The World Hates Fat People

Guest · Tue Jan 27, 2004 4:32 pm

Doctors can lose their medical licenses, decades of work and hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical school expenses all down the drain because of one emotionally unstable woman with claims so severe that even the charge alone can ruin an MDs career.

I wouldn't want to see her either.

navynewbee · Tue Jan 27, 2004 6:04 pm

Dear Rev Green,

It has been my experience that the world doesn't hate fat people, we hate ourselves. There will always be someone to "pick on" in popular culture. We don't have to buy into that. Yes, the world judges us. It always will, but have you ever noticed the guy who would look like a geek except that his self confidence makes him attractive? I have seen those people and it reminds me that what we project can influence how we are perceived.

Dear Guest,

I don't know you but having seen a number of your responses usually in the same tone, it is my guess that you are a lonely soul because people tend to avoid those who are judgemental and negative. We may be new, computer illiterate, maybe uneducated about SBD, but we have one important thing in common, we are all trying to make changes for the better. The only responses (as almost all others are) should be supportive, informative and helpful.
My mom used to say if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything.
Guess I just broke that rule, but had to speak my peace.

nottoolost · Wed Jan 28, 2004 3:53 am

Dear 'Guest', that goes both ways. What about my 'emotionally unstable' friend who was labeled fat and depressed and eventually died of complications of cushings disease? Lucky for HER doctors there was no one left behind to ruin their so called careers of playing G-d with her life.

Every doctor to ever practice ought to go through being treated as a hysterical fat hypochondriacal woman when there is something really wrong.

There was an expose on a local news magazine show a few years ago about life as an overweight woman. They sent a fat chick and a 'normal' sized guy into a few docs with the same complaints. Guess who got the prescriptions for antidepressants and who got the complete workup???

If you're a medical 'professional' I hope no one I love ever has to see you.

Anonymous wrote: Doctors can lose their medical licenses, decades of work and hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical school expenses all down the drain because of one emotionally unstable woman with claims so severe that even the charge alone can ruin an MDs career.

I wouldn't want to see her either.

FatNoMore! · Fri Jan 30, 2004 5:02 am

nottoolost wrote: There was an expose on a local news magazine show a few years ago about life as an overweight woman. They sent a fat chick and a 'normal' sized guy into a few docs with the same complaints. Guess who got the prescriptions for antidepressants and who got the complete workup???

That's really interesting. I wonder what would have happened if the "normal-sized" person was female also. Probably the same as the "fat chick" Which makes me wonder, does the world hate women?

SoulLips · Fri Jan 30, 2004 6:10 am

Rev., I think you've made some good points. I have literally been overweight since birth (it's probably what saved my life! I was a 3 pound 2 ounce preemie born nearly 3 months early). Much of my childhood really sucked. I was picked on and taunted. I learned at an early age that diet and exercise were my punishment for not being thin... not that eating carefully and exercising were what bodies need to be healthy. I learned to weigh my self-worth by the numbers on the scale... the higher they were, the less worthy I was. I would have to say though, as an adult, I learned the importance of self-esteem. In my mid-twenties two things happened to improve my life 1) I found myself among a new group of friends and 2) I began going to a gym 5-7 days a week and focusing on eating "healthy". Though I lost very little weight, working out made me very confident and gave me a "screw you" attitude when it came to people giving me looks of disapproval. My new group of friends (mixed, but mostly male) were very vivacious, outgoing, flirtatious and fun. I made a conscious effort to come out of my shell more and become more social. I learned to flirt like a pro. I became very confident. I went from never kissing a guy to having 3 men vying for my attention/affection/etc. I was the BIGGEST I'd ever been... but the change in my self-esteem and confidence made me more attractive. Heck, I even had the experience in October of being approached in London by a man who was beside himself with how "gorgeous" and "absolutely beautiful" he thought I was... I weighed close to 300 pounds at the time! I was just walking around being me... nothing special.

I think having the courage to live a full life in spite of having a full body can vastly improve the quality of one's life and can prevent the feeling of being "cursed". I hope that everyone who is struggling with their self-esteem issues can find a way to be more accepting of themselves. You deserve more from life than you're allowing yourself. We are in this together... keep with the good work everyone!!!

ezaldere · Fri Jan 30, 2004 7:42 am

I completely agree with you Rev. Amen to that brother. I still have two walk-in closets and a basement full of expensive clothes that are 20 years old because I refuse to admit that I won't ever wear them again. I still remember how good I looked in them.

As for the "fat is a choice. we are all empowerd to make change," I completely agree at face value. However, the problem is that healthy thinking is one unhealthy step away from, "If you're fat, then you are not powerful, you are a loser, and you're a lazy slob."

I think both you and the right reverend are on the same page... you're speaking from the same place, but the reverend is pointing out the step that many insensitive and ignorant people take beyond your thinking.

It's silly, it's unfair, and it's the kind of thing that prompts 8-year-olds to diet. It's a very sad state of affairs, indeed.

And "fat" doesn't mean, de facto, "unhealthy." That's another blanket perception. Likewise, neither does "thin" mean "healthy."

However, as all of us tubbies have learned, "thin" does all too often mean "popular" and "successful."

Rev. Bud Green · Sat Sep 24, 2005 5:36 am

Thanks.

yellobeuty · Sat Sep 24, 2005 2:50 pm

Rev. you first joined the sb on feb. 04, this thread was mostly in Jan. 04.

how are you doing? have you stuck with sb and lost weight? have you experienced a difference in how people treat you now?

I agree with the premise. people are prejudice against fat people. I didn't believe it before I was fat however. I was not always fat. I gained over 100lbs 5 years ago in 5 months time. because of a medical problem. We also moved to a new church that year. and the very first Sunday here a woman who was greeting us said" My your huge!" oh thank you very much. Also, I am a very outgowing person. or was very outgoing. However, I have found it very difficult to make friends here. in the church, in the homeschool community, in the neighborhood. all of it. In the past I always had a lot of friends very easily. so this was a huge difference for me. and since I thrive on and get my energy from people I became depressed. and still struggle with it.

the only difference is the weight. which I still have. but hopefully now can lose since we think we are getting to the bottom of it medically.

and why do people think they need to tell you your fat? don't they think you already know that?

well. anyway. I'm not sure why a year + later this is back at the top of the pages but. here is my response.

Rev. are you a real reverend? Are you still smoking pot? hope you are doing better then when you first posted.

new tomorrow · Sat Sep 24, 2005 4:12 pm

There are some truths in the Rev's post. One that always astonishes me is that larger people can be the most critical when it comes to judging others. It has always been my very obese aunt who was the first to tell me how much weight I had put on.

I have been slim much of my life and yes, I was treated better then. In my fifties, I gradually gained over 100 lbs. However, I found that once I started losing weight, just 10 lbs or so, something in me must have changed. Perhaps I just looked more friendly but people started being much more pleasant. Maybe I gave off vibes of inadequacy that not so nice people pick up on?
We have to look at people like Oprah, Rubin (American Idol) and many others who are big but popular, (Queen Latifa comes to mind). Where I live we had a Mayor for many years who was a very overweight single woman who commanded a lot of respect.
There will always be those nasty individuals who have to look down on others to boost their own feeling of worth.
I worked in retail for many years and never judged a customer's worth by their size but there are sales people who do. A few years ago I went into a gourmet type frozen food store where they had plates of samples displayed. They were quickly whisked away when I approached and I was treated in a very abrupt, bordering on rude fashion. At the time I was just confused and couldn't think of what was wrong! I have never forgotten this and will never give this store my business.

I am still 50 lbs overweight and I'm sure in some people's eyes, still unattractive and unworthy. That's their problem, not mine. Everyday I am thrilled when I can tie a shoelace or enjoy my hour walk. I feel quite attractive in my large but smaller clothes and am so thankful to South Beach for making it possible.
Sorry for going on and on!!!!

MathChick · Sat Sep 24, 2005 5:05 pm

I think there is some truth and some exaggeration. I have never been obese but I have has physical characteristics that set me apart. I am 6'0" and grew very fast, and wasn't a skinny rail. I had one year in school where I was not the tallest person in my class and that was because there was another girl who was a year older than me. Had we been the same age I would have been taller.

Strangers constantly walk up to me with big eyes and ask, "Do you play basketball?...No?...You should." or simply exclaim, "Wow, you're tall." As if I didn't know. I get strangers who stare at me. And I don't get pity, I get fear. People are afraid of people bigger than them. I was picked on because I was the biggest person in the room. What is the saying? Pick the biggest guy in the room and take him down and you get respect? I was a born target. I had to learn to laugh it off when I could and fight back when I had to. I have learned to approach new people in a very disarming way because if I am abrupt I have had terror come across their faces. You probably think I'm making it up, but I'm not. MathDude has it even worse as he is 6'8" and is a very intimidating presence.

I have also historically had a problem attracting guys. Guys just don't seem to feel as masculine with a girl who is towering over them, wears bigger clothes, outweighs them and can probably throw half of them across the room. And even if I did get a secure guy it was awkward for me. How feminine did that make me feel? I had a boyfriend once who borrowed my clothes and was SWIMMING in them. His fingers couldn't reach the cuffs and his toes couldn't either.

I am not complaining as much as sharing a lifetime of being set apart. I am not equating being tall with being overweight, merely pointing out that we all see the world through our own prism and, as has already been pointed out, the world isn't always as out to get us as it appears. Do heavier people have a harder time? Of course. Many of the things you said are true. But take control. Be empowered and understand it isn't always all about you and the situation might not be as bad as it appears. And look on the bright side. You can lose weight, but I can't shrink :wink: .

TerriAusTx · Sat Sep 24, 2005 6:18 pm

Truth is relative. Some of us (myself, for example) were raised by parents who didn't teach us good eating habits at all. Does that mean I have an excuse to continue making bad choices? Nope. But there were layers upon layers of things to work through to get to that place in my life when I could make the change, and make it right. Sadly, it took me too long, but at least I'm here.

I don't care if the world hates fat people at sight because they don't know ME. I've been heavy since childhood. As a "fat" adult I have friends, a great job, a good and caring doctor, am musical and outgoing, a good man that matches me well, and a beautiful baby girl. My life was good, but now it's even better.

There's no point in being bitter about my "heavier" past, even though there are plenty of scars in it. Life is what it is, and everyone's truth ("the world hates fat people?") is relative. In my life, the people who showed that kind of "hatred" toward me were not worth my time or energy.

Just my 2 cents, and then some.

Twiceblessedmom · Tue Sep 27, 2005 12:46 pm

I don't know, I do think society as a whole DOES hate fat. Not necessarily the individual, per se...but, lets face it, when we meet someone obese...you DO notice they are fat, typically the very FIRST thing you make mental notice of. You may also notice that they seem friendly, carry themselves well, and overall like their personality...but, I will admit that I personally, even having dealt with weight issues...find extreme obesity gross and I do associate it with being 'weak'. I tend to think "how could they allow themselves to get that way??" or worse yet to me, when I see an obese parent purchasing a whopper, biggee fries and biggee pop for their obese child, I feel anger towards the parent...sure, could a small percentage of them have an actual medical condition, of course...but if everyone is honest with themselves, they know that the majority just overeat ridiculous amounts of the wrong kinds of foods and don't get up and move. I think the majority of the people that claim they don't share this opinion , are in denial and feel that facing the fact that they perceive obesity this way, makes them appear 'mean', even just to themselves. It is what it is people. I'm not saying it gives anyone the right to be hurtful or treat the overweight differently...but to deny it exists just adds to the problem, IMO. The majority of obese people are the way they are because they made/make poor choices and haven't taken the initiative to change.

I remember reading a post somewheres about a wife who was all upset because she got into a real honest discussion with her husband and he was truthful and told her that he just was not as attracted to her sexually any longer because of her weight. He told her he still loved her, etc...but she couldn't get past the fact that he hurt her feelings by telling her this. Everyone came on that post and trashed what a meanie her husband is, how wrong he was to tell her this. I'm sorry, but that's just ridiculous. This woman was posting on a weight loss site...didn't like being overweight herself, same as the other individuals that responded...or the sight of her/their own overweight body, but is upset because the husband admitted he feels the same?? does it hurt to hear the truth, yes...but again, it is what it is..IMO, more people need to face the truth and stop sugar coating the issue.

Words · Tue Sep 27, 2005 2:12 pm

Mathchick-- my daughter, who is now 30, is 6' 1" tall. (My son is 6' 4", but as we all know, that's not a big deal for males. Oh, my husband is 6' 6" so the children got their height from him, not 5' 4" me). My daughter was always tall in grade school, and by high school, had grown to be six feet tall. (She grew one final inch in college). While she did not have guys falling all over her in HS, she always had plenty of dates. In college, she discovered that her height was an advantage in the classroom--people took more notice of her. And in business, her height is a huge asset. She is more authoritative and clients remember her.

She has never had a weight problem, even after having had 3 children. She eats very healthily and works out regularly, always has. She never wanted to have the weight struggles her parents did. BTW, her wonderful husband of 6 years is one inch shorter than she is.

yellobeuty · Tue Sep 27, 2005 3:40 pm

twiceblessed momma, first thanks for being honest. that was honest and yes I agree with everything you said.

however, Quote: "how could they allow themselves to get that way??"

Quote: ..sure, could a small percentage of them have an actual medical condition, of course.. .

but if everyone is honest with themselves, they know that the majority just overeat ridiculous amounts of the wrong kinds of foods and don't get up and move. I think the majority of the people that claim they don't share this opinion , are in denial and feel that facing the fact that they perceive obesity this way, makes them appear 'mean', even just to themselves. It is what it is people.

Quote: I'm not saying it gives anyone the right to be hurtful or treat the overweight differently. ..but to deny it exists just adds to the problem, IMO.

Quote: The majority of obese people are the way they are because they made/make poor choices and haven't taken the initiative to change.

but you and others don't know which people are fat or morbidly obese because of medical conditions or because of poor choices. So when anyone treats them with disgust as your thoughts would dictate. then you are steriotyping and hurting the innocent along with the weak.

it is weakness that causes those bad choices and it is the innocent who have the medical reasons for being overweight.

trust me, I am a big fan of personal responsiblility. I preach it and live it constantly sometimes to a fault.

but, society and people also need to take responsibility for the way they treat people! you never know why that particular person is obese.

and shouldn't we be kinder to the weak or those with medical problems.

Twiceblessedmom · Tue Sep 27, 2005 3:56 pm

I also said "I'm not saying it gives anyone the right to be hurtful or treat the overweight differently". In no way should anyone be hurtful or cruel...but the fact remains, the thoughts are still there. Do we know which people are obese due to medical conditions, of course not...but, I would lay money on it that the percetage is very low compared to those that inflict the condition of obesity on themselves. IMO there are just way too many excuses thrown out...people looking to blame their weight on anything other than what it really is. To face the truth would mean you have to do something about it or realize you are wrong...no one likes to be wrong and enacting change is HARD. So, IMO, many are in denial. I firmly believe there is a huge difference between treating the 'weak' with kindness and compassion...vs. enabling/stroking them.

Either way, medical condition or not, like I said, NO one should treat overweight individuals in a cold, hurtful manner. We often times don't have control over our feelings or thoughts, but we surely do over our actions.

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