| peabody
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Hey, I'm new here but after reading alot of posts I thought you all would understand and maybe help me with my problem, so here goes. I have always been very tiny (until now) Two years ago I had extensive back surgery to straighten my spine and to fuse 3 ruptured discs together, I was out of work for about 2 years, I am, or was, before all this, a work mule!! I loved to go to work! I loved my job and all the people I worked with. Before I had surgery I had to be out of work about 6 months, because the pain became so bad and I lost most of the feeling in my right leg and foot. Needless to say I became very depressed, I had always been the one to take care of everyone and now I couldn't even take care of myself. I had to have help with even the basic needs (bathing & so forth)
Okay so thats how I went from 130 lbs. to 193lbs :shock:
I am doing very good now :D I am working, low paying job but still I am working! I refused to give up!
So here is my problem, people now see me and make very rude comments about my weight gain. One man asked me how much more weight was I planning on gaining! I have been on the SBD for almost 5 weeks I have went from 193lbs to 178lbs!!!!!I am very proud of my accomplishments, but this weekend I was at a birthday party for my aunt and a older lady who had always been real sweet before came up to me and said "Your'e so fat I almost didn't recognize you! I was embarrassed and hurt. I know I am overweight, but I am trying to get back in shape, why do people feel they have the right to comment to me like this, it happens all the time. I'm not they type of person who will say something rude back, so please tell me a polite way to let people know this is Unacceptable!!!!! |
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Tue Sep 11, 2007 3:35 pm |
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| lovielareau
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first off, let me say how sorry i am that people are talking to you like that. if they knew you before, you would think they would understand what you have gone through.
also, congrats on your weight loss! you are on the right track and SBD can help you get to where you want to be.
as far as commenting back when people make those horrendously inappropriate comments, you could say something like "i understand your concern, it definitely became harder to keep in shape after my spinal surgeries, but i am making changes to get back on track and hope you can be supportive while i work to get back into shape"
that is a bit long, maybe someone else can come up with something shorter. i would have a hard time not being rude in my response. i admire that you want to be the better person and stay polite. |
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Tue Sep 11, 2007 4:04 pm |
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| peabody
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| Thank you so much for the kind words. I believe the reason I have a hard time saying something back is because it always shocks me. I have never and would never comment on someones weight unless it was to pay a compliment! It's just hard for me to understand why other wise "nice" people feel they have the right to make unkind and rude comments to other people. The one good thing that came out of my weight gain is I have more empathy to people who are trying to lose weight, because it is alot of hard work!! :!: |
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Tue Sep 11, 2007 4:39 pm |
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| nygirl22
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I would say "excuse me?" as if confused and shocked -- as you should be when someone says something so asinine.
My relatives say stupid things like that. It's like they were never taught better. My aunt said to some younger female cousins of mine, "you need to stop drinking, you're getting beer bellies." She was the only one w/ the belly! They're not at all fat. Just rude. |
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Tue Sep 11, 2007 4:48 pm |
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| lisa30
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Why should you be polite when they are so rude?
You should say that you would prefer not to be called fat, and that more supportive comments are much more helpful while you are trying to lose weight and get in shape again!
Of course be smiley while saying this to keep to mood light, but make sure they get the message!
You could say yes i am so fat but i have still got feelings and would appreciate positive comments rather than negative comments! |
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Tue Sep 11, 2007 5:05 pm |
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| ladybugnessa
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for me i've never had anyone be that rude but i'd be rude right back
to "when did you get so fat?" I'd counter with "when did you get so rude?"
to "boy you've gained weight" I'd say "yeah and you got ignorant didn't you?"
why give them power? the pain you feel from them being ignorant is just your self-hatred.
who cares what others think? |
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Tue Sep 11, 2007 5:25 pm |
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| RedRox
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| my short answer violates the rules of the forum! ;) :lol: |
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Tue Sep 11, 2007 8:46 pm |
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| Reignking
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Red, seems male minds think alike...
I had "Tell them to..." before I deleted the two initialed words after it. |
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Tue Sep 11, 2007 8:51 pm |
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| RedRox
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| I wasn't so concerned about proper sentence structure so only had the two words you left off! :lol: |
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Tue Sep 11, 2007 8:56 pm |
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| hellolost
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Turn with a puzzled look on your face and say. "wow, was that a nice thing to say to me or did you forget I had feelings for a moment there?" Then turn and walk away. Let them stew in their own rudeness.
Jerks |
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Tue Sep 11, 2007 9:49 pm |
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| cortcase
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Yeah, there's no way I could be polite in that situation. That's so incredibly rude.
People have a real fascination with weight. Once you're down near your goal weight, be prepared for people to make equally rude comments/ask intrusive questions about your weight loss. No matter what the circumstances, people seem to embrace any opportunity to insert their feet in their mouths.
At any rate, it sounds like you are doing extremely well. I really applaud you for making it through your back struggles and for wanting to get healthy. Living well is the best revenge! :) |
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Tue Sep 11, 2007 11:36 pm |
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| SALAD!
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I was about 3 days into SB when I pulled up to Applebees for a business lunch. Three men in military uniforms shouted "SALAD!" "SALAD!" "SALAD!" at me. It was truly so shocking that I couldn't respond.
I've been overweight of varying degrees most of my life and I think that was the absolute meanest thing anyone ever said to my face.
I made it my name on here so that when I see it, I get fired up....I'm turning their hatefulness into my success.
But, if I could ever think fast enough....one of my favorites is "Well, I can lose weight, but there isn't much you can do about being ugly - is there?" |
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Wed Sep 12, 2007 1:18 am |
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| pucksgirl
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Quote: I believe the reason I have a hard time saying something back is because it always shocks me.
Pea-I hear you on that one. I get the same way. I am shocked that someone would say something like that to me.
Recently, I went to a store where I used to buy lottery tickets all the time. I loved the owner and he was so nice to me. I stopped in after a bit to say hello and buy my ticket (we are talking $1 scratch offs here ) and he says to me "you have put on a lot of weight since I've seen you last" I kind of looked at him puzzled, hoping my non-verbals would end the conversation. It did not. He continued on with "I mean a lot a lot". Everyone in the store was staring at me. I was mortified. I didn't even know what to say. Of course I would love to come back with a witty comeback as other's said, but I was so shocked. Who says that???
I think it comes on a daily basis. Just the small comments people make, not directly to me, but in general. Seeing someone on tv "oh, she's gotten so fat". Ok, so if ms. famous is fat...what the heck does that make me?? Its really a hard topic to deal with. I feel your anger/frustration with other people.
Quote: I was about 3 days into SB when I pulled up to Applebees for a business lunch. Three men in military uniforms shouted "SALAD!" "SALAD!" "SALAD!" at me. It was truly so shocking that I couldn't respond.
I am apalled by this comment Salad. Some people are so rude. To come from the military men, they should be ashamed.
I am so happy that you have turned it into fuel for your fire and you remember that and strive to carry on. Inspirational. |
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Wed Sep 12, 2007 1:32 am |
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| cortcase
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Wow, Salad, I think I would have popped my top. Of course, I probably have anger management issues ;) but I just get so enraged when I hear stories like that!
My friend at work is seven months pregnant. Oh, the things people say to her. Such as: "I wouldn't want to run into YOU" (like she's a giant barge) and "Are you pregnant, or just overweight?" Ugh!
People need to keep their comments to themselves when it comes to other people's bodies. Just because you think it doesn't mean it has to come out of your mouth. One day they're going to say it to the wrong person. |
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Wed Sep 12, 2007 1:39 am |
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| pucksgirl
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As we say at work, keep your filter up. sometimes someoene will say something uncalled for, and we just say "filter down". some people's filters work, others don't!
I agree with cort....not everything that is thought needs to be said. if i said everything i thought, i would probably lose my job!!!! |
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Wed Sep 12, 2007 2:25 am |
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