Anyone else recovering from an Eating Disorder?

sprkl325 · Sun Nov 14, 2004 6:35 am

Hi--I too am a recovering anorexic. My situation sounded a lot like Jin's. I did 3000+ jump ropes a day, lived off of cereal, and sometimes ate as little as 180 calories a day. I got down to about 70 pounds (I'm 5'1). My hair started to fall out, my skin turned yellowish, and I was starting to get heart murmurs too, which was WAY scary. That was one of the reasons I forced myself to eat, because my health was seriously at risk. But now, I have gained 30+ pounds and I am getting so worried about my weight again. I look better and feel better but I have a huge stomach and none of my clothes fit anymore. I look fat. I seriously have not been eating any form of sugar for about two years and now its catching up to me...all I ever want to eat is cookies, cakes, etc! I don't know what to do! sometimes, I wish i still had such willpower to lose 5 pounds a week, but it seems impossible. What should i do? :?

peanuttie · Mon Nov 15, 2004 3:12 am

Hey!

I think you should TRY to follow south beach. Low-carb diets work for people that are both inderweight and overweight - one can say that it is not a diet the "become-thin-fast"-sense, but more that your body finds the weight that suits it perfectly.
Or so I have heared. Try be on the diet for some time, and then you may develop a normal relationship to both your foodintake and your weight, in the same time as your body stabilizes to where it wants to be.
Thats what I am going for right now! (But I don't know if it works yet, but I THINK so) :)

macchipazzi · Sun Apr 10, 2005 9:33 pm

delete this post

ziana · Mon Apr 11, 2005 3:27 pm

I too have suffered from eating disorders. I was anorexic for a while in high school (size 3 were baggy on me, I wear a 14 now) and have struggled with major binging and starving since then so I understand the difficulty of living with an eating disorder. I just read a very interesting book called "Food and Loathing" by Betsy Lerner. In the book Betsy chronicles her binge and starve cycles and candidly explores her mental health issues. She writes about her food addiction and how she tried to combat it. I feel good about my decision to follow the SBD WOE after finishing the book. I would recommend this as a good read. Best of luck to all of you.

Reesie271 · Mon Apr 11, 2005 4:32 pm

I started out an emotional binger, not bulimic, I just ate everything in sight, I went up to 388 at my biggest and most depressed time of my life. I then had gastric bypass surgery and lost over 200 lbs but it wasnt enough for me. so I started starving myself, Im not sure that I was a "true" anorexic person because I never got below 150 lbs, but from what I understand now I was close because of the mind games I was playing with myself. I would have crackers and diet coke for breakfast and lunch and maybe a handfull of raw broccoli for dinner and tell myself that I was stuffed. My mantra became "nothing tastes as good as feeling thin" Well, I wound up in the hospital and almost died because of it, I now have hemolytic anemia and b-12 def as well as other problems. So the dr put me on the south beach diet as well as got me into counseling to try to teach me to get along with food. I guess I went from it being my best friend to my worst enemy.

SmartCookie · Wed Apr 13, 2005 9:31 pm

This is an encouraging thread.
Like many of the postings on this thread, I am a recovering anorexic suffering since high school. I am now in my mid 40's and have been in recovery for almost 20 years. I did competitive gymnastics through college, I was the "skinny" kid until the middle of high school. I started to lose weight "seriously" in college. At first you get praise...then the praise stops while you friends and family become concerned. You rationalize that they must be jealous.

Did some therapy in my 20's because I was tired of feeling completely wretched about myself. I was 5"2" and down to under 100 lbs and still losing "that last 5 lbs". Therapy help me learn that it is not about the food. Unlike a problem with alcohol where I can go the rest of my life not drinking another drop of alcohol, and the challenge with an eating disorders was a person needs to face food and eat everyday.

Two books that I found helpful were "The Golden Cage" and "Overcoming the Deadly Diet". The "Deadly Diet" focuses on the behavior and not the reasons for the actions. The doctor found that many of the patients died (like Karen Carpenter) if you waste time trying to figure out the reasons for practicing an eating disorder. For me it was all about control. My life was in total tail spin and it is a VERY powerful feeling to not eat...when everyone else needs to. I took it as a strength that I could eat very little,
like a few saltines and little brocolli.

About a year into therapy, I saw some family photos of myself at my parents 25th anniversary and what I saw really scared me. I had a yellow-gray look and a hatchet shaped face. I ripped the picture out of the album and showed my family. "I look like this?", I desperately asked. " No, that was a very good day. You actually normally looked a lot worse."

SBD takes some getting used to. The vegetables, I am used to, but to eat cheese, nuts, olive oil, avocado is strange. I feel good and the weight is coming off ( even though slowly...but that is good! ) :lol: I know that I am doing it the healthy way.

misskt84 · Tue Jul 05, 2005 3:29 pm

This is the thread i've been looking for! I'm so glad to see i'm not alone.

I have an interesting story, and it has made this experience all that much more unique.

I come from a family with genetic predispositioning to obesity, but despite that both of my parents are trim people, and my brother and sister have never had weight problems. I was small until i hit puberty, and then i just blew up! I can't really say that, but i was much larger than anyone i knew. Anyway, i hit 115 in 5th grade, when all of my friends were still about 85-95. I just wanted to be like everyone else my age.
Fast forward to 9th grade where my best friend was 5'11, and about 130, and i am 5'3", about 145...i dieted on and off for years (5th-10th grade)...the best friend and i used to go to sonic and eat chicken strip meals, DQ and get blizzards, or braum's for sundaes. Of course this never effected her, but my small frame saw MAJOR impact. Looking back its not a wonder that i was FAT!

So in 10th grade i started walking around the park daily instead of coming home and eating everythign in site. I started eating normal portions and not snacking on everything i could get a hold of. I was NORMAL. Well i went from about 161-136 under my doctors supervision, and was looking to get to 125. Well, that's when i developed at strange reguritation disorder which to this day i don't believe was an eating disorder, but rather a medical issue. Well doctors didn't believe me and couldn't find anything wrong, so they chocked it up to bulimia. Well, that's what it became. At 16, i began making myself throw up, and i soon his 125. Well, it didn't stop there. The reason i didn't call it an eating disorder before is that i was not binging, and really never had consciously binged (despite my years of junk food, i had not binged on them), so i began binging because i could see that i could eat whatever i wanted and not gain weight. That is WAY better than dieting right?? NOT so much, after 5 years of struggle i am finally getting better. I went into recovery at about 18, only to have the beast flare back up in my first semester at college. I was now incredibly out of control. I was a wreck, my family was a wreck...i honestly don't know how i managed. I spent the next 2 years getting sicker and sicker. I came home after 1 semester at college, but i didn't get well. I managed to get my life together enough to function, and i started doing better. Well then i moved out of my parents house, and i got worse. But when i moved back in it got even worse. I have gone to therapy, and that never helps...its something i have to do on my own. So i finally got down to about 93-98ish (i'm now 5'4") and i was COLD ALWAYS, bones everywhere, no boobs, hair falling out, bad complexion. The Works. I moved away to go to school again last fall, and have struggled off and on, but really have been doing well. I think i was about 100# when i moved out again. I recently got back up to about 120, and it really became a struggle. Junk food is a trigger for me, definitely. My pants didn't fit, and i started to get scared. I have been on SB for 11 days now and can proudly say i haven't binged or purged once! That is a BIG deal for me....i once did it all day everyday, probably close to a 100 times. I haven't counted calories once, or worried about something making me fat! Now i weigh between 105-110...i feel great, and i love the control i have. My eating disorder was all about me lacking control over what i did. I'm not really a control person and so having the structure is really good for me. I have given up junk and i want to become healthy. I know its a battle that i will fight everyday, but knowing i can do it makes it that much better. i want to get married ( i have a loving boyfriend of 3 years), i want to have children (hopefully i haven't ruined this for myself), and i want to lead a normal life as a person who has control over themself. FOOD does not control me, i control me (as i recently heard on the A&E show Intervention)...
That's my story, i'm so glad i'm not alone!

EDAinATL · Mon Jul 11, 2005 7:14 pm

Wow. Thank you all for sharing your stories. This is my very first post on this forum, and while I've been lurking for a few weeks now, I saw this thread and literally gasped.

I've been struggling with an eating disorder most of my life, but didn't realize it until about five years ago (age 25) when it got really out of control. I have always been an emotional/compulsive overeater/binger, but about five years ago (coinciding with my mom's death to cancer) I started purging. I've been in counseling for the past few years, seeing both a regular therapist and a nutritionist. They've helped me tremendously. I don't purge anymore, but I still struggle with the binging and overeating.

It's been a difficult journey. In recovery, "diet" has been a bad word, and I have tended to go toward the other extreme. I guess my mentality has been "well, I can't diet, so I'll eat what I want." This has kept me from gaining control of my body and my health.

I had always dismissed SB as an Atkins-type diet, something so restrictive that I knew it wouldn't be good for me. After all, I first started purging while doing WW, and it spun out of control while doing Jenny Craig. However, something sparked my interest and I began to read about SB and realized, as someone else posted a while back, that the concepts are very similar to the way of eating that my nutritionist and I have discussed.

Just two days ago, I talked to my nutritionist about doing SB. I was hesitant, because I figured she'd automatically dismiss me. I was wrong. She encouraged me, and told me that if SB helped me to gain some structure then I should go for it.

I'm truly excited and hopeful for the first time in a long time. It really helps to know that there are other people out there doing this that have been in similar situations.

Good luck to all of you. We've all come so far.

Goodness. I can't believe I just shared all this in my first post. Welcome to the board, me. Hee.

mereatrois · Tue Jul 19, 2005 5:54 pm

jennifer1020 · Tue Jul 19, 2005 6:35 pm

Reading all your stories it sounds like me to a T.

I am 25 and struggled with anorexia since the age of 19. I got down to 91 lbs at age 23 (I'm 5'2") and I had to make a change. I looked so sick, I lost my job (I am a high school teacher- they thought I was setting a bad example) lost the love of my life, and I just had bottomed out.

My boyfriend came back to me 6 months after leaving on the premise that I would get help, which I did.

Only once I started eating I couldn't stop and I gained back way too much. I wasn't eating cake or cookies, mind you. It was "safe" foods I was binging on- like eating an entire box of slim fast bars, or an entire box of all bran (believe me, I was sorry after those all bran binges in more ways than one).

When i hit 112, I treid weight watchers, and my body, sensing restriction, held on to every calorie and I went up to 114 in 2 weeks. I tried diet center but the restriction sent me on binges- up to 116. I tried WW again and despite my dilligence, i went up to 118.5. Despite diet and exercise, I just cannot seem to get the weight off.

Frustrated, I go on these awful binges at night and on weekends. For a girl who used to be able to eat next to nothing, I have balooned into a whale who literally cannot stop eating. I went from 0s to 6s and 8s- disgusting. I just need to get back to 100, where I look and feel good.

I am hoping SBD will work for me where all the other diets caused me to gain and/ or binge. Anyone who can offer support, I would love to hear from you!

haymas · Wed Jul 20, 2005 12:06 pm

I too have been recovering/battling anorexia for about 15 years. I went to counceling, dieticians you name it. I weighed 89 pounds and am 5' 5". After HS I gained some weight and years later I am now 125. Of course it is too much for me. I have a constant battle everyday with weight and actually feel like a failure that I can not starve myself anymore. I like the SB diet and have been doing it for about a year. It helped me lose the 60 pounds that I had gained while I was pregnant... that was horrible to me. I do find that sometimes I get a little too obsessive about recipes and menus on this diet/way of life.. which ever you want to call it. But, I do find that it is a lot easier to let myself eat knowing that I am not going to gain weight if I follow the plan. My heart goes out to all who are suffering and battling with eating disorders. I think that it is a day by day thing that we will battle the rest of our life!

Nykoal · Thu Jul 21, 2005 5:50 pm

Gosh...can I ever relate! I'm so glad I found this post.

I struggled with Anorexia from the age of 12 to 18. For me it wasn't so much a weight thing since in as much as a control thing. I'm your typical Type A personality and the eldest child in my family. I struggle with control issues and perfectionism. Needless to say, coming from a family of 4 kids my eating was the only thing I could control. Of course, I started to get used to the comments of being smart and pretty, and it just helped to feed my illness.

I meet my husband while I was still struggling and he was so supportive. When we met I was 16yr and being 5'4 only weighed 95lbs. I was very thin and wore a size 0 but my face looked normal so people really never realized how sick I really was. Then when I was 21 I started to gain weight and was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). Before I knew it I had ballooned to 200lbs and didn't really change my eating habits, but my activity level decreased a lot.

It's so hard to go from 1 extreme to the other. Once I gained the weight I felt like such a failure and just wanted to crawl into a hole and die! I felt so ashamed and didn't want to see friends or family in case I saw the look on their faces when they saw me. I hate that look!

Eventually I figured...what the heck...if I'm going to gain the weight I might as well enjoy whatever I want to eat. So I became a Compulsive Binge Eater (but only at night when DH went to bed). My highest weight was 230lbs and I want to get down to around 115lbs (I have a small frame).

So here I am...I've lost 18lbs so far but the battle is being won. I know I can do this. The last time I lost weight I stopped eating. I'm terrified of going back to that way and I guess that's why I've struggled with loosing the weight because I only really know the starving method! Each healthy pound lost is a huge thing for me! I can still have control issues that I need to deal with an I'm hoping to find a counsellor, but I know I'm going to beat this nasty cycle and will for the first time in my life maintain a healthy weight and lifestyle.

I sure hope that this thread or something like it will continue. I can hoestly say I feel more welcomed with like-minded people. ED's are horrible and unless you struggle you never really know.

Here's to the Beach way of life!!!

Rachael83 · Thu Jul 21, 2005 9:35 pm

It's really encouraging to see so many women openly talking about their eating disorders. As hard, and emotional, as it is to talk about it...It's the best way to help yourself recover.

I as well am a recovering bulemic. I was anorexic for several months, but I was bulemic for years. During the course of my bulemia I lost 50 lbs.

I never recieved any intervention for my disorder. I intervened on myself after what I would call a breakdown. I hit rock bottom, and at that moment I knew I had to do something about it. Unfortunately my answer to my problem was to stop eating almost altogether. During the course of several months I ate maybe a bowl of soup, and some crackers each day. Nothing more. During that time I lost even more weight. My best friend took note of what was going on, and he forced me to confront my problems...By handing me a banana, and telling me to "EAT IT DAMMIT". :lol: I laugh about it now....But at the time it was horrifying.

It was a long, hard road...But now 5 years later I no longer have the demons that plagued me day in, and day out. I'd like to be able to say that i'm no longer recovering...But even still when I have a piece of cake I get the pang of guilt in the back of my head, and for a fleeting moment the thought of getting rid of it is all too comforting. For a second i'll remember the high I used to get after purging.

These moments are now more few, and far between. They no longer pick away at my brain until I give in...They are more like a split second idea, and then they're gone. I'm so thankful for that. It really feels like my food issues are fading away.

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