eyes is when we are disappointed in him. No I will not and do not think it is right to have the teacher SPANK my kid however, I will walk up to the school myself and do it in front of everyone if they asked or even TOLD ME THERE WAS A PROBLEM. But they didn't being the original reason for my post.
There are always those people who are going to blame parents for lack of communication, however, AS I said in my post I have sent emails and notes and only 1 has been answered and not even completely.
If you will read the post you will see I ask for advice on how to effectively and nicely let the teacher know I want better communication. IF there is a problem I WANT TO KNOW. If he is getting in trouble.. I WANT TO KNOW. It doesn't take that long to write a few sentences on a piece of paper or drop an email right before leaving school.
And I DO think he needs to get in trouble for not following the rules... But how am I supposed to punish him when NO ONE tells me he is not following the rules? When he told me he got spanked and had to go to his room. Luckily I have an honest child that will tell me when he gets into trouble.
I know my kids aren't perfect. I am not an idiot. I honestly will tell you your post made me mad and upset. I asked for helpful advice on how to talk to the teacher without making her feel like I was accusing her. I did not ask for parenting tips from someone who doesn't even seem to know how to effectively parent (no offense, but that is how I feel)
I have taught my kid so many useful things.. he is in advanced reading, excelling in math, and spells better than most kids his age. He knows all the planets, some of the states and capitals, and I am just started teaching him the presidents. He is honest, kind, fair, sincere, and loving. So far talkativeness is his only problem and if that is all that he does wrong then I will surely take it. Yes I do think it needs corrected. But, I wouldn't know because the TEACHER has NOT informed me.
So, if you have any helpful advice... I will take it..but if you are going to personally attack the way I care for my children when you have never met me or my children (sounds like manners is your downfall)... then don't bother to post.
Now to everyone else : THANK YOU so much for your KIND words and encouragement in a NOT rude manner.. I really do appreciate everyone and will let you know how things go. I will politely ask the teacher to email me everytime he gets in trouble for talking out in class (or anything else). This is his first year in this school. We just transfered, and the last school had a folder system where the teacher had a specific note to send they would put in there.. and this new school doesn't. I just don't feel connected with the teacher as much as I did last year. I will ask her to keep me informed.... We didn't even know he was in accelerated reading until we called the school because he was taking quizzes over books and we called to find out about it... I think communication is important. I just hope the teacher doesn't feel like I am being difficult for wanting to know what happens.. :( Thanks again! |
|
Sun Oct 21, 2007 3:08 pm |
|
| Lori83
|
|
|
kevin-b wrote: blah blah blah my kids perfect blah blah blah...
kids are kids... they get into trouble... thats what kids do... how bout instead of finding blame with the teacher... teach you boy not to talk in class? thats an idea...
im sorry i grew up in a very strict catholic school system and even at your sons age we got spanked for not following the rules...
Kevin-b, You had to know I would respond to your post. No, I do not think my kids are perfect (remember I AM the one who pointed out he is talkative and believe me I honestly am annoyed at times and he does get into trouble)
I am aware that kids are kids and get into trouble and NO I am not blaming the teacher for this, however, THE TEACHER is not the one who told me he was getting into trouble for talking in class. MY SON is the one who told me. Like I said he is honest and has manners unlike some people.
Do you think I have not tried to teach my child NOT to talk to much in class? If you think that you are ignorant. I have tried to teach him that there is a time to talk and a time to be quiet. He knows he is supposed to listen to the teacher. He does get spanked for not listening, however, the worst punishment in his eyes is when we are disappointed in him. No I will not and do not think it is right to have the teacher SPANK my kid however, I will walk up to the school myself and do it in front of everyone if they asked or even TOLD ME THERE WAS A PROBLEM. But they didn't being the original reason for my post.
There are always those people who are going to blame parents for lack of communication, however, AS I said in my post I have sent emails and notes and only 1 has been answered and not even completely.
If you will read the post you will see I ask for advice on how to effectively and nicely let the teacher know I want better communication. IF there is a problem I WANT TO KNOW. If he is getting in trouble.. I WANT TO KNOW. It doesn't take that long to write a few sentences on a piece of paper or drop an email right before leaving school.
And I DO think he needs to get in trouble for not following the rules... But how am I supposed to punish him when NO ONE tells me he is not following the rules? When he told me he got spanked and had to go to his room. Luckily I have an honest child that will tell me when he gets into trouble.
I know my kids aren't perfect. I am not an idiot. I honestly will tell you your post made me mad and upset. I asked for helpful advice on how to talk to the teacher without making her feel like I was accusing her. I did not ask for parenting tips from someone who doesn't even seem to know how to effectively parent (no offense, but that is how I feel)
I have taught my kid so many useful things.. he is in advanced reading, excelling in math, and spells better than most kids his age. He knows all the planets, some of the states and capitals, and I am just started teaching him the presidents. He is honest, kind, fair, sincere, and loving. So far talkativeness is his only problem and if that is all that he does wrong then I will surely take it. Yes I do think it needs corrected. But, I wouldn't know because the TEACHER has NOT informed me.
So, if you have any helpful advice... I will take it..but if you are going to personally attack the way I care for my children when you have never met me or my children (sounds like manners is your downfall)... then don't bother to post.
Now to everyone else : THANK YOU so much for your KIND words and encouragement in a NOT rude manner.. I really do appreciate everyone and will let you know how things go. I will politely ask the teacher to email me everytime he gets in trouble for talking out in class (or anything else). This is his first year in this school. We just transfered, and the last school had a folder system where the teacher had a specific note to send they would put in there.. and this new school doesn't. I just don't feel connected with the teacher as much as I did last year. I will ask her to keep me informed.... We didn't even know he was in accelerated reading until we called the school because he was taking quizzes over books and we called to find out about it... I think communication is important. I just hope the teacher doesn't feel like I am being difficult for wanting to know what happens.. :( Thanks again! |
|
Sun Oct 21, 2007 3:08 pm |
|
| Jadzia
|
|
|
I haven't read all the reply, so I hope you'll excuse me if I don't add anything of value.
I'm answering not as a parent, but both as an ex-teacher and as someone who found school (especially elementary school) WAY too easy.
Maybe the teacher "thinks" that making your son walk during recess will help him be less chatty, but in my opinion, it won't.
1- He lose the time were he could chat with his friends, so he's just more likely to chat in class;
2- Walking is not an exercise intensive enough to really wear down any kid that age;
3- Doesn't address at all the reasons why he chats...
My suggestions :
1- You MUST be able to speak with the teacher. It's totally unacceptable the teacher didn't even called you before deciding your son needed to consult ! I can't even think of one reasons why I wouldn't have return a parent call/e-mail.
2- Parent meeting might or might not be the good place, depending on the structure of the meeting : will you be meeting the teacher only, or is it more a presentation in front of the whole class' parents ?
3- Try to find something your son can do in class. He's not challenged in class, so it's much harder for him to be quiet.
- Does he likes to read ? If yes, try to see if he's allowed to read in class (if you have to go to the director to have that permission, do it !).
- Actually, can be any activities that make him quiet ! For exemple, you say he's at least one class in advance : can he bring the books he use at home
- Any logic games (he loves maths, right ?), word games, etc.
For those activities, follow his rythm, not the school one. I was reading 300 pages book in my 1st grade. I did bring my book.
Some teachers are opened to the idea of kids doing other stuff as soon as they finished the required exercises first. Other are not. Try to see where your son's teacher stands.
How is he integrated socially ? Does he makes friends easily ? Does people say he's :
- acting like a boy his age
- a bit more mature
- a bit "young" for his age
The school councellor might help you with that. Unless he's acting young for his age, you may want to consider eventually trying to make him "skip" a year.
If he's a quick learner, he will still be. But at least he wouldn't be one year in advance.
2 others things :
- If he's not involved in sports, make him choose one ! I know a lot of kids (particularly boys) which behavior in class improved after starting a sport. The best are any sport with displine in it : martial arts, any team sports (hockey, soccer, foot ball, etc).
- Please, stop teaching him maths at home (or at least the school material) ! By making him always being way ahead of his class mates, you'll also make him more likely to be bored.
Why don't take the opportunity to teach him things that are NOT teached at school ?
Some ideas
- There's a lot of activities book related to science. Maybe he would like the experiences that goes with it
- Geography, history (I would go with world geography / history). I don't know all the education system, but from what I've heard, especially in the early school year, the school material is focus on the American geography/history.
- Any situation that improves the solving problem skill
If he likes music, learning an instrument can be great, but it also can be quite expensive.
Hope that'll help a bit. |
|
Sun Oct 21, 2007 3:36 pm |
|
| DebbyC
|
|
|
my son was the talker ALL THE WAY thru school - probably until his junior year I had communication with the teachers about it. I would agree with the teacher parent meeting first AND without your anger. There may be a reason that is not communicated by a first grader.
the only time I felt my son was singled out in an issue was when the parent of the other child threw a fit and the school let him out of whatever mediocre consequences they had set in the first place. I always went in saying - I don't know how you do what you do, there's no way I would be able to do it. My son is a talker and the class clown, and as long as you are fair in handling the other children, I have got your back 100%. I still email his teachers and they email me. OMG I would absolutely HATE to be in charge of a room full of first graders - can't imagine how much xanax would be required to keep me from smacking them and their parents [only because I've listened in on OTHER parent teacher conferences]
I do think the teacher should have called or emailed you before the referral, but unless that school has counselors that spend hours in every single classroom every single day, I doubt the counselor has a better grasp of the activity in the classroom than the teacher. Do you check your son's notebooks/backpacks/pockets everyday? Are you sure she has the correct email/phone number? If I were not hearing from my child's teacher, I would call and leave a message, or send a couple of emails, then take a drive to the school.
If you have known about his behavior since school started, it might have been a good idea to keep a little closer contact [how can we work together to help him understand not to talk, what can I do to back up what you are doing in class?] - don't send notes....unless it's in a child proof container pinned to the outside of his shirt - cause it's likely not to get there.
oh, and what are his consequences with you if you know he has been talking to much? do they give awards or consequences in classs for behavior? [ours had red, yello, green light stickers beside their names depending on their behavior] do you ask him everyday what his 'status' was and talk about it that day? My kid was always coming home to tell me he had yellow light [not in too much trouble, but given warnings] and we talked, but if he had a red light that day, he lost TV or game privilegees...too many red lights, more consequences. too many yellow lights, I got in touch with the teacher....too many green lights - I began to wnder if she was in the room!!!! |
|
Sun Oct 21, 2007 4:21 pm |
|