| annecolorgreen
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Quote: The sticker/chore thing really didn't work? Did ya praise 'em for doing their chores? lol. I think that's a big deal. We found it didn't work for our kids because we were too busy to follow through. That's the key. It works if you follow through...with dh to support you and help!
~~anne |
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Fri Sep 14, 2007 11:46 pm |
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| toese
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The stickers worked for Siena but not Milan. They are well behaved kids really just a little subborn. DH even notices that I get irritable way too often on them even if they are just talking. Yeah I used to watch Super nanny. Those kids are real BRATS!!
Lets try an example:
Milan: Mommy, can I have some gum mommy?
Mom: no not right now sweetie
Milan: Please Mommy, I want some gum
Mom: no not right now (starting to get irritated here)
Milan, Please mommy, I want some gum (she starts going thru my purse)
Mom: DO not go thru my purse, and I told you no already
this keeps going on and then I tell her that I don't care anymore and I'm even more irritated.
Is it easier if I just go ahead and give her the gum to get her off my back?? I mean there are times that I don't back down and then she will have a fit. |
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Fri Sep 14, 2007 11:55 pm |
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| annecolorgreen
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"The Strong-Willed Child" by James Dobson. An oldie but a goodie.
http://resources.family.org/p2p/searchResults.do?method=view&search=basic&keyword=strong-willed+child&sortby=shortdesc&asc=true&page=1 |
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Sat Sep 15, 2007 12:04 am |
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| annecolorgreen
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Toese--I was thinking about your kiddos this morning. I really believe they are probably bored after school and needing some kind of physical outlet and more attention. What is your Dad doing during that time? What about your sitter you used during the summer? I may be completely way off base but I hate it that you are feeling so bad about how things are going.
Hugs,
Anne |
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Sat Sep 15, 2007 5:36 pm |
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| toese
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Well, right after school I take them to my store for an hour and then after that they either have soccer practice or swimming lessons, or they ride their bikes so they aren't bored. They are just being kids. It's me that gets so irritated. I'm the one w/ the problem and I'm the one that needs help. I get irritated very easily. All the questions they ask. They are innocent questions and I should be happy to answer them but sometimes I feel it's just bothersome. DO you see what I mean?? Why can't I just answer them in loving way instead of saying "what!"
Just today we went shopping snad Milan would ask "can I have this" 2 million times and it drove me NUTS!!! |
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Sat Sep 15, 2007 10:31 pm |
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| Kimboroni
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Do you have something going on physically that could be causing this, such as new medication or hormonal issues? Maybe you could talk to your doctor about it. Some adjustments or other medical support might be necessary.
My suggestion for the store is to set a dollar limit on something they can get-- do this before you go in the store. It doesn't have to be very much. Then they can concentrate on choosing something rather than bugging you about every little thing. |
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Sun Sep 16, 2007 5:44 am |
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| mybunnyisfunny
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| I recommend the book Playful Parenting by Lawrence J. Cohen. |
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Sun Sep 16, 2007 5:16 pm |
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| mots
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So she has learned that if she askes You often enough You will cave.......
What does she gain by stopping the questions when You will eventually give her what she wants..........
It's ok to parent Your children.
Say No definately........ You give them an out when You say Not right now(translation....maybe later)
She has You on a leash and knows how to jerk You around to get What she wants.
Say NO, Lady and mean it!
What will happen when she gets older?
i've got 4 kids in their mid 30's and 10 grandkids. NO BODY asks me twice. NO means NO!
i remember one adult child telling their child---- "don't bother asking twice, she will not be moved." (about me)
Best! and take a stand, MOM!
Your kids need You to parent.
You let them down when You back down.
mots |
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Sun Sep 16, 2007 8:33 pm |
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| oh_what_a_wabbit
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Ok, I've got to put my 2 cents in...
I'm NOT a parent yet... but I've done my share of child-watching... this is my take.
When your daughter says ... "I want gum"... and you say "no, not now"... I THINK that if you gave her a REASON why NO, maybe she would be more satisfied with that answer. I know I would want to know Why NOT?
So maybe a "no, because you just ate lunch, or NO, because it's not good for your teeth, or No because supper is right around the corner... or no because..... fill in the -------" Telling her No, just sucks. I wouldn't want anyone to tell me NO to something, without a valid reason... not just that they were too lazy to give something to me, or do something for me.
Maybe you don't feel like you should have to explain yourself to your child... No=No, and I don't have to have a reason... but maybe it will work if you validate the NO. :?
Like I said, just my 2 cents. |
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Sun Sep 16, 2007 9:29 pm |
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| toese
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wabbit, very true. I gues I should give her a reason
mots, actually most of the time I do stand my ground and just take the whining till we get to the car and I will tell her she will get spanked and then thats when she says she's sorry.
kimboroni, I actually have gone to the doctor and I used to be on different anti depressants. Helped a little bit but I think I got immune to all of them and they messed up my metabolism therefore, I don't take them anymore. But you are getting the point. I'm the one w/ the issues.
mybunnyisfunny, thank, I'll have to check that one out.
I guess I just have to remind myslef not to take advantage of having 2 beautiful wonderful kids.
They don't whine all the time. It's me that gets irritated all the time. They could be doing something so innocent like wanting hugs over and over again and even that will get on my nerves. It's not just the whining they do it's all the other stuff. |
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Sun Sep 16, 2007 10:40 pm |
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| peabody
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I know this sounds lame but it really works (it did for me) Put on a happy face. Smile even when you don't feel like it, show more intrest in the things you are not really interested in. If one of the kids has something to share about their day, sit down with each one alone sit a timer for 15 minutes and let them share something with no interruptions. When their time is up then it is the next childs turn. I used to do this over dinner when the kids were younger. You get a good meal and really learn alot about the kids in the process. Back to the smilling thing, have you ever called some one and you could hear their smile in their voice? That is the basic concept here, if you are in a good mood (even if you have to fake it)do it the kids are better if you are better! I know you've heard the old saying "If mom ain't happy, ain't nobody happy! :wink: I hope this may help you a little, just know you're not alone, we have all had our times of being irritable even over the smallest things.
Another thing, about going to the store, when you pull up to the store, let them know in advance whether they are allowed a treat or not, if they have been good and are going to get something; give each 1 dollar and tell them they may spend it how they want as long as they don't go over their dollar. This way they can chose something they want, if they have change left over let them keep it and put it away to save for another trip, this may help them learn the value of a dollar in the process. :)
hugs to you I know exactly what you're going through; been there my self :wink: |
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Mon Sep 17, 2007 2:41 pm |
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| Myrealana
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toese wrote: Ok guys, I'm looking for some sound advice here. It's been bothering me for quite awhile and need guidance.
*********I just want to add that I'm not asking for parenting advice.... I am asking for advice to help w/ my irritability*************
I have a 5 yr old and a 7 yr old both girls. You know how kids can "bug" you by their questions, whining, not listening and such?? Well it seems no matter what comes out of their mouth I seem irritable. Like everything irritates me. I pretty much snap at them for asking for things (like gum, candy, etc) of if I tell them to do something and they are hard head about it I get so annoyed and I don't like showing that kind of attitude in front of them. I don't want them to remember their mommy by being so grouchy all the time.
So advice, a guidance book, whatever BRING IT ON!!!!
Oh, I SO know what you mean. Last week I was SO snappish with my kids that the 4-year-old closed himself in his room and said "I don't want to play with you anymore. I'm waiting for Daddy!"
Good thing kids are resiliant! He forgave me about 5 minutes later.
The 12-year-old is mildly autistic, but he's old enough to kind of be able to cut me some slack.
As the week wore on, and my energy started to come back, things got better. I don't have any great advice for you, except to try to take your time and be consistant. Also, don't be afraid to admit when you're wrong. Some people think it shows weakness to apologize or change your mind. I think it's a strength to be able to admit you're not perfect.
My little one sounds a lot like Milan. We call him "Mr. Determined." He can stick to his guns through any number of "No's" and no reasoning really dissuades him. At a certain point, we just have to put up our hands and say "No, the discussion is over. Not one more word." He usually knows it's time to stop then, but sometimes, we do resort to a time out after that. |
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Mon Sep 17, 2007 4:16 pm |
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| toese
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| Thanks guys. I will try to learn to smile and be interested in what they have to say. It's hard when you are being distracted you know. I will try the fake thing today and see if it will work!! |
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Mon Sep 17, 2007 4:24 pm |
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| jnmmom
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toese, I can also relate big time! I have been horribly bitchy lately. The kids have been driving me nuts. I am dealing with a great deal of pain and between that, work and endless housework, the littlest things set me off. I have found the biggest help for me is getting some "me time". I either escape somewhere in a quiet part of the house or I have my husband take the kids somewhere so I can take a breather.
I give you a lot of credit for taking the kids to the store. Do you have to take them? That is something I don't do unless I have no choice especially my 4 yr. old. Same as what Milan does. It drives me nuts so I avoid that situation. My other 3 know if I say no, I mean no. I just give them "the look"!
Good luck and your not alone!! |
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Mon Sep 17, 2007 8:30 pm |
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| ThinkTink
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How much ME time do you get? You pick them up and then bring them to work with you till the end of your day, right? Then you shuttle them from here to there. At their ages, chances are you're staying at some sort of practice with them.
My girls are 7 & 8 and do basically the same thing. Some days it seems like all they do is fight and whine and argue and cry and break things and slam doors and talk back and stomp....you get the point. Thankfully I have a great DH who will take control when he comes home from work. I'm the one they take everything out on and don't (sometimes) listen to, he they walk the straight and narrow with. I don't have that MOM voice (like my mom does) that lets them know I'm about to explode.
One time I actually left a store -- cart full, just grabbed them by the hands and out we went. Their eyes were the size of saucers. They realized that they had crossed the line. I am a screamer, not a spanker. Once we were in the van and I had unloaded you could have heard a pin drop because of the silence. They KNEW they screwed up (they were probably 4 & 6 when this happened). Once we got home, they were straight in their rooms until dinner, out to eat and then to bed.
Back to my original question though, maybe you need some time to yourself to decompress. Time away will give you a break -- and the girls a break as well. Can you take an afternoon and just wander around the mall (or wal-mart) or somewhere -- just to be by yourself? Sounds like this might help a bit. Maybe go to a grown up movie by yourself and just vedge..... |
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Tue Sep 18, 2007 1:39 am |
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