| tyin'aknot
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Why is it so hard for women to accept compliments?
Perhaps it's just me. I don't know. But Sunday I received my first "Hey, you look great! Are you losing weight?" comment. It was from a very nice lady whom I consider a friend.
It caught me off guard - no one has paid me a compliment for YEARS, and I've "only" lost about 16 pounds. I immediately stammered "Uh, yeah, a little" and she said "Well you look great!" And I thought to myself "I've got 150 pounds of fat to lose yet, how can anyone tell I've lost anything."
Now, realize this is happening in the middle of the hallway at church. But I swear I could hear the little angel and devil sitting on my shoulders arguing at each other! (The angel won - I thanked her and told the lady I'm feeling better, too).
Why is it so hard to just accept an honest, sincere compliment? I see women making excuses all the time when someone pays them a compliment.
So, why is it so hard for women to accept someone's opinion/compliment? Why can't we just say "Hey, I do look great today, don't I?"
Do MEN ever have problems accepting a compliment? |
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Thu Sep 06, 2007 8:56 am |
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| RedRox
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| yep! ;) I work on it just like you do! :) |
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Thu Sep 06, 2007 10:03 am |
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| dcblonde58
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| I think it's that people are in a negative frame of mind when it comes to how they feel about themselves. For example, if I have even a few pounds to lose, I automatically feel like I'm a beached whale and my perception of how others view me is even worse. I don't think I'm alone in those thoughts. So, when someone catches us off guard by noticing our progress, the first thought is to add a negative spin to it when instead we should be thinking, "you know, I AM losing weight and people are noticing." Add a little jig to that, and do a happy dance! |
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Thu Sep 06, 2007 11:22 am |
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| lovielareau
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isn't that crazy? no one will ever be as critical of us as ourselves. we tell ourselves so many times that we are "unattractive" or "fat" it takes a while to get out of that mindset.
when i get compliments, i feel like they are just saying that to make me feel better because they know i am trying. if only it was as easy to lose that habit as it is to lose the weight! |
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Thu Sep 06, 2007 2:08 pm |
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| enm
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| I tend to do the same thing. For some reason I can't take a compliment. When someone asks"Have you lost weight?" I usually say Yeah- a little. I don't know whether it is because I feel like Im bragging to say- Yeah I lost 20 lbs!. Or maybe because it is admitting to someone that I had that amount of weight to lose. Don't know. I feel good about my weight loss inside, but get embarrassed when someone asks about it.... |
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Thu Sep 06, 2007 3:38 pm |
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| lisa30
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I really hate it when people tell me that i have put on weight!!! I mean like i didn't know, but thanks for telling me anyway :evil:
I like people to notice when i loose weight, it makes me feel good that it is noticeable. However i never believe people when they say i look good or even pretty...it also makes me feel uncomfortable and i don't really know what to say :?: |
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Thu Sep 06, 2007 9:05 pm |
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| Jadzia
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Having a hard time accepting a compliment is usually related to a bad self-esteem (or not really believing the compliment).
I remember once at the office. I wore a new outfit that day, and one of my coworker told me I look great in it. I don't really remember how I exactly reacted, but she told me later I seemed not to be used to getting compliments. I realized afterwards I didn't really believe I look great, so somewhere in my mind, my reaction must have been something between "She says that only to make me feel good" and "She must think I usually dress badly"... even though I knew it was a genuine compliment !
I don't know if it works with you, but I found what helped me the most was to start telling myself at least a compliment a day... Like instead of paying attention to my fat belly, taking some time to realize that my hair, my hair (or any part of my body I like or think has improved) look great. It took me some time, but now, when I receive a compliment, I'm just plainly happy ! |
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Thu Sep 06, 2007 9:48 pm |
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| lisad71
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enm wrote: I tend to do the same thing. For some reason I can't take a compliment. When someone asks"Have you lost weight?" I usually say Yeah- a little. I don't know whether it is because I feel like Im bragging to say- Yeah I lost 20 lbs!. Or maybe because it is admitting to someone that I had that amount of weight to lose. Don't know. I feel good about my weight loss inside, but get embarrassed when someone asks about it....
I'm the exact same way. I think for me it is a self-esteem issue because for most of my life when the subject of my appearance and/or weight came up, it was usually something negative, so my guard is always up if someone makes a comment. |
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Sun Sep 09, 2007 7:24 pm |
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