| Chanel
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i've never been quite so weight-obsessed as i've become this year. after i gained ten pounds 2 years ago (seems so insignificant, doesn't it?) my whole mind-set about food changed. suddenly, i couldn't eat anything i wanted anymore. the bulging love handles protruding from my once form-fitting jeans were just too much for me to bear. i tried a bunch of diets, but nothing worked. finally, one day, after eating way too much junk food and feeling really depressed, i came up with this fantastic idea: i could throw up my food! well...it wasn't such a great idea. i couldn't stop doing it. and now, six months later, i thought i was through with that junk. i guess i was wrong. i don't know what happened. i've been on the sbd for 3 weeks now, and have not cheated once. today was my first day on phase II and i started with a small apple in the afternoon. it was all downhill from there. suddenly, i had this acute craving for some of the chocolate brownies i had made yesterday for my mom's party (which, by the way, i hadn't even touched while making). that craving, along with my very vulnerable state (i just broke up with my boyfriend yesterday), and all these brainwashing tv commercials for valentine's day, pushed me to the edge. so i had a brownie. and then two. and then i felt really horrible. and i had a chocolate cookie. and another one. suddenly, i couldn't bear the thought of all that sugar and carbs in my clean system (which i've worked so hard to maintain these past few weeks). i just caved. i ran to the bathroom and threw it all up. now i feel like the most disgusting thing in the world and i don't ever want to look at food again.
i know this isn't normal (trust me). and i'd really appreciate it if people could hold off on all the lectures about how this is really dangerous and unhealthy. i know. i just need a few words of support.
i feel like i should start all over again on phase I. would that be a good idea? |
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Thu Feb 12, 2004 11:17 pm |
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| butterfly
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Sorry to hear about your troubles/////But one thing is for sure I wouldn't be cooking any sweets for anybody else right now.I just wanted to let you know reaching out is the 1st step for help...I do know if you have any type of spirituality you could lean towards.but I find it to be helpful in times of trouble....And I am older now I have learned to accept myself more and that men aren't who define us.........WE are.....
As to answer your question about PH I........I can't .....Sugar is definitely a trigger for you....Sometimes when I have tried to overcome an addiction (I have had many) I would write my triggers down....and try to keep myself in a calmer space......
Best of luck- |
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Thu Feb 12, 2004 11:30 pm |
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| busybee
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| I hear ya. I had anorexia about 2 years ago and then battled with obsessive overeating mixed in with bouts of starvation. I even tried throwing up my food after eating a dozen otis spunkmeyer cookies once, but I phyiscally couldn't do it (which, i guess was a good thing). however, my wacko eating habits screwed up my metabolism so here i am, 50+ pounds heavier than I was 2 years ago (and you thought your 10 pounds was bad? ) I'm also on my 3rd week of SBD. so far i've only lost 6 pounds but i think it's giving me the confidence to eat "normally" for the past 2 years, I really didn't know what eating normally really meant. During my anorexic stage, I'd only have a peach a day, whereas my overeating stage I'd have cookies, brownies, huge bowls of ice cream sundaes, pizza, mac and cheese, you name it. And i know what it feels like to feel so horrible after binging. I've often ran to the bathroom to hide and cry after eating everything in site. I know this behavior is bad, but it's just so addicting. But I've made up my mind to change because I can't ruin the only body I have. We can do this together. you're lucky that you've only put on 10 pounds. I still have a lot to lose......but I'm going to keep on trying :) |
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Fri Feb 13, 2004 12:28 am |
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| Chanel
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| ...yea, you're right. ten pounds isn't a lot, but there's just so much pressure in this world to look perfect. it's a miracle for someone not to be affected. i read somewhere that 86% of all women will have dieted during there lifetimes (i'm not sure what the number is for men). anyway, it's really depressing that we live in a society which imposes unhealthy food choices on us (through sneaky junk food advertisements) and then tells us we're too fat. my grandmother used to tell me that when she was my age, it was fashionable to be overweight. hah. i wish i was born about 90 years ago. |
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Fri Feb 13, 2004 12:35 am |
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| sunshineluv7
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Hey chanel...
i can't relate to being anorexic... but about relapsing to comfort food...
look at it like this: it didn't screw up your diet. This diet is a little harder than others in a way I think because you really have to make the commitment to change your entire lifestyle-the way you eat. But life gets stressful sometimes, and if some brownies or some cookies (or both) are going to make you feel better, and nothing else is getting you out of the down mood, then go for it.
We only have one life to live-yes we all want to look our best-but what's more important, being temporarily made happy every once in a while by eating something we know isn't healthy for us, or being sad and then hating ourselves for eating something that seemed to make us happy?
and about the sugar-maybe you wanted them for the chocolate-chocolate releases the same endorphins as love, so that's probably what you were looking to replace.
my advice to you is to just think of it as a "time out" from your diet-you don't have to start all over again, just get back on track. I had a rough week myself, and definitely took a "time out" last night-mud pie madness at friendly's!! and I Just got into stage 2 a week ago! I did split it, but either way... I kind of felt guilty, you know-but I"m not going to let it destroy everything I've been working for, just the way I don't think you should be too upset about your "time-out"-as long as you know you fudged the plan a little, understand it, accept it, and let it go- and then just keep going.
I know this wasn't really about purging it up-but hun, it was only once.... and you're going thru some stressful stuff!! (v-day, breakup, brownie temptation!) so don't feel bad :) just get right back on track, act like it never happened! haha. Or go exercise for hte next three days or so-the next time it happens-instead of purging it. (if it happens again!)
and we're here for you:) |
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Fri Feb 13, 2004 1:10 am |
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| Chanel
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| thanks for your support, i really do appreciate it. yea, i was thinking about exercising my "mistakes" off, but would you believe it? i was so distraught and mad at myself that i wouldn't even give myself the chance. when people binge, they usually feel pretty hopeless afterwards, and sometimes panic (like me). for example, i could'nt even bear the thought of all that fat being digested in my body. i had to get rid of it, completely. i really hope this doesn't happen again. i don't know how i'm gonna get through saturday. i hate valentine's day... (sorry to be so cynical here). but if you're boyfriend suddenly decided to go back to the girl that cheated on him, and ditched you--who for months comforted him and treated him with love and fairness--and you had no idea it was coming, you would be pretty cynical too. ( i know that probably didn't make any sense--i'm just trying to make myself feel better). i guess it's just bad karma or something... |
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Fri Feb 13, 2004 1:50 am |
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| sunshineluv7
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I hear you about being cynical about valentine's day... and wow, what an (put stronger word than "jerk" here)
i was kind of in a similar situation a while ago, actually. one thing i learned is that if a guy takes you forgranted once (as with your guy "forgetting" how much you cared for him and treated him with love and fairnes)-he will inevitably never really be thankful for you, or "get it" as i call it, even if he does in certain moments. and if he goes back to some chick who cheated on him, he's just dumb!! lol- i'm sorry. i know it must hurt a ton-esp around valentine's day...
and i think i mentioned this (i dont remember) but i can't really relate to not wanting the fat in your body myself, but i just realized i did know someone who was bulimic-and so i guess i can understand-i heard her talk about it-and i have had the panicky "oh my gosh, what did i just eat!" feeling-and thought about it-but i coudln't bring myself to do it-
but all you can really do at this point is forgive yourself... :) don't stress about it... tomorrow is a new day!!! |
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Fri Feb 13, 2004 2:00 am |
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| Ahorsesoul
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Chanel,
Please do not feel angry with yourself for this binge. You had an upsetting experience. This is how you dealt with it.
Any one who would use your caring spirit for HIS recovery does not deserve to have YOU. You are way too good for him. Toss anything he left into the trash along with the brownies! Give it a good stomp with your foot. Unless he brings you a brand new Mercedes (paid for and titled in your name only) do not let him back in your door.
On Valentine's day, treat yourself to something very special. Spend the time with your family or friends or with a good book. Get dressed up. Go look at Mercedes, take a test drive, it might be fun!
You have the support of everyone on this board. |
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Fri Feb 13, 2004 2:12 am |
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| shannalynn
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| DON"T YOU LET THIS DAMN THING (I CALL IT THE BIG B...) PULL YOU DOWN...ALL THE CRAP YOU ATE WILL BE GONE IN A DAY OR SO...START OVER...I HAVE BATTLED WITH THIS THING FOR 12 YEARS AND I'VE HAD DAYS I JUST WANTED TO LAY DOWN AND FREAKIN DIE...I AM 34, PROFESSIONAL, WELL EDUCATED, 5'9 AND 140...I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND THE OBSESSIVE MENTALITY ABOUT THE WEIGHT..I'VE BEEN TOLD MOST OF MY ADULT LIKE THAT I AM "HOT" AND "SOOO SKINNY" IT BECAME MY IDENTITY..THE THOUGHT OF PUTTING ON 5 POUNDS SENDS ME INTO A TOTAL TAILSPIN...THIS DIET IS NOT ABOUT GETTING OR STAYING INTO A SIZE 6 FOR ME..IT'S ABOUT BEING NORMAL FOR ONCE!!!! |
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Tue Feb 17, 2004 12:12 am |
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| Angel0428
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| Don't give up on yourself...as women we have to love ourselves and do for us...we are meant to be put under so much pressure....The South Beach diet is great...if you fall off the wagon while dieting; like you did; drink some water, and eat something healthy behind it...go for a walk....don't throw up your food....It's not worth it....YOU'LL BE OKAY....The South Beach diet is one of the best diets I have ever tried....I lost 10 pounds the first week...I always did 2 hours of aerobics before bed...don't eat before bed too.....GOOD LUCK LADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think you'll be great....Women were meant to shine...... |
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Thu May 27, 2004 1:20 pm |
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