| newbie_sbder
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So last night, my boyfriend got really drunk and was verbally abusive to me. He woke me up several times during the night, demanding sex. I didn't want to, because I knew he couldn't perform anyway, and we both needed sleep. He was ranting about how I should just leave his house then, if I didn't want to have sex with him.
I made him wait til morning, when he had slept off the alcohol and the sex was fantastic as always. (If it wasn't, I wouldn't be asking the question I'm leading up to). So, today, when we were talking about it, he apologized, but said he felt really bad because his neighbors saw how drunk he was. (The neighbors only saw him stumbling around, not getting naked and demanding sex from me). My reaction (which I kept inside) was 'I can't believe you care more about the neighbors seeing you stumble, than you care about me having to listen to your threats for not wanting to have sex with you?'
I love this man dearly. I've known him for 16 years, (dating the past 14 months) and we have great chemistry. He always says that the sex with me is the best he's ever had, and I feel the same way.
What do you guys/gals think about the future of this relationship? Am I a fool to stay? Or a fool to leave the best chemistry I ever had? I haven't dated anyone with a drinking problem before, but I know this guy has one. There must be drinkers out there who have happy relationships. Can this work? Thanks for taking the time to respond. |
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Tue Aug 07, 2007 7:24 pm |
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| hellolost
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As far as I can tell you have three choices.
1. Leave him
2. Leave the house when he starts drinking. Which can be very hard if you live with him.
3. Have a sit down with him. Explain what happened. Ask him to either stop drinking or have a cut off point. Tell him if he gets like that again you have two choices. You can break it off with him or he can go get help.
I live with a man who drinks. He doesn't get like that often but it does happen when he has what I call the mean beer. In my 17 year relationship it has probably happened about 5 or 6 times. Generally you can tell when it is coming and talk him down. Or feed him a large quantity of food so that the booze is soaked up. Anything to stop him from drinking any more.
This may have been a weird once in a lifetime thing. Only time can tell.
In regards to the neighbor I almost understand. You will forgive him if he makes a mistake or looks like an ass. The neighbor doesn't have to do that. |
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Tue Aug 07, 2007 9:18 pm |
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| lovielareau
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if he has a drinking problem and becomes abusive when he drinks, be it verbal or otherwise he needs help. you need to talk to him about how his actions make you feel and ask him how he feels about himself after he gets over his drunkenness. if you truly love him, then you should try and help him get over his addiction to alcohol. urge him to go to AA or seek help from a similar organization. don't keep alcohol in the house and try to avoid places and people that will get him drinking or drunk.
if he refuses to seek help or change you should leave. there is so much more to love and relationships than sex and the best sex in the world isn't worth putting up with abuse.
best of luck to you in whatever happens! |
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Wed Aug 08, 2007 2:16 am |
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| RedRox
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| Alcoholics do not get better on their own. If you are willing to trade great sex for a lifetime of issues, stay. If not, leave. JMO. |
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Wed Aug 08, 2007 2:32 pm |
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| lorka150
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| I agree with Red. And what a random question from a first time poster! |
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Thu Aug 09, 2007 5:25 am |
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| Reignking
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lorka150 wrote: I agree with Red. And what a random question from a first time poster!
I didn't want to be the first one to say it :) |
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Thu Aug 09, 2007 1:10 pm |
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| 2of3
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I bet we were all thinking it, because I was thinking it too.
2/3 |
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Thu Aug 09, 2007 1:12 pm |
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| ladybugnessa
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| sometimes it's easier to ask strangers questions like this than it is friends. |
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Thu Aug 09, 2007 1:14 pm |
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| Reignking
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ladybugnessa wrote: sometimes it's easier to ask strangers questions like this than it is friends.
I thought that, too -- kind of like how someone has multiple logins so that he can answer questions without the "history" of his original alias. |
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Thu Aug 09, 2007 2:08 pm |
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| ladybugnessa
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Reignking wrote: ladybugnessa wrote: sometimes it's easier to ask strangers questions like this than it is friends.
I thought that, too -- kind of like how someone has multiple logins so that he can answer questions without the "history" of his original alias.
what's your implication? |
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Thu Aug 09, 2007 2:11 pm |
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| Reignking
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ladybugnessa wrote: Reignking wrote: ladybugnessa wrote: sometimes it's easier to ask strangers questions like this than it is friends.
I thought that, too -- kind of like how someone has multiple logins so that he can answer questions without the "history" of his original alias.
what's your implication?
Um...that some people use multiple aliases. |
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Thu Aug 09, 2007 2:17 pm |
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| ladybugnessa
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Reignking wrote: ladybugnessa wrote: Reignking wrote: ladybugnessa wrote: sometimes it's easier to ask strangers questions like this than it is friends.
I thought that, too -- kind of like how someone has multiple logins so that he can answer questions without the "history" of his original alias.
what's your implication?
Um...that some people use multiple aliases.
easy enough for a mod to check. |
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Thu Aug 09, 2007 2:28 pm |
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| Reignking
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| Yeah, but I don't think we need that to happen. It was just pointed out that this may not be a new poster, but someone that wanted to ask a question under a different alias. I was just pointing out that people do have reasons for having multiple aliases, such as this person may, and the other person did. |
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Thu Aug 09, 2007 2:36 pm |
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| Reignking
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| In fact, that's a terrible idea. If this person is using a secondary alias, then she -doesn't- want it associated with her "real" alias. |
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Thu Aug 09, 2007 2:39 pm |
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| lorka150
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Reignking wrote: In fact, that's a terrible idea. If this person is using a secondary alias, then she -doesn't- want it associated with her "real" alias.
I didn't even think of that - makes sense, obviously. With a question like this, I'd prefer to be incognito, also.
My apologies to the original poster. But I still agree with Red - if someone is abusing you, get out of there. |
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Thu Aug 09, 2007 3:26 pm |
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