Am i the only one to do this???

lisa30 · Tue Sep 04, 2007 4:15 pm

I go out to buy clothes and buy them too small??!!

It is because if i see something i like, i don't want to throw it away at goal weight because it would be too big.

So i buy it in the size i am going to be.

Besides, i have gone out over the past few days specifically to buy what i call fat clothes (clothes to fit me now) and i cannot get trousers that fit me or look good on me...it really gets me down! Skirts are a no no because i have very thick legs and i cannot zip any of my boots up.....so it really has to be trousers.

I have a party coming up and i dont want to go because i have gained weight again...i feel very embarrassed about it and my self esteem is low, especially when i cannot find anything to wear! :cry:

I am considering coming up with an excuse not to go which will upset my partner. I wouldn't tell him the real reason for not going because he wouldnt understand. I feel like im being selfish but i really dont want to go to a place full of dressed up people when i will be really self conscious and feeling frumpy.

sh1nyblueyes · Tue Sep 04, 2007 4:39 pm

don't worry, i have definately bought clothes that i love that are too small for me in the past. i know, it sounds so silly. . .lol but now that i am losing i am starting to fit into them and my family is like "where did those come from?". haha. about the party. . . .i don't know what size you are, but have you tried shopping at Lane Bryant? they carry plus sizes and i shop their all the time. just stay positive, if you stay on the sb you will slowly start shrinking. if you don't feel comfortable going to the party, then don't go. but maybe you should give your partner an honest reason why, and if they don't understand try explaining to them why you need them to understand. . . .you might be surprised and they might get it. if they don't, that is an issue you might want to address because this is is a lifestyle issue and losing weight/getting healthy is a lot easier if you surround yourself with supportive people. good luck!

bio fish · Tue Sep 04, 2007 6:44 pm

Reconsider skipping the party. No one there will be half as critical of your appearance as you. If you go you'll probably have a good time, if you stay home you'll probably just feel worse about yourself and feeling guilty for disappointing your partner.

As for the nothing to wear I sympathize. Is there a woman out there who has an easy time finding pants than fit right? I know you said skirts were out but have you considered a longer skirt, they can hide a lot and if you wear them with a pair a heels almost anyone's ankles look great.

To boost your confidence try wearing/ doing something to make you feel fabulous that isn't weight dependant. Get a new hair cut, buy a pair of shoes you love, wear some great jewelry to draw attention to your face anything that will make you feel pretty. If you're confident and having fun no one will notice if your trousers are a little tight.

tyin'aknot · Wed Sep 05, 2007 1:49 pm

One of the first (and hardest) concepts I think overweight people need to conquer is the fact that they are MORE than their weight. I used to think the same way - I missed parties, wouldn't go out with friends, etc., because I was "fat" and didn't like the way I looked.

That went on for years. Then my beautiful sister died at 38 due to accute myloid leukemia. I watched her body literally rot away over 5 months. She left behind and husband and two daughters - 13 and 12.

And it hit me: That could be me at any time. I could get hit by a bus. I could have a heart attack. I could become a victim of crime. I could just die in my sleep. And if that happens (which someday, it will), will the life I live be better or worse for sitting home and feeling sorry for myself about being fat.

That's when I went on line and ordered a 3X size bathing suit, and started swimming every chance I could. Just recently, we had a pool party for Sunday School classes at a neighbor's house. And guess what - I was the ONLY parent who got in the pool to swim with kids, even kids 3 years old. Their parents all sat on the deck and made excuses why they wouldn't swim. Even the person whose house we were at wouldn't swim.

So, you know what - I got in the pool, all nearly 300 pounds of me in my one-piece, and I swam for almost 5 hours with the kids. And I created memories. And those kids are going to remember the day that the Crazy lady from church swam and played games with them with their parents sat around like bumps on a log.

I still struggle with trying to look my best everyday. Many days, I don't wear makeup or do my hair. But I've worked past the issue that I am what I LOOK like. I'm a spirit trapped in this body, which is slowly improving, thanks to the SB way.

Cry about not looking right this minute the way you want. Then look the best you can and GO TO THE PARTY. Life is too short.

Chell962 · Wed Sep 05, 2007 2:00 pm

Tyin' -- what a beautiful post. My condolences on the loss of your wonderful sister, but what a lovely lesson she gave to you!

It's easy when you are overweight to feel bad, to procrastinate in seeking new experiences, to pass by opportunities because YOU feel uncomfortable with YOU ... not because other people feel uncomfortable with you. This thread describes how I've felt that past several months especially... I appreciate someone providing the words to what I've been thinking.

As I've been known to quote when I wasn't quite so overwhelmed.. sometimes you just have to fake it... so you can make it.

I'm going to try and do one of those things I've been avoiding today. Let's see how that goes!

CW383 · Wed Sep 05, 2007 2:02 pm

I hate clothes shopping period. I did need to buy new jeans a couple of weeks ago and just went in, grabbed 2 pairs and didn't try them on until I got home. One pair fit perfectly. The other pair were a bit too snug. The ones that fit perfectly are now a bit loose and the ones that were snug are now perfect!

One of my personal goals is to fit into a sweater that my sister gave me for christmas 2 years ago. It didn't fit then and I'm hoping by Christmas this year it will fit and I will wear it!!

:)

lisa30 · Wed Sep 05, 2007 5:57 pm

tyin'aknot wrote: One of the first (and hardest) concepts I think overweight people need to conquer is the fact that they are MORE than their weight. I used to think the same way - I missed parties, wouldn't go out with friends, etc., because I was "fat" and didn't like the way I looked.

That went on for years. Then my beautiful sister died at 38 due to accute myloid leukemia. I watched her body literally rot away over 5 months. She left behind and husband and two daughters - 13 and 12.

And it hit me: That could be me at any time. I could get hit by a bus. I could have a heart attack. I could become a victim of crime. I could just die in my sleep. And if that happens (which someday, it will), will the life I live be better or worse for sitting home and feeling sorry for myself about being fat.

That's when I went on line and ordered a 3X size bathing suit, and started swimming every chance I could. Just recently, we had a pool party for Sunday School classes at a neighbor's house. And guess what - I was the ONLY parent who got in the pool to swim with kids, even kids 3 years old. Their parents all sat on the deck and made excuses why they wouldn't swim. Even the person whose house we were at wouldn't swim.

So, you know what - I got in the pool, all nearly 300 pounds of me in my one-piece, and I swam for almost 5 hours with the kids. And I created memories. And those kids are going to remember the day that the Crazy lady from church swam and played games with them with their parents sat around like bumps on a log.

I still struggle with trying to look my best everyday. Many days, I don't wear makeup or do my hair. But I've worked past the issue that I am what I LOOK like. I'm a spirit trapped in this body, which is slowly improving, thanks to the SB way.

Cry about not looking right this minute the way you want. Then look the best you can and GO TO THE PARTY. Life is too short.

wow YOU HAVE A GREAT ATTITUDE! tHANKS FOR SHARING :D

i THINK PART OF MY PROBLEM IS I THINK PEOPLE ARE NOTICING WHAT I LOOK LIKE AND HOW QUICKLY I HAVE PUT WEIGHT ON...AND IF SOME ONE MAKES A COMMENT LIKE ARE YOU STILL EATING, OR LOOK AT ME WHEN I TAKE ANOTHER SERVING I FEEL REALLY UPSET!

i LOOK AT OTHER PEOPLE AND THEIR SHAPE, I ESPECIALLY LOOK AT WHAT I THINK ARE MY PROBLEM AREAS ON OTHER PEOPLE (I HAVE REALLY THICK ANKLES, SO I LOOK AT ANKLES A LOT)....SO I ASSUME OTHERS ARE LOOKING AT ME IN THE SAME WAY.

i THINK WOMEN SPECIALIZE IN COMPARING IN SUCH A WAY, OR IS IT REALLY JUST ME??

hot40something · Wed Sep 05, 2007 6:34 pm

Lisa,
I am new (first week of P2) and hardly a success story. But I want to share with you something that has really given me inspiration. I have it bookmarked:

http://www.southbeach-diet-plan.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=62584

Copy and paste it in a new window. You may not look like the last picture anymore, but I bet you don't look or feel the same as you did in the first picture.

We are women and our bodies (and hormones) change alot as we get older. Please don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing the best you can with what you have got right now. You are trying your best, and that is all anyone, including yourself, can ask of you.

Buy a new outfit if you need too. Dress Barn has very nice outfits that are very resonably priced. Have a wonderful time at your party.

lisa30 · Wed Sep 05, 2007 6:42 pm

hot40something wrote: Lisa,
I am new (first week of P2) and hardly a success story. But I want to share with you something that has really given me inspiration. I have it bookmarked:

http://www.southbeach-diet-plan.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=62584

Copy and paste it in a new window. You may not look like the last picture anymore, but I bet you don't look or feel the same as you did in the first picture.

We are women and our bodies (and hormones) change alot as we get older. Please don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing the best you can with what you have got right now. You are trying your best, and that is all anyone, including yourself, can ask of you.

Buy a new outfit if you need too. Dress Barn has very nice outfits that are very resonably priced. Have a wonderful time at your party.

Thanks you are lovely :D

lisad71 · Sun Sep 09, 2007 7:35 pm

tyin'aknot - Your post brought tears to my eyes!

lisa30 - I know what you are going through and there are times when I want to cancel meetings or skip events because I don't want people to see me when I'm fat. I was seriously going to cancel a speaking engagement last month because I didn't want a bunch of people to have to look at a fat blob. And I can't even begin to tell you how many family gatherings I have missed over the past ten years. What I've done is really sad and pathetic and I'm working as hard on changing myself mentally as I am physically.

Lane Bryant has some nice things and so does Talbot Woman if you're lucky enough to have one of those around. Only drawback is that both are kinda expensive, but if this is an important engagement for you and your partner, you may want to invest in a nice outfit that you feel really good in.

Good luck!

Lynt · Sun Sep 09, 2007 9:19 pm

Hon, unless the only reason you go to events is to see and be seen and are a celebrity so that all eyes and cameras will be trained on you, please go to the party. People aren't giving the party so they can critique your weight. They're giving it to celebrate something, or because they want to gather friends together. Your S/O wants his Lady with him, and every couple needs some shared social life. You can damage your self esteem and your relationship by clinging to this thinking! We are more than our waistlines..we are neat human beings with a lot to give. Your S/O must think so, or he wouldn't be your S/O! You're special and need to get over feeling that weight is the most important thing about you. It's far from it!

AleciaBneedstobefreed · Mon Sep 10, 2007 3:10 am

Lisa, you are not looking at yourself the way others look at you. I do the same thing. Wonder if people are looking and me and judging me. You are wonderful at any weight you are and you deserve a new outfit that makes you look and feel beautiful.

lisa30 · Mon Sep 10, 2007 8:14 pm

Thanks so much for the very supportive advice......i know you are right and i am more than my weight, but i cannot help how i feel.

I am a size 14 to 16 in english clothes so is that 12 to 14 in the US? My weight is evenly spread so i have thick legs and arms which are very wobbly plus my butt and belly stick out. This being the case, i try to cover everything!

I seem to be between sizes so when i try to buy new clothes, nothing fits right and if something fits ok ish....it looks awful? So this doesnt help my self esteem!

Anyway enuff about that...i put myself in this place so i will get myself out and soon i will look great again.

DebbyC · Sat Sep 15, 2007 6:52 pm

Lisa, I rapidly gained weight after being at my all time low last summer. I tried to diet and didn't lose weight and I HATED going out of my house, but I have to work! I broke down and pulled out 14W slacks that fit okay - and went to JC Penny where I had to buy their 16w and a couple of tops - I felt so much better dealing with people and myself...and it actually gave me incentive to start SBD...now, those 16ws are baggy, the 14ws are a little loose - I still can't get into my normal 14s, but that will come.

all that to say - get a few things that you look and feel good in and I think it will boost your self image...its depressing when you're trying to look okay in things that don't fit. Go buy new pants, skirt, tops and UNDERWEAR!!! Then laugh when you have to sent them off to goodwill or your local church closet

Oh, and go to the party - go to a store where they sell attractive close for women - not sticks! buy something you like and well, screw anyone who looks at you as a figure, not a person!!!!

lisa30 · Mon Sep 17, 2007 7:59 pm

It is so true that you feel much better when you have clothes that fit well and look good!

I went around a few charity shops in my area and found some trousers, jeans and tops.

They will get me through the next couple of months!

I didnt go to the party after all which i don't regret at all, i only feel guilty because my boyfriend would have preferred me there. I had to work in the end but i said i might go afterwards but i really didn't want to and so i didnt.

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